Hey, Louvre Thieves; France's Escargot Thieves Want You To Hold Their Bordeaux
I don't condone it, but I understand the desire...
It was going to take a lot for a French heist to impress me more than that one at the Louvre, and while the thieves didn't get away with something worth as much monetary value, I'm more impressed by this new batch of French thieves who made off with $100,000 worth of escargot.
Those are, of course, fine, French eatin' snails.
And if that made you turn your nose up and say, "Ew, goodie," like a Valley girl, how about growing up and realizing what you're missing out on?
God… gag me with a spoon…
READ: PASSWORD FOR THE LOUVRE’S SECURITY SYSTEM BEFORE MASSIVE HEIST WAS DUMBER THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE
Anyway, according to The Independent, 490 kg (just under a thousand pounds) of French snails worth €90,000, or around $100,000, was stolen from a farm in the Champagne region of France called L’Escargot des Grands.
There were enough fresh and frozen mollusks to make an estimated 10,000 meals.
And delicious meals at that. As I said, escargot is amazing, so while I would never endorse stealing some, I can understand the compulsion.
I mean, they're usually swimming in butter and garlic. It's incredible. Grow up, get over the fact that they're snails, and have yourself a delicious meal.
Now that's good eatin'… (Getty Images)
Not that there's a good time to be on the receiving end of a snail theft, but according to a social media post from the escargot producer Jean-Mathieu Dauvergne, it couldn't have happened at a worse time.
"This is definitely not the kind of post we thought we'd write as the holidays approach. We've been robbed, and our fresh and frozen snails stash has been (taken)," Dauvergne wrote.
"The coming weeks are usually the most important for us... so this is a shock, a misunderstanding, and a real blow to the entire team. We are trying our best to restock our stocks to satisfy you for the holidays."
Now this really sucks. Theft is far from a victimless crime, and you hate to see people's livelihoods impacted like this.
Hopefully, Dauvergne and his team can minimize the losses and continue to deliver delicious escargot to those in the market for it.
Did I mention escargot is great?
I did?
Well, I stand by it…