Howard Stern Finally Got Covid, Back To Lockdown

Howard Stern has hunkered down in his basement for most of the past four years. He is, as he describes, "terrified" of Covid-19.

Stern recently discussed an argument with his wife, Beth. It was over her decision to leave the house, increasing the chances she could bring Covid back to his secluded residence.

"Beth has a bunch of plans. She has like a wedding shower to go to and lunch to go to with a friend and a dinner and a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah -- but I can't get Covid," he explained.

Stern has gone out to dinner with friends only once since the start of the pandemic in 2020, per reports:

Bill Maher recently admitted that while he and Stern are friends, Stern refuses to see him in person these days.

“I don’t think I’ll ever see Howard again because I don’t think he’ll ever leave the house because he’s what? No, you know, he’s very, very — look, I don’t want to judge it, but he’s scared of germs,” said Maher.

Howard says the virus could "kill" him.

"It is not just a cold for me," he claims."It’ll probably be way worse. It could kill me."

But after four years, Howard Stern finally tested positive for Covid-19.

“See if we can get through this show. We were supposed to be back last week. We weren’t,” Stern told listeners on Monday. “I got Covid."

Luckily, he did not die.

Stern is still alive. He is still doing his radio show from his basement. And he's still hysterically warning about the dangers of Covid.

“I just want to announce something. Covid is really bad,” he added. “You do not want Covid. Oh fuck.”

The general public didn't have much sympathy for Stern:

To be clear, it wasn't only Covid that turned Stern into a depressing sponge. It was also Donald Trump.

Stern spends hours a week on his radio show complaining about Trump, calling him a Nazi, and foreshadowing a bloody civil war between MAGAs and wokes.

“I am a woke motherfucker, and I love it," Stern declared last month. "I support people who want to be transgender. I’m for the vaccine. I won't get behind Trump."

He is, admittedly, on Team Woke.

Today's Howard Stern is what happens when years of fear and indignation take over an already neurotic figure.

He's Stephen King with a microphone. He's Keith Olbermann with a wife and slightly less severe case of psychosis. And he's headed back to the basement.

"It’s time to go back down into lockdown," said Stern. "I’m just emerging and now I’m going back into lockdown.”

Simp.