Paige Bueckers Deserves Some Shine, Cowboy Pole-Vaulter Sarah Stairs Is A Star & Free Food For The Eclipse
Yes, I know what you're all wondering this afternoon … how was the Kevin James show??
Honestly, it was just OK. He was good. Funny, as usual. Not the best I've seen. Not the worst by any means. When he stuck to the stuff you'd normally laugh at in the King of Queens, you laughed so hard you cried.
When he deviated – I shit you not, there was a 20-minute skit in there about Wendy's that literally took up half the show – it fell a little flat.
We were also in the nosebleeds and the 120-year-old theater we were in doesn't have screens, so the First Lady and I both left there with headaches from squinting the whole time. That's my fault for being poor, though, not Kevin's.
But it was fine. Shorter than I thought, but fine.
Raise your hand if you've heard that before!
Anyway, the best part of the night was the end (again, hands up!), when we were walking back to the car and passed someone wearing a …
… Kirk Cousins Falcons jersey! A grown man, wearing a Kirk Cousins Atlanta Falcons jersey. I mean, how does that happen? Who does that? Wild.
On that note, welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where we bounce around like the screensaver on your TV when you pause the DVD (shoutout to that one Office episode) and see what we land on when it's all said and done.
PS: before you complain, yes, I know Instagram is down. That's why you're not gonna see any embeds in today's class. It's Twitter and TikTok today. Great.
Naturally, we'll dive into the UConn-Iowa showdown tonight by showing Paige Bueckers some respect. Feel like the Huskies star is getting overshadowed by someone named Caitlin Clark, and I'm tired of it.
We zig when they zag around here, so Paige gets the spotlight in today's class.
What else? We had Mike Gundy's fake QB son shooting his shot with a rocket on the Oklahoma State track team, a handful of free Solar Eclipse deals on the horizon, a disgusting act caught on camera down in Oxford & live reactions from today's 4.8 earthquake in New Jersey.
Sound good? I hope so, because it's already on the menu in PEN. No going back now.
Grab whatever hell beer you'd like to celebrate National Beer Day Eve Eve (it's Sunday!) and settle in for a frantic final class of the week!
It's Paige Bueckers versus Caitlin Clark night
I guess we'll start with the UConn-Iowa showdown. I know, I promised yesterday we'd keep the Clark talk at a minimum since everyone else is on it, but what do you want me to do? You want a full class of baseball talk and dissecting the weekend slate of UFL games?
Didn't think so.
I would like to give Paige her flowers, though. This cat is electric, and I feel like nobody talks about her.
Do you realize her NIL valuation is right up there with the other elite stars in the sport? No, you didn't. She can also play the influencer game with the best of 'em.
I'm talking sponsor on top of sponsor on top of sponsor.
Elite.
Now, I also grew up in a UConn family and the UConn women were all anyone used to talk about when it came to women's basketball, so it's a little weird living in this new era where they play second fiddle to someone. I don't like it.
Not here, though. I think I'm all in on the Huskies tonight. There, I said it. I like Caitlin Clark, but it's time for the old dogs to reclaim their spot atop the WBB mountain.
I'm #TeamPaige and Geno tonight. Nightcaps against the world!
Besides that, all people can talk about today is this earthquake
Yes! Bring me back to THAT. Inject it straight into my vein. And then find another vein, and do the same thing.
That's what I grew up on. Geno vs. Pat. UConn vs. Tennessee. LSU-Iowa was cute, but that was the real show. Need that fire out of Paige and the UConn women tonight.
Now, beyond this game – which inexplicably starts at 9:30 – all anyone can talk about today is the 4.8 monster that shook New York and New Jersey late this morning. Seriously, you'd think The Day After Tomorrow basically happened up north today.
PS: TDAT? Great movie. Underrated movie. Elite Dennis Quaid performance.
Anyway, people were shaking and quaking in their boots all over live TV around 11:30 this morning, and the internet caught it all!
Welcome to class, Sarah Stair!
I mean, what a reaction. Just a 10/10 right there. Is it the most dramatic thing I've ever seen? Possibly. But I've also never been rattled by an earthquake, so who am I to talk?
I do think all of this is a little similar to how us Floridians get treated after the temp dips below 40 for the three days a year it does down here.
