Dinner Is Over: Here’s Which Free Post-Meal Candies, Mints, And More Reign Supreme

I love a nice meal out at a restaurant, and there's nothing that sends me home happier than getting a little extra something after the check arrives to celebrate the meal, and my credit card doesn't get declined.

I'm talking about a nice piece of candy, mint, or other treat free of charge to say, "Thank you for your business… now get the f--k out."

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But not all are created equal. Some can tank a great meal, while others can elevate a mediocre one.

Some get me more fired up than others, so let's rank the best of the best in post-meal freebies.

Chocolate is delicious, but it ranks high on the breath funk factor index. (Getty Images)

Chocolate

Who doesn't love to cap off a meal with a little bit of chocolate?

I'll tell you who: anyone who wants their breath to smell pleasant.

We're going to see this as we dig through this list, but in addition to capping off a meal and acting as a palate cleanser, these handouts are meant to freshen up your breath. Gussy up the ol' halitosis factory.

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Chocolate doesn't do that. Chocolate breath is horrendous. So, if you've just wrapped up a nice garlicky meal at an Italian restaurant, eating some chocolate afterward is like trying to extinguish a fire with jet fuel.

So, while it tastes nice, it's easily the worst post-meal freebie.

Fortunate cookies have been phoning it in for way too long. (Getty Images)

Fortune Cookie

Fortune cookies are popular, but they never really moved the needle with me personally. 

As a cookie, they stink. It's like if someone wrote the word "VANILLA" on a piece of cardboard and stuck a little slip of paper inside.

Also, I don't know if you've read them lately, but fortune cookie fortunes have really jumped the shark.

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One of the last times my wife and I got Chinese, her fortune told her to keep a journal.

That's not a fortune, that's homework!

I want some piece of wisdom in the form of a proverb or riddle. Something like, "The man who opens his umbrella upside down catches no fish," or "He who smelt it, dealt it."

These get your breath sparkling clean, but are they perhaps a little too seasonal? (Getty Images)

Peppermint Pinwheel

Now we're getting into the real heavy hitters who realize that this mission is about cleansing the palate and freshening your breath.

I like a peppermint pinwheel after a meal. It gets the job done, but it's a little too seasonal for my liking.

There's just something about eating one of those things in July that just feels wrong. In my dumb brain, they're just so Christmas-y.

That said, I will happily eat mine and pick up any that people leave at the table.

These but in spearming.  (Photo Illustration by Tim Boyle/Getty Images)

Lifesaver

Pretty much the same deal as the peppermint candies, but much more of an all-season daily driver.

Plus, I'm partial to the spearmint flavor that these usually come in as opposed to the peppermint.

What's the difference between the two? Hell if I know.

Also, when I was a kid, someone told me that these spark if you chew on them, and that's super badass.

I'm still not sure what a lychee is, but it makes for one dynamite after-dinner candy. (Photo by Matt Reigle)

Lychee Candy

This is the candy that inspired this list.

My wife and I went to one of our favorite sushi joints recently, and as good as the food is, the lychee candies that they give you at the end are one of the highlights for me.

They serve them on a little dish, and these things are incredible. Just the right amount of sweetness that cleanses the palate and freshens up your breath.

I don't even know what lychee I am, and I love these. Seriously. If a lychee walked into my office right now and roundhouse kicked me in the throat, I'd have no clue what had just assaulted me.

I'd be like, "I think some kind of fruit just kicked me in the throat… I think it was fruit. Could've been some kind of vegetable or a root of some sort, maybe?"

Better yet, my wife never wants hers, so guess who gets to eat one and then pocket the other?

…

…

…yeah, that's right; me.

Andes Mints

Make way for the king. 

Is there anything that beats an Andes mint to cap off a meal?

I don't think there is.

You get the taste of chocolate, but it comes with a dose of mint to counteract the atrocity chocolate normally commits against your breath.

This is an Olive Garden staple, and nothing beats eating a dozen breadsticks and a bowl of salad and then cleansing the palate with one of these fellas.

Oddly enough, I don't think I've ever had an Andes mint unless it was given to me for free after a meal.