NFL Player Handshakes Are Getting Awkward, Christmas Ale Goes Down Easy And You Should Be Sleeping Naked
Let’s not kid ourselves, the holidays are synonymous with awkwardness. There’s the uncomfortable first meeting with your significant other’s extended family. The panic of having to pretend you really did want a pair of monogrammed hand towels. And of course, having to explain to your confused nieces and nephews why you placed the mistletoe on your belt while nudging their aunt.
So let’s stick with the theme of the season and keep Nightcaps real awkward today.
We’ll be talking awkward handshakes, sleeping in the buff, dumb NFL player entrances and more. Most importantly, we’ll wash it all down with a Tracksuit Santa Christmas Ale that will have you attempting to commandeer Santa’s sleigh if you're not careful.
That’s not all. We’ll also applaud a husband who’s living vicariously through Elf on the Shelf – an Elf who seemingly has had his share of Christmas Ales and probably doesn’t feel all that awkward sleeping naked. And you'll lay eyes on the best current video living on the internet.
Now let’s get weird!
NFL Players And (Former) Coaches Can’t Get Handshakes Down
The handshake has never been more confusing. We’ve entered awkward times in the shake game. No one knows whether to go firm shake, first bump, grip-n-hug, or some version of all of the above. There are too many options now. And making matters worse, cameras are everywhere. There’s no hiding a fumbled handshake.
You just know this handshake between NFL coaches Bill Belichick and Ron Rivera didn't end in anything other than awkwardness. (Photo by Matthew J. Lee/The Boston Globe via Getty Images).
Cleveland Browns linebacker Sione Takitaki knows this after his Sunday afternoon walk into the locker room.
Sunglasses - check.
Letterman - check.
Handshake - …ehh.
Former Cowboys coach Jason Garrett attempted to one-up Takitaki ahead of Sunday Night Football. Garrett wasn’t looking for a handshake, he wanted a fist bump. And he got neither.
Awkwaaard.
When Did NFL Pregame Turn Into (Bad) Fashion Shows?
Not only do cameras catch every awkward handshake and fist bump, they also (sadly) capture players’ walks from their cars to their locker rooms. And I couldn’t hate it anymore.
These NFL player walks have turned into fashion shows. Or better yet, an opportunity for these athletes to wear very expensive bad-looking clothing in front of an audience. It’s essentially the Met Gala every weekend. And it sucks.
Some of the “costumes” being worn are so ridiculous, I hope they’re being worn as jokes. But I don’t think that’s the case.
Case in point:
That’s Browns DB, D’Anthony Bell. His salary is close to $900k, but that’s apparently not enough to buy a mirror.
Here’s another Cleveland defender, LB Tony Fields II. He brought jumper cables to “shock the world.”
Ugh.
Would Tony bring jumper cables to the locker room if he didn’t know there’d be cameras present for his jaunt to the locker room?
Exactly.
Looking good on the left, Panthers. The right side? Well, that screams 2-12.
And you DEFINITELY don’t go barefoot unless you know cameras are there. Right, Mack Hollins?
Please make it stop.
Either that, or go full Jim McMahon.
Otherwise, get off my lawn.
Who (other than Jim) Needs A Beer?
After all that, I need a drink. And tis' the season for Christmas Ales, so I'm game to partake in some additional Tracksuit Santa beers. I stumbled upon the "spiced holiday ale" last weekend and I was not disappointed.
Columbus Brewing Co.'s Tracksuit Santa didn't disappoint. (Photo c/o my iPhone).
Now, to be fair - I am not a fan of IPA's - I actually despise "IPA guys." However, I do make two exceptions to my anti-IPA stance. Pumpkin and Christmas beers during the appropriate seasons (I'm sure OutKick's Zach Dean would agree). Other than that, I'm as interested in IPAs as I am NFL player fashion shows.
When I'm downing these seasonal IPAs I need the weather to act accordingly, which means cold. Generally not a problem from my basement in Ohio. Also, I have to do my best to limit myself to three of these daddy sodas. In addition to a shit load of calories, IPAs generally pack a punch. Tracksuit Santa has an ABV of 7.8% and I can confirm that you feel every bit of it halfway through brew number one.
