Dak Prescott Sex Toy Could Be The Next Stanley Cup, Snakes In The Shower & Peacock Movies
Yeah, here we go! It's a Friday Nightcaps -- the one where we introduce the world to a brand spanking new Dak Prescott sex toy that will have everyone giddy-upping during Sunday's Cowboys-Packers playoff game.
Did I think I'd be ending my week by researching the intricacies of the Bluetooth sex toy industry? Nope. Are there worse ways to spend a Friday? Absolutely.
Hell, the folks over at Awful Announcing spent there day interviewing Jemele Hill. Who used their time more wisely today?
Yeah, thought so.
Anyway, welcome to a Friday 'Cap. Should be a big one, because we're about 24 hours away from the start of Super Wild Card weekend. I called it one of the most underrated weekends of the year in my power rankings (shameless plug alert!) earlier this week, and I stand by it.
On one hand, you're sad because there's no RedZone and only six games. That sucks. I'll admit, it's been BRUTAL not having football to bet this week. I did a blind NBA player parlay on Wednesday just because I was having withdrawals.
I haven't watched the NBA since Allen Iverson was on the 76ers. Needless to say, it did not hit. But I felt better afterwards.
On the other hand, though, we get two playoff games tomorrow night, three on Sunday, and then a bonus Monday nighter. Mix in the fact that the Miami-KC game will be dangerously close to being uninhabitable while the Bills-Steelers showdown could be a whiteout, and I'm all in. What a weekend.
Yes, we're gonna talk Dak Prescott sex toys today. It's not even shtick. That's literally what it is. You'll see.
I'd also like to check out some of the better Peacock movies I stumbled upon this week while researching what to do with my new subscription after the Dolphins lose tomorrow night, and then swing by the mailbox on the way out.
Oh yeah, we may also talk rattlesnakes. Not sure yet. I'm terrified of snakes and this video was tough to get through. Not sure I wanna send ya'll off to a big Friday night with this in your brain, so we'll see.
OK, enough talk. More action. Yeah, here we go!
Dak Prescott sex toy could make for a big Sunday playoff game
We'll go ahead and address the sex toy-sized elephant in the room before moving on to Peacock and snakes.
There's no real way to get the ball rolling, so I'll just pass along this email I got from the CEO of CamSoda this morning. A day after offering Bill Belichick a cozy job as an adult entertainer, the brainiacs in marketing came up with this:
Hi - Today, CamSoda - an adult company - is releasing a new sex toy ahead of the Cowboys playoff game against the Packers on Sunday that will allow viewers to enjoy the telecast...a lot.
CamSoda is allowing viewers to pair their interactive sex toys (aka ‘teledildonics’) with the audio of the live broadcast of the game on Saturday. Once paired, the sex toy will vibrate every single time Dak yells, “Yeah! Here we go.”
“Fans - both female and male - can now enjoy the Cowboys game this Saturday and won’t have to mute their TVs because of Dak’s cadence,” said Daryn Parker, Vice President of CamSoda. “Their hearts will be racing not only because of the action on the screen - wide receivers going deep, running backs pounding the ball in, and quarterbacks penetrating tight spaces - but also because their sex toy will be rumblin’ and stumblin’ inside of them.”
NFL playoff football has been a breeding ground for sex toys long before Dak Prescott
Good God. What a concept. What a description, too. And, if I'm reading it right, this Dak Prescott gadget is for both girls and guys. So, you know, giddy-up Cowboys!
I will say this -- that cadence is beyond obnoxious. I never noticed it until Dallas played Miami a few weeks ago, but when I did I couldn't stop hearing it. Just brutal. Feel like Peyton's Omaha! was iconic and just sounded right. Same with Brady's Green 18!
But Yeah, here we go! is just beyond dumb. Imagine how annoyed the defenders are by it. I'd be furious.
Anyway, back to the sex toy ...
Decent idea here from the folks over at CamSoda, especially for the fellas who are desperate to get their women involved in the big game. Frankly, if this works, it could save a lot of marriages.
Joe Kinsey said something on Twitter today that also got me thinking ...
Take that, but apply it to the Dak Prescott sex toy idea. How can we expand this NFL sex toy operation for all the games?