Everyone makes fun of us for being a bunch of babies. It's unsufferable, and that's sort of what's happening to New Yorkers today.
The entire west coast is laughing at you right now. Have been all day. They don't get out of bed for a 4.8 out there. Hell, they probably don't even notice it.
But a 4.8 quake hits New York and we have Mayor Adams at the podium giving press conferences like WW3 just started.
PS: How about Molly with the UConn shirt? I see you. I see you, too, Lauren Shehadi. That's two weeks in a row for you in class! Let's keep it up.
Speaking of Nightcaps newbies … let's all welcome Oklahoma State pole-vauler Sarah Stair to class!
Sarah here went viral today because a fake Twitter account under the disguise of Mike Gundy's QB son, Gunner, appeared to drink some thirst earlier this week and fooled the entire internet:
Ole Miss crime, Eclipse deals and Deion deals with some bad apples
So, the backstory here is pretty simple: Gunner Gundy is apparently a HOFer in name, but not in talent. He's transferring from Ok. State because he rides the pine.
He initially chose Ohio, but ultimately backed out (can't imagine why!) and is now set to re-enter the portal this month. The above tweet is funny because A) it's relatable and B) it's a fake account and fooled the entire internet.
That's not his real account. Gotcha! Still, wouldn't blame him.
Welcome to class, Sarah! Don't be a stranger.
This is our rapid-fire portion. Try to keep up.
First? Let's head down to Oxford and lock these ladies up STAT:
(again, sorry, Instagram's down, so you're gonna have to click the link. I hate Mark Zuckerberg so much)
I mean, throw away the damn key. Lock ‘em up. Disgusting act. Now, I don’t know why the food is on the floor like some sort of prison. That's not this girl's fault. Can't blame her for stupidity.
But everything else? Lock her up. And I'm not even a weird germaphobe. Very few things in life manage to actually gross me out. When you started dipping Copenhagen at 13, your stomach has pretty much seen it all by 31.
But this crosses a line. Maybe not for Rex Ryan, but certainly for me.
Next? Assuming we don't die on Monday during this stupid eclipse – if conspiracy theories make you nervous, please, for the love of God, don't look this one up – we're gonna eat like kings:
Here ya go, from everyone's favorite supermarket magazine:
Burger King: The burger joint is offering buy-one-get-one-free Whoppers on Monday.
Chili’s: The total solar eclipse may only last for a few minutes, but Chili’s has two days worth of deals. Guests can snag a free appetizer on April 7 and April 8 when they purchase an adult entrée.
Cracker Barrel: Customers can earn a free side of pancakes when they order an entrée. The "Eclipse Pancakes" are available with the purchase of an adult or kids meal just by mentioning the promotion.
Pizza Hut: Diners can get a large pizza for $12. You can either create-your-own pie with up to 10 toppings or pick from any of the pies on the menu.
Wendy's: Fans can snag a free chocolate or Orange Dreamsicle Frosty when they make a purchase on the restaurant's app. Plus, app-users can also grab a $1 Dave's Single or $2 Dave's Double through April 10.
Thoughts? In order, I'd go: Burger King, Wendy's, Cracker Barrel, Chili's and Pizza Hut. I was actually just at the Cracker Barrel earlier this week for the first time in forever, and that place never misses. Had the meatloaf. Electric.
Never had the Orange Dreamsicle frosty from Wendy's, but it sounds like a winner. If you play it right, you can come home and watch Monday's eclipse with a pair of whoppers, a frosty and a side of pancakes all for about $15, give or take a few bucks.
Not a bad little deal.
Finally … how about this little ass-kicking from Deion Sanders?
"Any draft grades?" is maybe the most ruthless thing I've ever heard a college coach say, and I once played for a D-3 baseball coach who called me literally every name under the sun after I got fat sophomore year.
Another Prime banger. Put it on a shirt!
OK. That's all for today. I know we usually end class with some sort of inspiration from an Instagram model, but Instagram is still down, so I guess I'll just leave you with Paige Bueckers highlights.
I know. I'm sorry. I can't control the internet, though.
Now let's go have a weekend.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
We ready to jump on the UConn wagon yet? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.