Elon Musk Takes Jab At Paris Hilton, John Kerry Lets One Rip, Defund The HOA & The Christmas Decor Debate Rages On

I'd like to start off today by begging for your forgiveness.

Over the weekend, I wrote about controversy during the Big 12's Dr Pepper Halftime Challenge. The annual chest pass challenge went to double overtime thanks to a counting error, and the wrong guy won. A vitally important story for a big-J journalist like myself to cover.

But I made one critical error. See, I didn't realize there is no period after the "Dr" in Dr Pepper. So I humiliated myself and the entire OutKick staff by including punctuation. It was an egregious error, and I'm honestly shocked Clay didn't fire me himself.

The good folks of the south are chuckling at your Yankee error, OutKick reader Jeff wrote to me in an email.

So I'd like to offer this very genuine apology in hopes that you, my Nightcaps family, can find it in your heart not to discredit everything this Yankee writes from here on out.

Phew. OK, I feel a lot better now that I got that off my chest.

Now we can move on to more fun things. And we have a lot to cover today — everything from Paris Hilton's cooking skills to Christmas lights, Home Owners Associations and globally televised farts.

Pour a stiff one and buckle up, comrades. It's Nightcaps time!

Elon Musk Is Feuding With Paris Hilton

In all fairness, Elon Musk is feuding with everyone.

But after telling Disney CEO Bob Iger to kindly go f-ck himself last week, the billionaire took a little jab at Paris Hilton.

Like Disney, Hilton's 11:11 Media recently pulled ad support from X after a report from George Soros-funded Media Matters claimed the social media platform placed sponsorship ads next to hateful and pro-Nazi content.

Paris had been using X to advertise her line of "Be an Icon" kitchenware.

Musk didn't seem bothered by her decision, responding, "The ad campaign wasn't super convincing tbh. I don't think Paris cooks a lot."

This was news to me, but blondie actually does have her own culinary show on Netflix called Cooking with Paris. However, I'd bet Elon's bank account that the series is just a publicity stunt to promote her line of baby pink non-stick pans and heart-shaped cake pans.

Because I refuse to believe the heiress to the multi-billion-dollar Hilton fortune is whipping up her own scrambled eggs in the morning.

Especially since she admitted this week that she'd never even changed her own baby's diaper.

So yeah, I'm with Elon on this one. No way Paris actually cooks.

But if you need a recipe for sautéed jelly beans, sprinkles and marshmallows, she's got you, babe.

John Kerry Lets One Rip

John Kerry is in Dubai this week screaming about climate change and, apparently, auditioning for The View.

The former presidential runner-up was rambling on about coal-fired power plants when the microphone caught him letting off some gas emissions of his own.

Listen.

That food over there in the Emirates will sneak up on you when you least expect it!

We'll give ol' John a pass, though. He's had a tough week.

Not that I would know, but apparently it's very stressful when your gigantic, gas-guzzling private jet gets frozen to a runway for hours while you're on your way to lecture everyone about global warming.

Better be careful, though, Mr. Kerry. At 79, you're getting awfully close to the age of our Old Geezer-In-Chief Joe Biden.

Before you know it, you won't simply be tooting on stage. You'll have to learn to run away from the cameras when nature calls!

He probably just needed a diaper change. Maybe Paris Hilton can help.

Let's open up the mailbag, shall we?

The Christmas Color Debate Rages On

Last week, I explained that I am a traditionalist when it comes to Christmas decorations. There's a strict rule in my house that we only decorate with actual Christmas colors: red, green, silver and gold.

And judging by my emails, most of you agree. Aly from Indiana is making an exception for Hanukkah, though.

Red, green, white, silver and gold are the only acceptable colors. None of that blue sh-t either. I guess Jewish folks can have blue for their holiday. They've been through a lot.

Amber:

Phenomenal point by Aly. I was, specifically, referring to Christmas decorations, but other religious and cultural holidays — like Hanukkah and Kwanzaa — celebrate with different colors and entirely different traditions.

In fact, I learned from the Chinese spy app that many Jewish people are annoyed with corporate America treating Hanukkah as if it were just "blue Christmas."

And here comes Chris to really put me in my place.

First-time emailer, and I'm gonna be that guy, but that guy with a good reason: blue and purple are perfectly fine "Christmas" decoration colors.

Yes, the scare quotes are intentional. I attend a church that follows the traditional church year (Lutheran Church Missouri Synod, if you care to know), and the weeks leading up to Christmas are actually, historically speaking, part of the church season of Advent...and the colors designated for Advent are either blue or purple.

Therefore: put up that blue and purple in your decorations during December! God is on your side! (And, actually, use pink during one of the weeks, too! But that's getting even farther into the weeds...)

Amber:

I can't believe, with my 13 years of Catholic schooling, that I did not consider Advent wreaths. And I guess I just told on myself for how long it's been since I actually went to church.

But yes, Chris, you are correct.

Catholics typically use purple and pink for Advent candles, and I guess Lutherans use blue, too. But now that I'm thinking about it, I'm not sure I've ever actually seen these candles outside of church.

That said, I'm sticking to my guns: Christmas decorations are red and green. Except for your Advent wreath.

Bruce Has One More Exception

I agree Christmas should be, red, green, silver, gold, and I like some white. See the living room Christmas picture below. The metal tress on the left are from my loft condo in downtown Minneapolis before I moved from that liberal sh-t hole to the great red state of South Carolina.

I keep those trees for old time's sake (as I enjoyed that condo after I divorced my last and final wife), but did buy a green artificial tree from Balsam Hill.

Amber:

OK OK, so if you're keeping track at home, Christmas decorations must be Christmas colors unless you a) have an Advent wreath or b) require a memento from your liberal sh-t hole former home where you lived with your ex-wife.

Your living room is lovely, Bruce.

Patrick Is Taking On The HOA

HOA said no lights…. they won't say anything… Nice elderly lady across the yard has a tiny, tiny reindeer in white lights. I sprained my ankle stepping off the platform; I now have permission to be an insufferable pompous dick.

Amber:

No lights? At all?! Is Ebenezer Scrooge himself in charge of your neighborhood?

Patrick, if I were your Secret Santa, I'd buy you this.

Listen, HOAs are un-American. Something about paying someone to tell me what I can and can't do with my own house just doesn't sit right with me.

Fortunately, my neighborhood doesn't have one. But we are adjoined to a neighborhood that does have an HOA. (You can tell where the line is because our houses have mostly vinyl siding while the fancy folk-neighborhood has mostly brick.)

The rich people side has to follow the rules while we povos get to run amuck. And I wouldn't have it any other way.

But I do love the idea of Patrick and the little old lady across the street teaming up to stick it to the fun-suckers at the HOA. Please keep fighting the good fight and send us updates, Patrick.

If you really want to be an "insufferable pompous dick," though, I recommend this for next year.

Stuff That Made Me LOL

Over Thanksgiving dinner, my sister-in-law was telling me how she constantly catches herself using cutesy "baby talk" to address her new dog, who is about a year and a half old.

"Isn't that so weird," she asked.

I then informed her that I talk to my almost-15-year-old dog as if she is a fully grown adult human about things like my 401(k), and I think that's probably weirder.

But I'm glad I'm not the only one.

Content like this is why God and Al Gore made the Internet.

I knew dogs did this on purpose.

I cackled like Kamala at this next one.

Still a better halftime show than Jack Harlow.

And finally, this is the whitest white people thing I have ever seen. And I am white people.

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m.

Follow me on X / Twitter at @TheAmberHarding or email me at Amber.Harding@OutKick.com.