These Are The Most Annoying People You Will Encounter At Disney World

Well, it's Wednesday, which means it's time for another edition of the most complain-iest column on the Internet, The Gripe Report!

This week, I want to return to something we talked about almost a year ago, and that's Walt Disney World, or theme parks in general.

Last April, we talked about the nine worst things about going to Disney World. This time, I want to talk about the worst people you will encounter if you go to a theme park.

Have a gripe? Send it in!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com

Seeing as I live in the theme park capital of the world, Orlando, Fla., I spent quite a bit of time at Disney World and at Universal Studios.

As such, I've encountered more types of obnoxious dummies than I'd care to admit.

So, we're going to comb through some of the archetypal characters you'll encounter when you cough up $150 or more for the privilege of spending even more money on food and beverages.

We're going to have a little crossover — looking at you idiots who use trash cans as tables — but trust me, this well will never run dry…

Trashcan Eaters

I’ve talked about this before, but I still can’t believe it’s a thing.

You’ll go to a park, and you’ll see people eating off of trashcans. Not because there’s nowhere else to put their food, but because, for some reason, they think this is like a rite of passage.

A rite of passage to what? A foodborne illness?

I will never understand this. It drives me insane every time I see it. Why are you going the trashcan route over a table? I think it’s because they think they’re being funny or quirky, and an increasingly large part of theme parks that I hate is an arms race of morons trying to be the center of attention.

Also, I just hate that when I have to throw something away, you’ve always got a couple of mouth-breathers shoving chicken fingers in their dumb faces standing guard.

Just make it stop.

"What's up, guys?! Come along with me as I ruin a family from Schenectady's vacation that they've waited a year and a half for by talking through their favorite ride. Also, be sure to smash that subscribe button…" (Getty images)

Vloggers

Back in the period historians refer to as "The Day," you’d see people with big camcorders taking video.

But they were just trying to get home video footage of their kid on the Dumbo ride.

Now, when you see someone in a theme park with camera equipment, they're usually vlogging, which is Internet speak for "walking around ruining everyone else’s day with my camera."

This drives me nuts.

I get that some people can make some money doing this, but most of the people you see jabber-jawing into a camera do not.

But what’s the harm, Matt, you handsome devil? They’re just having fun.

Here’s the problem: imagine dropping tons of money to take your kids to a theme park, and you’re about to ride your favorite ride. You hop on, but you’re seated with some idiot who spends the entire time hamming it up for their 100 YouTube subscribers and completely ruins the experience for you.

I can’t stand it, and I wish parks would start cracking down on this.

People Who Commit Walking Fouls

It’s astounding how many people don’t know how to walk. 

It’s funny because when I go to the park, there are good days and bad days. Some days this is barely an issue, but then other times I start wondering if there was some meeting before I got there where they told everyone to do whatever they could to piss me off.

The biggest is the people who are walking in a high-traffic area and then inexplicably slam on the brakes or abruptly change directions.

I mean, I know you don’t have eyes in the back of your head, but did the thousands of other sunburned idiots here not clue you into the fact that there is likely someone walking behind you at all times?

Then you get the families who decided that the best way to walk is in a phalanx, like they're in Alexander the Great's army, spread out across the entire walking path so no one can get past them.

Oh, and just because you opt for a scooter to wheel around the park, don't think walking etiquette doesn't apply to you. In fact, I'd argue you need to be more on top of your game.

Just keep your head on a swivel and stay aware of your surroundings.

Yeah, Disney World is expensive, so maybe just get one Figment popcorn bucket and call it a day. (Joe Burbank/Orlando Sentinel/Tribune News Service via Getty Images)

People Who Complain About How Expensive It Is… While There

It's no secret that visiting Disney World — or any theme park — can be expensive. 

And do you know who knows that better than anyone else? The people who are there.

I see so many t-shirts with slogans complaining about how expensive their day at the park is, or you hear people complaining in line.

You do realize I'm in the same line for a $9 soft pretzel shaped like a cartoon mouse, right?

I'm aware that the place is expensive. Your options are shut up and pay, or don't go.

Complaining won't bring prices down, not as long as people are paying them. The only way to get them down is to stop going.

So, in the meantime, don't pay to get in the door and then whine about the whole day. You knew what you were getting into, and we're all paying the same borderline extortionate prices.

Also, the people I hear complain like this usually have a bunch of kids with $200 plastic lightsabers slung over their shoulders. You can do these parks for semi-reasonable amounts of money if you don't blow it on junk that you'll never touch again after you leave Central Florida.

Self-Appointed Tour Guides

We all knew Disney people can be total dweebs, and there may be no one dweebier than the self-appointed tour guides.

These people insist on sharing every bit of Disney minutiae that they read on Wikipedia with those around them. And I don't just mean they tell their friends in a quiet and dignified manner; they want everyone to hear.

I've noticed this happens a lot on monorails and buses. You're trapped in those, and the tour guides want to impress everyone with their knowledge, even though no one is impressed by useless bits of trivia.

Even worse, these folks will compete with each other to be the Grand Poobah of annoying Disney fact-spitters. A couple of weeks ago, I heard some woman passively aggressively correct some other guy who was trying to impress his friends.

"Oh, you mean the blah, blah, blah…"

Hey, I'll settle this: you're all losers.

Now, let me enjoy my monorail ride in peace… did you know the Walt Disney World monorail system opened with the Magic Kingdom in 1971?

Cheerleaders And Their Families

I think we've talked about this before, and while it may sound odd, those who know how terrible this lot is just shivered.

Disney World especially hosts a lot of events, including youth sports, which is very cool. 

Unless you hit a cheerleading weekend.

I don't know what the deal is, but ask anyone who has worked for Disney or just lives in the area, and they'll let you know what monsters these people are.

They take over resorts to practice their loud cheers and make human pyramids, and have a reputation for being snotty, spoiled, and rude.

The parents are just as bad, if not worse.

One time, I got stuck trying to get to my car because some cheerleading stage mom blocked off the entire walkway so her kid and her team could get a photo outside the Coca-Cola store.

As I said, they're the worst. 

…

That's it for this edition of The Gripe Report!

If you've got your own annoying theme park archetypes — or any other gripes — send them in for a future installment!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com