Here Are 9 Of The Absolute Worst Things About Disney World From A Guy That Actually Likes Going There

Happy Tuesday and welcome to a very special — some would even say "Magical" — edition of The Gripe Report!

We’re inching closer to summer, which means a lot of people are planning their trips. For many, that trip will be to Walt Disney World.

Have a gripe? Send it in!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com

I grew up taking the train down to Orlando every couple of years for a week or two at Disney. I know us taking the train makes it sound like I grew up in the 1920s, but my dad doesn’t like to fly, so we’d drive three hours from Pennsylvania to Lorton, Virginia to hop on the Amtrak Autotrain, which would then take about 16 hours to get down to Sanford, Florida, which is about 45 minutes to an hour from Disney.

Not the quickest or most efficient way to do it, but it got the job done and we had a car.

I also went to school and still live in the Orlando area, so I’ve been to Disney World a lot. 

My fiancée and I go on average once a week and that usually just involves us going for a walk around a park and grabbing a bite to eat.

But while I enjoy it, there are many — many — things that drive me insane about it.

So, let’s run through some of the most irritating things you’ll encounter at Disney World, and who better to do that than a childless, 30-year-old fella?

…I can’t think of an answer to that, so let’s get started.

Garbage Can Tables

We’ll let this one bat lead off because we’ve discussed it before in a previous, classic edition of The Gripe Report, but people eating on trash cans drives me up a wall.

It’s gross, and it requires you to block people who actually have trash they need to throw away. Half the time, I see this done by people who are within view of a table.

Ya know, something purpose-built to have food eaten off of it.

I think a lot of people do this just for attention. They’re impossible to miss when they’re blocking the trash can you need to throw your spent soft pretzel wrapper into.

Cheerleading Competitions/Run Weekends

Disney World hosts a lot of events, including sporting events, and there are two that make me shudder just thinking about them: cheerleading competitions and run weekends.

Let’s start with cheerleaders. This has happened to me two years in a row. On a random weeknight, I went to Disney Springs for dinner and quickly realized something was up. Restaurants that were typically ghost towns had lines forming in front of them. Others had full-on crowds forming.

That was when I realized, "S–t, there’s a cheerleading competition this weekend."

What you get with these competitions is a perfect storm of extreme crowds comprised of an inordinate number of entitled brats and their enabling parents running amok. Ask any local about this, and they’ll stare off into the distance like they’ve been to war and seen some horrible things.

These teams practically take over hotels and end up doing their loud routines in hotel courtyard areas early in the morning. It’s terrible.

And then there are the run weekends. Same deal, but not quite as bad for tourists, but worse for handsome locals like myself.

The runs involve road closures and it never fails. There’s always somewhere I need to be on the other side of town. I decide to cut through Disney, and boom, the road is closed, and my 20-minute drive turns into double that if I’m lucky.

Cinderella's Castle is quite a sight, but keep it moving; some of us are trying to get a Mickey-shaped soft pretzel. (Photo by David Roark/Disney Resorts via Getty Images)

People Who Stop In Walkways

This one is something that you can encounter anywhere from city streets to the grocery store, but it's rampant at Walt Disney World or any theme park for that matter.

People who will just slam on the brakes in the middle of a crowded walking path for what seems like no reason.

Let's just imagine for a second that you're driving down a busy street. On what planet is it acceptable to just slam on the brakes out of nowhere and block traffic?

That's what these people are doing.

I get that there are a lot of distractions with flashing lights and bright colors and characters walking around, but if you have to stop, how about steering things to the side and out of the way so that the handsome fella walking behind you (read: me) who is on a mission to get himself some green milk from the booth in the Star Wars area doesn't get slowed down.

Visitors board a tram in the Magic Kingdom for a day of fun that will more than likely end with the worst sunburn of their entire lives. (Photo credit should read NICHOLAS KAMM/AFP via Getty Images)

People Who Ask Questions At The Parking Booth

Here's one from when that starts before you even enter a park. You've got a bunch of people trying to get into the parking lot, and for some reason, some dopes feel like this is the right time to ask a question while dozens of cars stack up behind them.

What question? I have no idea because I don't know what the person working the cash register for the parking lot can tell you that someone inside the park couldn't.

Maybe asking what time the parade starts can wait until you've parked your car. That way I don't have to sit there with my arm hanging out the window, waving my Annual Pass (*sniff*) to move things along.

Also, this is no one's fault but my own, but for some reason, I'm incapable of picking the correct parking lane. I always get stuck behind a question-asker or someone who is paying in change. It never fails.

Bubbles

Part of Disney World is them trying to sell you a bunch of mostly useless souvenirs you don’t need; that’s why every ride, show, and even some restaurants end with you walking through a gift shop. 

One of those useless things that I see a lot that totally breaks my brain to smithereens are these little handheld bubble guns.

They typically have little Disney characters on them, are battery-powered, and work thusly: the child presses a button and a jet of bubbles shoots out like it’s The Lawrence Welk Show.

Harmless right? Just a kid blowing bubbles.

Wrong!

If you want your kid to go blow bubbles, go do that with them. Please don’t give them a bubble howizter to shoot into the wind so that all of the bubbles turn and get all over my fiancée’s bagel sandwich (which is a true story, by the way).

