Kylie Jenner Drops A Beat, Katy Perry Smooches Justin Trudeau & Things Are Getting Hairy For Kim Kardashian

I'm going to make a promise to all of you right now: I will not complain about the Miami Dolphins for the rest of the season.

They can go 1-16. Tua can throw 75 interceptions. Mike McDaniel can wear the dumbest-looking Capri pants the world has ever seen. Let it happen. You won't hear one peep out of me.

Why? Because I'm tired. I'm tired of cheering for a team my whole life that doesn't even care. We've got our QB1 publicly throwing people under the bus every week in press conferences, players not showing up to meetings, a head coach who celebrates each day closer to death and a team that finds a new and creative way to lose every single Sunday.

If they don't give AF, why should I? Why should I invest so much of my precious time and energy into a team when I can just go do something that makes me happy instead?

Case in point:

Actually, the only thing I consume from McDonald's is the occasional large, crispy Diet Coke — nectar of the gods. But the point still remains.

The franchise is garbage. And I'm going to do myself and my readers a favor by no longer paying them any more attention. You have my word on that.

Unless hell freezes over and they learn how to become a functional football team. Not likely.

Anyway, I hope everyone had a great weekend. Aside from watching football, I spent some time in the woods (per usual) with my husband and the dog. We're almost to peak hiking weather here in Middle Tennessee, and soon, the leaves will start changing, too.

The most wonderful time of year. Makes me want to light a pumpkin-scented candle, pop open an Octoberfest and unleash my inner basic b*tch.

Speaking of, Jon C. had a stroke of genius for my competitive beer stein holding training: An idea came to me while brushing teeth this morning. Hey, don’t laugh, Einstein was sorting mail. Instead of dumbbells, you need to train with kettlebells. Hold the kettlebell like you would a beer stein with the weight in front of your fist. This would perfectly mimic the contest. A dumbbell, the weight is more in line with your wrist and wouldn’t stress your forearm muscles as much.

See? This is why I keep you guys around. Let's do some Nightcaps, shall we?

Kylie Jenner Drops New Music

Kylie Jenner (who — I think — is the youngest of the Kardashian/Jenner clan), posted a teaser video over the weekend of her being led down a hallway by a couple of police officers. She's wearing tiny black leather shoKylie Jenner Drops New Music

Kylie Jenner (who — I think — is the youngest of the Kardashian/Jenner clan), posted a teaser video over the weekend of her being led down a hallway by a couple of police officers. She's wearing tiny black leather shorts, a matching bra and shackled into some flimsy-looking handcuffs.

"TOMORROW … ON SNAPCHAT,"  she captioned the video.

What could it be? A new modeling campaign? A movie cameo, maybe? Is she selling another line of latex dresses that you can't actually get away with wearing anywhere in public?

Ope. No. Just releasing some new makeup.

I'm struggling to make the connection between cosplaying as a sexy prisoner in a soft porno and hocking lip glosses to teenagers, but what do I know? Clearly nothing.

Look, I get that Kylie Jenner has some business savvy. She is a 28-year-old near billionaire. But I'm also not naive enough to think that her fortune doesn't have something to do with her famous family and the fact that her plastic surgeon is a modern-day Michelangelo.

She is sculpted perfection, let's not kid ourselves.

But in addition to selling makeup on Snapchat (I had no idea that was a thing), Kylie also announced a brand-new venture: music.

Last night, she released her very first song: "Fourth Strike." Because when you're a Kardashian/Jenner, you can just become a singer if you want to.

Go ahead and take a listen.

Yikes.

I mean, this amount of autotune is surely above the legal limit, no? Also, not a single instrument was harmed in the making of this song — some dude definitely threw this together last week using Garage Band on his MacBook.

Get off my lawn.

This sucks, I'm sorry. But everyone in the YouTube comments is acting as if it's the greatest musical composition of our generation, so — again — what do I know?

On Second Thought… We're Canceling All The Kardashian-Jenners

Effective immediately.

Who… asked for this? The "nipple bra" was one thing, but pubic wigs are entirely another.

Arrest these people.

Katy Perry & Justin Trudeau Are Hot & Heavy

Back in July, the internet exploded with rumors after Katy Perry and Justin Trudeau were spotted wining and dining together up in Canada. One of their dishes even contained lobster, according to TMZ — a fact I'm still not sure is relevant at all.

(But according to Google: "Historically, lobster has been associated with love and romance. In Greek mythology, Aphrodite, the goddess of love, was born from the sea, and lobsters were considered creatures of love. This association led to the belief that lobster could enhance sexual desire.")

Do with that information what you will on your next date night.

Anyway, on this particular date, Katy told him all about her storied career as an astronaut, and Trudeau enlightened her with harrowing tales of how he bullied a bunch of truckers into getting COVID vaccines by freezing their bank accounts.

Turns out, though, it wasn't just a lobster-induced one-night stand. 

Because on Saturday, photos went viral of the singer and the former Canadian prime minister locking lips on a yacht.

Fast-forward a couple of days. Katy brings a man onstage holding a sign that said, "I heard you're single?" To which Katy replied, "That's interesting."

Then, the man got down on one knee and proposed to her.

"You know you really should have asked me about 48 hours ago," Katy said, seemingly referencing her little yacht romp with Trudeau.

Better luck next time, my dude.

In NFL WAG News…

Nicole Anderson is dating Detroit Lions running back Jahmyr Gibbs. But you'd certainly never know it by looking at her social media! 

In a recent interview with PEOPLE, the influencer said she doesn't like to mention her famous boyfriend in her TikTok and Instagram posts. In other words, she doesn't use him for clout.

"When I do make my videos, I don't say like, 'Get ready with me like for my boyfriend's game,'" she explains. "I don't try and use his name as a 'Follow me.'"

Yeah! Nicole likes to keep that relationship under wraps! She would never post videos of her taking a private jet to the games, kissing Jahmyr on the field, wearing his name all over her clothing and his face on her pants. And she'd certainly never have him do cringe Tiktok trends with her.

See?! She never even mentions him!

Look, no shade to Nicole. She has every right to post whatever she wants on her page, and she should post whatever she wants. Nicole's content has earned her a Lions collaboration with New Era, and she's probably made a ton of money in other brand deals, too. She's also stunning. Good for her!

But cut the nonsense about never posting your boyfriend for clout.

Every single post is about your damn boyfriend, girl. That would be like me saying I never post photos of my dog. A bald-faced lie.

Let's move on to another WAG who is not pretending to be anything other than a shameless promoter of her boyfriend's career.

Chloe Rodriguez is dating legendary New York Giants running back Cameron Skattebo. Now, I'm still fuming over some very poor personnel moves I made on my fantasy team this weekend, which left Skattebo scoring 31 points on my bench. As a result, I lost by A HALF POINT to OutKick's most hated, Alejandro Avila. 

(Just kidding, he's the nicest person here. But I'm ill about this loss.)

Still, I'm going to let all that slide to share with you Chloe's inside look at the life of a brand-new NFL WAG.

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OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com