'Queen Of Bama Rush' Heads To Super Bowl, Lindsey Vonn Is A Machine & Fanatics Sucks Again
Plus, iguanas are falling out of the sky.
All I've done for the past two weeks is gripe about the weather. But since we're enjoying a toasty 47-degree day in my neck of the woods, I'll refrain.
But let's quickly check in on Zach Dean down there in Florida:
Looks about right.
Anyway, today's Nightcaps comes to you from Middle Tennessee. Or as Billie Eilish would call it, the land stolen from the Eastern band of Cherokee Nation.
They'd be horrified to see the housing prices here these days. And the traffic.
Like all the rest of you, I am sludging through this first week of February and trying to get even mildly excited for the Super Bowl. I realize I should soak it in. Because in a month or so, I'll be desperately wishing I had a football game to watch.
For now, though, I just can't get hyped about the Evil Patriots going to yet another Super Bowl. I mean, sure the Seahawks will be there, too. But honestly, I forget they exist most of the time. And because the football gods hate me, I just know I'm going to have to watch those demons from Foxborough hoist the Lombardi yet again for the 7th time in 25 years — a span during which my pathetic Dolphins haven't won a single playoff game.
But I'll try to be optimistic. In fact, this is the only pregame analysis I'm interested in:
In other news:
I Finally Caved And Started 'The Pitt'
Partly because it has astronomically high ratings, but also because I got so tired of seeing a blown-up, zoomed-in portrait of that actor's face every time I open HBO Max. So, I threw my hands up in the air, and I said, "Enough already! I'll watch the doctor show!"
I read in a review that the show is the epitome of "competency porn." That is to say the audience derives some deep sense of pleasure from witnessing a character's proficiency or expertise at their craft. And that just about sums this show up. It's super fast-paced (which is nice if you're easily bored), and it's full of very smart emergency room doctors who have to deal with every ailment from heart attacks to gunshots to overdoses and extreme constipation in rapid-fire succession.
Friends, I am entertained.
And if you're playing Woke Bingo, "The Pitt" won't disappoint. I'm only four episodes into the first season (which is only four hours in the ER, according to the show), and they've already checked the following boxes:
- Lesbians
- Racist white patients making racist comments to minority doctors
- Trans patient
- Doctor apologizing for the hospital's misgendering of trans patient
- Support of abortion after 11 weeks
- "Unhoused," not homeless
Still, it's a good watch. I recommend it.
Congratulations To My Husband!
…who — as of today, February 3, 2026 — has officially had the privilege of being married to me for three whole years.
Look for a special wedding/anniversary edition of Womansplaining later this week. And while I'm on the topic, fellas… THIS IS YOUR 11-DAYS UNTIL VALENTINE'S DAY WARNING. No excuses on February 14.
And with that, let's get to some Nightcaps.
RushTok Queen Heads To The Super Bowl
You won't be shocked to know I wasn't in a sorority at Tennessee. Once I saw girls spending hundreds of dollars on outfits and hours to get ready… only to come back to the dorms bawling because they were rejected from their expensive friend group of choice, I decided that life wasn't for me.
No shade, though.
OK, a little shade.
Fun fact: Back when I was in Knoxville, they didn't even have physical sorority houses for the girls to live in. As legend had it, there was an antiquated Tennessee state law banning more than eight women from living together because that legally constituted a "brothel." Turns out, though, this was all hogwash. In reality, there just wasn't a lot of space on campus to build a sorority row, and the school didn't want to pay for it.
I digress. Anyway, thanks to influencers like Alabama's Kylan Darnell, we can get an inside look at the experience of Rush Week without actually having to partake in the humiliation ritual ourselves.
Kylan garnered a huge social media following after documenting her journey to joining a sorority in 2022 and has since earned the title of "Queen of Bama Rush." She's parlayed that internet fame into a gig with the SEC Network and now as a correspondent for "Inside Edition" at Super Bowl LX in San Francisco.
Listen, I'm not trying to be a hater. But can we please quit throwing money and jobs at influencers just because they are good at talking while they put on makeup on TikTok? I'm sure Kylan is a lovely person, but what are we doing here?
By the way, if you have a lady in your life who doesn't know ball (or just a guy who enjoys Sephora), and they need to brush up on their football knowledge ahead of Sunday's game, Kylan has them covered with this:
Speaking of Sunday's game, I hope you Patriots and Seahawks fans already bought your jerseys way in advance.
Oh No, Fanatics Sucks Again
From the company that brought you see-through MLB uniforms, World Series T-Shirts with the wrong names on the back and NFL jerseys in the wrong colors, Fanatics is proud to present overpriced, low-quality Super Bowl LX slop!
New England and Seattle fans are furious online after discovering that Super Bowl merch is either impossible to find, looks like it was screen-printed in someone's garage… or both.
And Fanatics' explanation somehow made things worse.
In a now-viral apology, the company essentially admitted: Sorry, we didn't think these teams would be any good, so we didn't bother preparing.
Turns out when two fanbases suddenly care about buying jerseys, that's considered an "unprecedented challenge."
Fanatics certainly isn't beating the allegations that it's a multi-billion-dollar sports apparel monopoly.
This is all your fault, Patriots and Seahawks. If you were chilling in Cancun right now like you were supposed to be, we wouldn't have this problem.
Lindsey Vonn, You Are Not Human
After getting a brand-spankin' new titanium knee, coming out of retirement, becoming the oldest skier to win a World Cup race AND qualifying for the Olympics at 41-years-old, Lindsey Vonn had seemingly run out of luck.
Lindsey was airlifted from the course on Friday — just one week before the Winter Olympics were set to start. While Team USA did not provide an update at the time, it didn't look good.
Turns out, it was decidedly not good. Lindsey fully ruptured her ACL. In her non-metal knee.
But you know what? F*ck it. Who needs knees?
She's doing the Olympics anyway!
Let's Wrap This Thing Up By Checking In On The Liberal White Ladies:
Oh… oh no.
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OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.