You’re souvenir should not affect other people. If I bought a laser pointer and used it to point red dots on people’s crotches there’d be an issue, but if a three-year-old blasts a Tommy gun-like stream of soap in my face, it’s "cute" and I need to get over it.

All I’m saying is that I see a double standard.

I don't know about you, but I'd like to go back to a time when there was Spring Training and IndyCar racing at Disney World. (Getty images)

No More Baseball Or Racing

Here's a quick one, but it bugs me that no team holds Spring Training or racing at Disney World anymore. 

That used to be a thing with the Atlanta Braves holding Spring Training at the ESPN Wide World of Sports Complex from 1997 to 2019, and it bugs me that they have a really nice stadium that just sits empty most of the time.

Disney used to own the Mighty Ducks of Anaheim (a better name than "Anaheim Ducks"). Why not get back into the sports biz, get a minor league team, and have them play at ESPN's Wide World of Sports? What better way to take a break from the hustle and bustle of Disney than by catching a baseball game and drinking $12 Bud Lights out of a souvenir cup because they only offer souvenir cups (this was the case the last time I went to a Spring Training Game at Disney).

Also, it bugs me that they used to have a racetrack on property. It used to be in the corner of the Magic Kingdom parking lot. It was called the Walt Disney World Speedway and was nicknamed "The Mickyard." It was primarily used for the Richard Petty Driving Experience, but it also hosted the Indy Racing League's Indy 200 at Disney World.

You can find the old races on YouTube, but unfortunately the track was closed in 2015, and I think it's been paved over, which is a damn shame.

Group T-Shirts

Like most places. Disney World requires that you wear a shirt. So, a lot of people decide that they’re going to make their friends and family wear matching t-shirts.

There are various reasons people do this, and they are all lame. Let’s go through them.

Family Vacation Shirts: These are t-shirts with a family’s name and the year on them. I don’t get this because like 75% or more of the people around you are also on vacation at the same place. What makes your vacation shirt worthy?

"Funny" Shirts: I’ve seen many attempted "funny" shirts, and they’re either painfully cliché or just not that funny. My least favorite is the one where the mom and kids wear ones that say, "Best Day Ever," while the dad wears one that says, "Most Expensive Day Ever."

Smart of you to pay a screen-printing place to make you screen-printed shirts to complain about how much another place costs.

Drinking Team Shirts: An offshoot of "funny" shirts. You’ll see these at Epcot’s World Showcase, and once again, there are three jokes that everyone uses, and they’re all played out. 

Also, I’ve found that the people in these shirts are the ones who can’t hold their booze.

Adults Who Are Adamant That Disney isn’t A Kid’s Place

I’m an adult who likes to go to Disney World to have a bite to eat, walk around, and maybe hop on a ride, but I wouldn’t consider myself one of those reviled "Disney Adults."

They’re brutal, and they’re guilty of one of my biggest annoyances, which is the people who tell you that Disney World is actually not a kid’s place.

No. It is.

So, maybe don’t box out the kid who’s trying to get a picture with Rafiki because you need it for your Instagram page.

Maybe don’t loudly quote ride spiels because you think it’ll impress your stupid friends.

Now, having said that, let’s go to a gripe that may sound just a touch hypocritical.

The scene of the crime...  (Photo by Alan Solomon/Chicago Tribune/Tribune News Service via Getty Images)

Kids In Nice Restaurants

Food at Disney World is often controversial. Yes, there are some very ungood "theme park food" options around, but there are also some legitimate world-class restaurants.

Those nicer, more expensive restaurants are not really meant to cater to kids nor would your average kid enjoy them, so it drives me crazy when parents don’t realize that just because a restaurant has a kids menu and a couple packs of crayons at the host stand, doesn’t mean it’s good for kids.

Allow me to tell you a quick story…

Last year, my fiancée and I decided to celebrate Valentine’s Day at the Hollywood Brown Derby. It’s the best restaurant at Disney’s Hollywood Studios and probably one of the best in any of the parks or even all of Disney World. It’s got great food and a very cool vibe that’s based on the original Brown Derby restaurants in Southern California, frequented by the biggest stars from Hollywood’s Golden Age.

Now, which part of that description would make one say, "Hey, this would be a good place to take our three kids under 7 for an 8 pm dinner on Valentine’s Day"?

Well, one family thought this and rolled in with their young 'uns in tow. 

Had they been well-behaved, there’d be no problem, but they were hellions.

While we were trying to enjoy escargot and gin martinis, these kids were chasing each other past our table and shrieking pretty much the entire time. The parents did absolutely nothing to keep them in check.

Also, they were British, which shocked me. I thought they were all about manners over there.

Every other table around was annoyed, too, so this wasn’t just the Gripe Report Guy doing what he does best and finding reasons to complain. One table even cheered when this family left (it wasn’t us, but we did fist-bump if memory serves). 

Just do your homework and realize that when choosing a restaurant, the Old Hollywood restaurant with $70 entrees isn’t so ideal for kids, while the Toy Story-themed family-style barbecue place a four-minute walk away may be a better option.

Especially on Valentine’s Day.

…

Man, I could go for a Dole Whip right about now.

So, let's reconvene next week for some more griping, and in the meantime, send in your best gripes!: matthew.reigle@outkick.com