Former First Take Host Molly Qerim Hits The Beach, Filthy LIBS Attack Kristi Noem & The FSU Cowgirl Saddles Up

Whoaaaaaaaaa Nellie! What a DAY! Has anything happened since we last spoke yesterday afternoon? Well, NASCAR and Michael Jordan settled their lawsuit! How's that for big news??

Wait. Wrong class. That's Monday Morning Pit-Stop down the hall. Wrong day, wrong class. I'm all over the map right now. 

Holy cow. God, I love college football. It's just the best. Nothing else even comes close. 

In the last 10 days, Lane Kiffin has quit on his team for a rival right before the playoffs, Notre Dame has quit in general and basically demanded the NCAA give them a free playoff pass every season, and Michigan fired its head coach because he was having an affair with one of his staffers. 

And, oh yeah, he's also being detained in jail right now on assault charges. 

Come on. You getting THAT sort of #content out of the NFL, NBA, or MLB? No shot. And we still have a months-worth of bowl games AND the CFB playoff in front of us? 

How lucky are we today? Let's roll. 

Welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where ousted ESPNer Molly Qerim resurfaces on a beach and turns on America. How are you not clicking on THAT??

What else? I've got more Michigan fallout (duh), including noted Michigan Man Adam Schefter SHILLING on this morning's First Take. Elsewhere, Joe Burrow has me concerned, and FSU cowgirl Jen Sterger goes … cowgirl! 

Whew. What a MENU. 

Grab you literally anything with alcohol in it – we can't be picky today – and settle in for a wild Thursday 'Cap!

Schefty is #TeamMichigan!

I mean, we have to start with the only thing people are talking about today, right? And yes, before you guys inevitably email me – I know who the chick is, allegedly. I know it's all over social media. I know there are pictures. 

At the risk of having a certain Ole Miss student situation on our hands, we're gonna wait a while before diving in. Did I get all my legal bases covered? 

Good! 

Now, let's get to Adam Schefter, who went on ESPN this morning and, shockingly, took the side of Sherrone Moore! He's worried about how Sherrone is feeling today. He's begging us to consider how this has affected HIM. 

Adam is PLEADING with folks to let Sherrone tell his side of the story first. The only problem is … HE'S IN JAIL right now:

Speaking of First Take … Molly's BACK!

Amazing. Just amazing. Between Portnoy, Adam, and, I assume, Rich Eisen, the U-M talking heads are SWEATING today. 

By all accounts – ALLEGEDLY, of course – the school knew about this months ago. They investigated it. Neither party fessed up … until earlier this week, when the staffer whose name I can't say apparently came forward with a bag full of smoking guns. 

It's just an awful look for Michigan, which really couldn't afford any more awful looks. At least for a while. And THIS is the spin Adam Schefter cobbles up?

"We have an individual who had his professional and personal life completely upended."

What in the hell world am I living in right now? How can Adam Schefter sit there with a straight face and spew that crap? And look, we don't know the full story. Duh. I get that. 

But I think, Adam, at this point we know enough to know that Sherrone Moore is not the victim. Can we at least agree on that? 

Incredible. 

Anyway, back to our regularly-scheduled Nightcaps programming … 

Speaking of First Take, old host Molly Qerim – who abruptly quit in October – resurfaced earlier this week and seems to be doing WELL:

Burrow, Jen & the LIBS attack Kristi!

Welcome BACK, Molly! Granted, I never, ever watched First Take during your run, but that was just because it was an insufferable show, on an insufferable network, featuring insufferable people. 

But now that you're a free agent and back on Instagram? You are welcome to this class any time you'd like! Don't be such a stranger!

OK, let's rapid-fire this Thursday class into a big Thursday night. 

I know I say it every week, but let's enjoy TNF tonight. Bucs-Falcons. Not the greatest game on paper, but a month from now we will be BEGGING for shitty Thursday night games to come back. Begging. 

Don't take it for granted. But do take Bucs -5. 

First up? Maybe steer clear of any future Bengals bets, though:

Nope. Don't love that, and I don't even have any skin in the game. I'm a Dolphins fan. I'd LOVE for Tua to retire tomorrow. But Joe Burrow? I don't want him talking like this. I love watching him play the four games a year he actually plays!

Sure, it's a joke, but is it? That's what this is all about, right? Joe Burrow has never been able to stay healthy. Everyone wants to take aim and fire at Tua over his health history, but, for some reason, Burrow gets a pass every single year. 

He is ALWAYS hurt. Always, always, always. I can't even remember his last healthy season. Has he ever had one? The Super Bowl year, right? Is that it? 

He just sounds like a dude who ain't having fun right now. He's hurt. The Bengals stink. Clearly, he's got some stuff going on back at home. The vibes aren't great in Cincinnati right now. 

Chin up, Joe. Don't go out like this. 

Next? And also, don't go out holding a baby!

Just disgusting. Filthy, disgusting, pathetic LIBS. They're the worst. Just screaming and spewing their disgusting slobber all over this poor kid. Have some self-respect. Have some decency. Animals. 

Kids are off limits. Prop or not. These people are sick. 

OK, that's it for today. What a class. What a day. 

Take us home, Jen Sterger. 

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

You feel bad for Sherrone? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.