Ex-NFL Pro Sues Ex-Wife For Talking, Impressively, About His Penis Size

Former Pro Bowl offensive lineman Matt Kalil is fed up with his ex-wife talking about the size of his penis, and now he's taking matters into his own hands. 

In court documents obtained Tuesday by TMZ, the former Viking and Panthers OL complained in a lawsuit that his ex-wife, Haley Kalil, has engaged in "invasive commentary" about his dong, and it has been a detriment to his life away from the NFL spotlight. 

OutKick Reacts: Would You Sue Your Ex-Wife For Talking Favorably About Your Penis?

Just so we're on the same page, Haley told a podcast in November that Matt was working with a hog that she described as "two Coke cans, maybe even a third." She says the size of Matt's schlong contributed to their 2022 divorce. 

Matt's lawsuit contends that Haley's podcast comments have brought "unwanted attention and invasive commentary from the public" while noting that his family has "been forced to endure the ongoing public circulation of these degrading and deeply personal statements."

While most men would happily high-five an ex-wife for speaking so glowingly of her ex after divorce, Matt's not playing games. He's even mad that Haley has, allegedly, gained financially for talking about her ex's penis. 

His lawyers contend in the lawsuit that Haley has "received substantial financial benefit, increased viewership, increased engagement, and monetization through various social media platforms and media coverage."

Haley Kalil attends the 2025 Gotham Television Awards at Cipriani Wall Street on June 02, 2025 in New York City. (Photo by Taylor Hill/FilmMagic)

What did Haley Kalil say about her ex-husband's penis size that has him so mad?

Let's go back to November and read these quotes that could eventually work their way into a court case. 

"Deadass… for our whole marriage, deadass. But I was going to try it all. We tried it all: therapist, doctors. Not even lying… Looked up lipo-type s–t… That’s why it’s kinda funny. It’s like my life is a comedy, and it kinda writes itself," Haley told Marlon Garcia on his Twitch livestream after typing something on her phone to Marlon. 

Haley Kalil attends the Los Angeles Premiere of Paramount Pictures "Gladiator II" at TCL Chinese Theatre on November 18, 2024 in Hollywood, California. (Photo by Axelle/Bauer-Griffin/FilmMagic)

"That was the biggest factor… Love him, but he’s my homie… No, because he’s like .01 percent of the population. We’ve tried, impossible unless you’re going to be in tears type s–t."

Then, she added the line that went down in podcasting history. 

"He was just like two coke cans stacked on top of each other… maybe a third," Haley said. 

Matt Kalil went as far as to enter into evidence (obtained by TMZ) showing direct messages that have been sent to his current wife showing people complimenting Matt on his ALLEGED dong size. 

Now he's requesting a jury trial and damages in excess of $75,000.