Paulina Gretzky Is America's Hottest Housewife, Kristin Cavallari Slips Into Her 'Mommy' Bikini & Go Redskins!

Whew. We made it. At least I did. Did y'all? Big holiday weekend. A lot of action. You know how I spent most of it? 

In quarantine! 

My 3-year-old woke up late Saturday morning, which was already a bad sign, and then proceeded to puke not once, but seven times in the next five hours. Seven! 

I reckon that's what happens when you do tequila shots for the Fourth, but they have to start somewhere, right? 

Relax, social services. It's a joke! Tequila shots are gross. We only do whiskey shooters in this house! 

Anyway, she kicked whatever bug she had late Saturday, and we were off to the races yesterday. And now, we're into the second week of July and ready to pump out some #content. Let's roll. 

Welcome to a Monday Nightcaps – the one where we let loose with Paulina Gretzky, and go from there. 

What else? I've got a loaded weekend of #content (obviously), Kristin Cavallari checking in, Rosie O'Donnell making her weekly appearance (she seems well!), and Hail to the Redskins! 

You guys are FIRED UP over Trump's latest name-change push, and I'm right there with you. Let's Make Football Teams Great Again!

Grab something packed to the brim with ice because it's 1 billion degrees outside, and settle in for a middle-of-July-there's-nothing-going-on-but-we're-going-to-power-through Monday ‘Cap!

We've got football happening in 24 days!

… Sort of. 

Let's go ahead and check in on our football countdown to start today's class. Lord knows we've got nothing better to do. 

We've got:

• 24 days till the HOF game that nobody will watch but still get excited about. 
• 47 days till Week 0 of the college football season. 
• 54 days till the first college football Saturday. 
• 59 days till Cowboys-Eagles
• 62 days till the first NFL Sunday. 

I mean, are we ready to run through a brick wall right now, or WHAT? Talk about a Dog Days of Summer pick-me-up! 

Anyway, if that didn't fire you the hell up, maybe our great president declaring a 100% tariff on any loser who says "Washington Commanders" will!

Or, you know, something like that:

What a weekend of (holiday) #content!

First off – what a question. What prompted that? Weirdos. 

Secondly, Trump prefacing something with "do you want me to say something controversial?" is objectively funny. When was the last time Trump said something non-controversial? He could've said, "I want to eradicate cancer completely" and would've been torn to shreds over it. 

He is right, though – winning cures all! Commanders, Football Team, Redskins – it doesn't matter as long as Jayden Daniels throws for 4,000 each season and runs for 1,000 more. 

That being said, we can all agree the Redskins need to come back. Same with the Indians. We're so dumb. Sometimes, I just think back over the last four years about all the truly idiotic things we've done as a country, and it's baffling. 

Our kids are going to mock as so hard in 10 years when they get updated history books in their classrooms. And I'm not gonna be able to say a single thing about it. 

Can't wait!

OK, let's get to the best #content from a big holiday weekend. You're batting leadoff today, CBS Amanda!

ESPN, Paulina & Rosie, oh my!

Slim pickens out there this weekend, but y'all made it work. Couple thoughts:

1. Pretty disappointed in Paigeviews. Fair is fair, and recycling an old – albeit Hall of Fame – picture of yourself for America's birthday is lazy. She's better than that. 

2. Appreciate Tomi stepping up to the plate for us. That's how it's done, Paige. Tighten up. 

3. I rarely include NASCAR stuff in here, especially on Mondays, because I try to reserve all that #content for MMPS class down the hall. By the way, it's a great one if you haven't checked it out!

Anyway, that Cody Ware hit is insane. The flag man nearly lost a limb, and it happened so fast, he didn't even notice. Wild. 

4. Paul Skenes? What a year! It's almost impossible to go 4-7 with a sub-2 ERA. Are the Pirates the most embarrassing franchise in sports not named the Miami Dolphins? Food for thought. 

OK, let's rapid-fire this post-holiday class into a sad post-holiday week. First up? Pick us up, Rosie!

YES!!!! I haven't heard some good, SOLID Rosie O'Donnell bullshit in a few weeks now. Been far too long, Rosie! Remember when she blamed her fatness on Donald Trump last month? Hilarious.

By the way … A) she's wrong on Project 25, obviously. When I say she's clueless, she is CLUELESS about this one. 

And, more importantly, B) I hope to see Rosie at the next Project 2025 meeting in August! If you want in, Rose, let me know – I'll send you the details. We have free food, you'll love it!

Next? From one insufferable Lib to a company FULL of 'em!

I mean, what are we doing here, ESPN? I know you guys are a bunch of simps who don't know your own ass from your elbow – believe me, we know – but you can't bother to have an actual person write a tweet on the weekend? 

This is clearly AI, right? They had a robot cobble up this ridiculous tweet and just hit send, I assume? 

If not, frankly, they have even bigger problems. "Who was on the roster." Get outta here with that. What an insufferable company. Thank GOD I work for OutKick. 

OK, that's it for today. Short class, but it's finally stopped raining here for the first time in four days, and my yard looks like the Everglades (minus Alcatraz, of course).

Let's go have a big week. Take us into it, Paulina Gretzky!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You ready for the Redskins to come back? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.