'Sad Kentucky Girl' Creates A Buzz, Sarah Michelle Gellar Brings The Heat & March Madness Sex Bracket
I woke up this morning so damn proud of the internet. I'll be honest, I think yesterday may have been your finest hour.
It was the first day of March Madness, so you knew the content would be there for the taking. But it was gonna be up to you guys to take the bull by the nuts and run with it.
And what I saw was an absolute masterclass.
We had sad fans over at Kentucky going viral. We had John Calipari memes out the ass. We had death threats flying at Clay from a Wildcat message board.
Elsewhere, you guys made the most of Jack Gohlke and his electric coach stealing hearts in Oakland – which I just found out is in Michigan – and you even helped me out with my kid's haunted room.
Sort of. Actually, I'm not sure you helped, but you did … make the First Lady even more freaked out than she already was, so I guess that's something.
All in all, it was a banner day from everyone on the internet, so I just wanna say thanks. We'll get to it all here in a bit.
On that note, welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where we pick ourselves up after a rare drunken Thursday and gear up for our usual drunken Friday night.
Big weekend in store for us, so let's get down to business, so we can get it started.
Sarah Michelle Gellar inexplicably makes her Nightcaps debut today because it's almost her birthday and the fastball is still strong. Any time I can welcome Daphne Blake to class is a win, you know.
What else? I know it's a cop-out, but there were just so many A+ tweets last night surrounding March Madness I'd be remiss if I didn't present a couple of the winners to class. So, you'll get that here in a bit.
I also put on my Big J journo hat this morning and ID'd the viral Kentucky fan from last night, so she'll join today's class, and we'll also empty the mailbox before calling it a week.
Sound good? I hope so, because it's what you're getting.
Drink!
Sounds like I need to just accept that my house is haunted, which is a bummer
Been a while since we had a mailbag, so let's start with that today.
Yesterday, I started class by asking the group if my daughter's room is haunted.
Read it here if you skipped the lesson, but the short of it is that my toddler has been sleeping like ass for months now and recently started talking about/pointing out "ghosteses."
Not great!
I got a bunch of emails in response, but these two stood out –
From Mark:
I've written to Caps, but first time-long time for the late edition.
My little brother had the same scenario of waking up with night terrors when he was around 3 or 4. What I wouldn't suggest doing is what my smartass father did. He drew a face on a zucchini that was in the kitchen, gave it to my brother, and told him it would keep him safe. It worked for a while, but that is a VERY short-term solution (they start to rot). A stuffed animal or toy might be a good "guardian" for your daughter.
Second, we realized, after things fired up again, post-vegetable guardian, that he was freaking out because of a Halloween costume that was in his closet. I guess he saw it go in there, and something in his toddler subconscious equated it with scary dreams.
Give the house a once-over to see if there's anything scary/ghostlike that she sees on a regular basis. The good news is that she obviously is working on a great imagination for that future blogging gig.
First off, welcome to class, Mark! Glad to have you aboard.
Secondly, giving the house – and mainly her room – a once-over is a good idea. I've had my doubts about her current nightlight for a while now, because it creates some pretty questionable shadows on the ceiling.
The First Lady is actually doing this today, so good call.
Next –
From Joe in Ohio (not Kinsey):
Yes. Your daughter can see ghosts. My younger daughter did too. She reported several times (at age two or three) that there was "a tall man with wings" standing at the top of the stairs. She was scared but didn't get wigged out.
A few years later she developed a real jones for The Nightmare Before Christmas, to the extent that I nicknamed her "Stephanie King."
There's no point in moving. Your daughter will just see spirits in the next house. She'll outgrow it. I hope.
My house is still haunted by the ghosts of pet cats who have come and gone. I've seen one occasionally (it walks across my path at night when I get up for my nightly whee), my ex- has seen one, and my girlfriend has seen two of them. I'm glad they liked the household enough to stick around.
Good luck!
Best,
Joe from Ohio
Let's take a break from the ghost talk with Daphne, AKA Sarah Michelle Gellar
Thanks, Joe! I read that one to The First Lady and she had to stop me at the tall man with wings part. She was OUT after that.
So, the good news here is that when my daughter predictably woke up at 12:20 last night (again, it's clockwork), I was actually able to go in and get her to lay back down with me and fall asleep. That's a first.
I slept in there for a few hours and didn't see this ghost, but I also don't think I'm it's preferred clientele, so I didn't expect to.
Frankly, I'm beginning to think this ghost is sort of a word-that-rhymes-with-wussy (I don't think I'm allowed to say that word here, so I'll play it safe on a Friday).
Come after me, I'm a man, I'm 40 (31)!
Anyway, we'll see what tonight brings. I'd like to build on this momentum we suddenly have, but I'm skeptical. It was nice to wake up in my own bed this morning for the first time in a month. Missed that place.
Good luck with your nightly pisses, Joe! Aim small, miss small.
While we're on the topic of ghosts, here's a very loose transition to Sarah Michelle Gellar – AKA Daphne from Scooby-Doo – who turns 47 in a few weeks and still has the fastball on the Instagram:
The internet found another star at another college sporting event last night
I know a lot of you know Sarah Michelle as Buffy, and that's fair, but she'll always be Daphne Blake to me. Can't believe she's closing in on 47! Stay hot, SMG.
Someone who is most definitely not closing in on 47 is sad Kentucky fan Madison Sheppard Wigginton, the sister of freshman guard Reed Sheppard who went viral last night during the Wildcats' collapse.
I wrote about it earlier today for obvious reasons, but it did get me thinking – at some point, we have to create a hierarchy of internet stars, right?
A power rankings of sorts, especially in today's age of social media, because they're coming so fast and furious lately I'm surprised another one hasn't been born this afternoon alone.
Off the top of my head, you've got the OG who started it all – Katherine Webb. She set the bar way back in the day and is probably still the standard today. Sort of like Paige Spiranac.
But just in the last year or two alone we've had JJ McCarthy's now-fiancee Katya Kuropas, Masters Girl Aaliyah Kikumoto, Ohio State girl from last year's Peach Bowl, Tulane girl from the Cotton Bowl, and even BYU girl from LAST NIGHT.
See? I told you the internet was on point last night. It was a masterclass:
Madness memes & put this cat at the border STAT
Absolutely loaded field, which prompted me to spend five hours trying to make a poll so everyone could vote on the best, only to find out you can't embed polls on our new CMS.
So, that was fun.
Because I'm a man of the people, I included the poll HERE. Click on that giant-ass button that says HERE and vote. I'd like to know who the No. 1 seed of American-made stars is before dinnertime tomorrow. GO.
Now, let's rapid-fire this sucker into a big weekend of gambling and shenanigans.
First up? You wanna fix the border, Joe? Send this hero to Texas tonight and it'll be all ham & eggs by Monday.
Look, it's been too long of a class to include the aviation list, so we'll make sure to update it next week. You're tired of reading things and I'm tired of writing them, so let's just put a pin in it until Monday.
Side note: thanks to the Owls for blowing it late with maybe the worst final possession I've ever seen to cost me a moneyline parlay. Idiots.
Finally … let's end the day with some of the best from Day 1 of the Madness.
See you Monday.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
Is Kentucky girl No. 1? Is my house actually haunted? Did Kate deserve a cut-in? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.