Well, make a Tony Romo one for the Bills game and have it go off every time he yells Here we go Jim!!!! or the Collinsworth Here's a guy. Even Troy Aikman's You're absolutely right, Joe could be a setting.
An announcer-specific sex toy could be the next step here. I'm just spit-balling, but I think it could work.
Or, you know, we could just throw some dildos onto the field and call it a day. Either-or.
What a day I had scrolling Peacock
Still remember that like it was yesterday. God I love this time of year.
Before we get to Peacock, let's quickly check in on the Buffalo weather while we're in Orchard Park:
Perfect day for football in Buffalo! If I'm you, I'm getting to the under in Sunday's Bills-Steelers game STAT, because it's only gonna go down.
Personally, I'm probably leaving that one and the Miami game alone. I'll stick with the three dome games this weekend and stay hot, thank you very much.
The Lions-Rams game Sunday is by far my favorite of the bunch, mainly from a player prop POV (hey!).
Feel like a little Kyren Williams-Jahmyr Gibbs anytime TD parlay Sunday night may do the trick. That game's gonna be an absolute shootout, so I'm all over it.
Also don't hate Joe Flacco OVER 1.5 tuddies tomorrow. Seems like a steal to me, but what do I know?
OK, let's now flip on over to Peacock and check out the list of selections we're gonna have on our plate for the next month since the NFL is making us pay to watch Tua play in minus-30 degree weather
(From my story earlier today. Read it here if you want the entire thing):
DeSantis protestor & rattlesnakes in the shower
I mean, I could not be more all in on Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus to help me cope after the Dolphins piss away another winnable game Saturday night. All in.
And how about some Frankenhooker to get us all in the mood for the big Dak Prescott game Sunday? Perfect.
OK, rapid-fire time before we open the mail and get on outta here.
First up? #MyGovernor up in Iowa:
CLIMATE CRIMINAL! Good God, the climate activists are just the worst of the worst. Such weirdos. If it weren't for them, I'd probably recycle. But nope. Never will now. They don't deserve it.
Bet they don't shower, either. Frankly, neither will you after seeing this:
Reader mail and golf influencer Karin Hart takes us home
Zero and I mean zero percent chance I'd stay in that house after that. What an insane move. How do you ever step foot in that bathroom again?
We have snakes all over us here in Florida, and I'll admit, most of them are the black racers, which are as dangerous as a lizard. But I don't care. I despise them. Can't stand them.
Mowing during summers down here is such a battle. I have to hype myself up constantly for it and even then, there are some tense corners you have to blindly turn. Just a no-win spot, but you have to man up at some point in life, right?
On that note -- let's check the mail!
From Montana Chris:
Awesome job on the ducks!
We have tons of mallards up here in Montana but I’m very jealous of those Wood ducks. Beautiful birds!
Hope you don’t get to much shit from the ‘flakes on the duck hunting, love to see that sort of stuff on Outkick.
Sitka gear all the way too!
Cheers!
Thanks, Chris! Didn't get any shit, but wish I had. Would've loved the chance to anger someone over my duck hunting trip to Arkansas last week.
And I agree, we need more outdoors stuff on the site. Good call. I'll work on it.
Sitka is the way to go, but I don't have the pocketbook for too much of it. It's absurdly expensive.
From OK Ryan:
So glad you enjoyed your duck hunting trip! Still waiting for it to get cold enough here in northern OK/southern KS for those dang birds to show their faces long enough to get smoked.
(Nice Sitka gear btw).
Thanks, Ryan! Judging by the latest forecast for tomorrow's Chiefs game, I think it's plenty cold now. Actually, way too cold. Those things ain't coming back out for a while.
Good luck tomorrow night, although I don't think you're gonna need it.
From Mike:
I think your weekend was far superior to the young lady's from Penn State. Camaraderie, challenge, and best of all—duck meat!
Thanks, Mike! Duck meat is pretty damn good, but only if you do it right. You overcook duck -- and it's easy to do -- you may as well call it a day and head down to the McDonalds.
I marinated mine overnight in a little orange juice, soy, worcestershire, minced garlic, hot sauce and olive oil. Grill on high for about three minutes per side. Can't beat it.
Everyone enjoy your Dak Prescott Sundays!
Let's go have a weekend.
OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).
We listening to Dak Prescott and the Cowboys on high volume Sunday or what? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.