Tracksuit Santa brings it. It comes to us courtesy of Columbus Brewing Co. (this is not a paid endorsement, in case you were wondering) and its ingredients include orange peel, Indonesian cinnamon (ohhh fancy) and ginger.
I stuck to my rule of three and that's a good thing. If it were up to me to drive the family sleigh home (it was not), I'd have been doing so with one eye open.
*Side note, Columbus Brewing Co. is 3-for-3 with this one as far as I'm concerned.
Sleep Naked - Says Sleep Expert
Now that we're drunk, let's get naked...and go to sleep.
Hey, I told you we were getting awkward today.
UK website Metro, spoke to a sleep expert about the most effective ways to stay warm and comfortable while sleeping during the cold months. Oddly enough, they suggest sleeping naked.
"While many people might think that bundling up in winter is the best way to keep warm, sleeping naked can actually help to regulate your body temperature and improve your sleep quality," Sammy Margo, sleep expert, told the site. "It’s a surprising yet effective way to stay cosy and comfortable during the cold months, while giving our bodies that much needed wellbeing boost too."
Margo went on to cite numerous benefits to sleeping in your birthday suit, including but not limited to: enhanced intimacy, improved complexion and increased self-confidence.
Though I'm generally not one to argue with sleep experts, I've gotta push back on the "increased self-confidence" note.
As noted above, I live in Ohio. It's cold here - pretty much always. Naked and cold don't pair well for a man's self-confidence.
Even Elf On The Shelf Keeps His Clothes On
Apparently not everyone is as as comfortable baring it all during winter. That includes Elf on the Shelf who stays clothed even when occupying water alongside a trio of Barbies and a bottle of Tito's (must've been out of Tracksuit Santa).
As you can see by this awesome Las Vegas dad's Elf on the Shelf set up, even Santa's helper prefers optimal temperature and lighting before dropping trou.
The Sin City father of four was tasked with Elf duty - something Nightcaps readers know I despise - and quickly lost those "privileges" once his wife stumbled upon their Elf entertaining.
"He is no longer in charge," wife Erisa Laska captioned her IG video.
Job well done here by dad. That's the perfect way to get out of Elf duty. Get this man a Tracksuit Santa.
Elf Uniforms Enter NBA G League
Speaking of Elves and continuing with our trend of making things awkward, Cleveland's G League team - the Charge (you already knew that) - busted out some awesomely awkward uniforms to commemorate the 20th anniversary of the movie Elf.
For the record, the Charge weren't even a thing 20 years ago and have no known association with the Will Ferrell classic. But that doesn't mean they can't celebrate the flick with a little bit of hoops and a little bit of ugly...
In the unlikely event you somehow missed the Charge hosting the always tough Indiana Mad Ants, Cleveland fell 146-117. Definitely not the performance anyone was expecting to pair with some commemorative Elf unis.
Me thinks the Charge skipped their normal pregame meal and instead helped themselves to Buddy's four main food groups: candy, candy canes, candy corns and syrup.
And it showed in their play.
What do we think about these unis? Yay or nay? Let me know: anthony.farris@outkick.com or on Elon's X, @OhioAF .
The Best Video You'll See Today
You know what else would be awkward? Eating cereal from the passenger seat on your commute to school. Even more awkward would be your dad singing from the top of his lungs and smacking that same cereal away from you.
But damn would it be funny.
I stumbled upon the below video the other day and Can't. Stop. Watching. It's incredible. I have no idea if this is father and son and if they're on the way to school. But those are my best guesses and the energy is just incredible. This video might have been around for years. Or maybe it's the gift that arrived just days before Christmas that we didn't ask for but now can't imagine life without.
Enjoy.
Before I Head Out...
There's Christmas wrapping that needs done in this house, so it's time for us to awkwardly part ways until we do this again next week.
For what it's worth, I won't be doing the wrapping, my wife will (though I may do some rapping after watching our driver above). But I'm tasked with stashing the gifts. So duty calls. Enjoy the best of the rest and keep those handshakes classy!
Christmas Ale's are the exception!
*Nightcaps publishes at roughly 4pm Monday through Friday.
Follow along on X: @OhioAF