Chris Pratt Is Slow, Melania’s AI Audiobook Voice, And Foreigner’s Frontman Retires A Jukebox Hero
It's Saturday, which means it's time to pour some coffee, flop back on the couch, and get up to speed on all the news you need to know from the week that was with the freshest edition of The Punch-Up.
This week delivered. Some do, some don't.
We had Chris Pratt getting outed as a slow golfer, Melania Trump's AI-generated voice is going to narrate her audiobook in any language you want, and the frontman for Rock and Roll Hall of Famers Foreignor performed on national TV and then was like, "I'm out."
So, let's dig right in. How about it?
A writer has been fired after getting caught using AI to write a book recommendation list when it added titles that don’t exist. The fakest title on the list? Anthony Fauci’s memoir.
Columbia University students were seen burning their diplomas as part of ongoing anti-Israel protests. Those burnt sheepskins are now the most valuable degrees Columbia has given out in years.
Indy 500 polesitter Robert Shwartzman said he celebrated putting his car on pole by eating McDonald’s for dinner. His first stroke of bad luck on an otherwise incredible weekend was that the McFlurry machine was broken.
Kelly Hanson, lead singer of the band Foreigner, announced that he is leaving the band. He says he was just getting nervous that having the title "frontman of Foreigner" might get him accidentally deported.
First Lady Melania Trump’s new audiobook will be narrated by an AI version of her voice and translated into different languages. "Dammit, why didn’t we think of that," said Dr. Jill Biden.
The Carolina Hurricanes have lost all 14 Eastern Conference games they’ve appeared in since 2008. "You can’t lose a Conference Final game if you never make it to one," said the Toronto Maple Leafs.
Disgraced Music mogul Diddy could lose his Miami mansion if convicted. It’ll be the first Zillow listing to tout that the home has "ample baby oil storage."
Got all of that?
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