CBS Reporter Melanie Collins Enjoys A Golden Hour, Christen Goff Hits The Beach & Debating Toilet Paper!

First Friday of April. Final weekend of March Madness. Final weekend before The Masters. I found a gas station in town that was less than $4 a gallon. A glitch? A typo? No idea, but I filled up so fast they didn't know what HIT 'em. 

We're rolling right now. Good Friday. Easter Sunday. We're almost back to the moon. I mean, who has it better than us? 

Nobody, of course. Let's roll. 

Welcome to a Friday Nightcaps – the one where CBS reporter Melanie Collins enjoys her NFL offseason golden hour in a pair of camo pants. As one does. 

What else? I've got the best from a LOADED week of #content, Tiger in a towel has created an internet monster, NASA's first black moon pilot is tired of the woke noise (don't blame him), and what's the correct way to put toilet paper on a roll? 

I know the answer, of course, but the First Lady clearly doesn't, and I'm now rethinking a lot of things. I assume you guys will agree with me, but maybe not. We'll see!

Grab you your favorite movie for National Film Score Day, and settle in for a Friday 'Cap!

Remember this?

Obviously, that one is right in my wheelhouse. I love a good film score. 

Now, I don't know that I've watched a new movie in years. It's been at least a decade since I went to an actual movie theater. I was actually thinking just the other day that I'd like to go again just to see what's become of it. 

As for movie scores … everyone is going to have a different list. This is maybe the most subjective Mount Rushmore we've ever done. 

That being said, mine is most likely correct:

1. Star Wars (minus the last three movies, which were disgusting)

2. Indiana Jones (minus the last two movies, which were disgusting)

3. Back to the Future (all movies were great, even the western one)

4. Remember the Titans!

That's right. Remember the Titans. 

The First Lady actually bought a Remember the Titans CD last year because she went through this weird phase where she played everything on this old radio we found at the Goodwill, and I gotta say … it bangs. 

The Remember the Titans theme is incredible. The movie, obviously, is incredible, but the music is unreal. 

What a week of #content!

Chills. Back when Disney actually made good movies. Can you believe that movie is 25 years old? Amazing. Easily the best sports movie out there. No, I ain't making another list today. But just know, that one is No. 1. 

Other great scores include Halloween, Jurassic Park, Pirates of the Caribbean, and Lord of the Rings. I'd say Harry Potter, too, but HBO has now made me hate it, so it misses the cut. Sad. 

Speaking of things the wokes destroy, let's get to the best #content from a big week! 

Artemis II pilot Victor Glover bats leadoff – from the moon!

Timmy's BACK, toilet paper thoughts & Melanie takes us home 

I could teach an entire class on the Tiger memes alone. In fact, I did earlier today! Take a look when you're in a dive bar stall later tonight rethinking your life. 

Until then, a couple thoughts …

1. Pablo Torre and Mina Kimes on PTI has to be – and I'm not kidding – the worst duo ESPN has given us since the all-black Jemele Hill SportsCenter hour. Amazing. 

2. I thought the Royals job at USA Today was for the Kansas City Royals. They got me. Hand up. 

3. I want the WOKES to read this quote after listening to it, just to make sure it really sinks in:

"It’s about human history. It’s the story of humanity. Not black history, not women’s history."

Amen. More of that. Please. We're BEGGING you. 

4. Welcome back to class, Christen Goff. It's been a minute. Happy offseason. 

5. No comment on the male G-spot breakthrough, although I'd steer everyone here to the comments section after class if you want to laugh. 

OK, let's rapid-fire this Friday class into a big Friday night. First up? Speaking of laughing …

Well, if that doesn't give you the piss shivers today, I don't know what will! 

By the way, Tim Walz is the ultimate fade in the gambling world. I'm pretty sure the Twins started 0-4 last season after Tim was at opening day and proclaimed they'd go 162-0. 

Rays moneyline is -110 right now. GO GET IT! Free money!

Next? We ran out of toilet paper yesterday. The First Lady corrected the issue last night, apparently. I walked into THIS earlier today:

Courtesy Zach Dean.

Thoughts? First impressions? 

I was stunned. I'm still stunned. I haven't spoken to her since. We've been married 10 years this June, and I can't recall a time when she ever did this. 

I know the toilet paper debate isn't a new one, but I still need to know … how do y'all put the toilet paper on? For me, it's the complete opposite of what she did. You want to pull it down from the top, so it's coming towards you. That way, you can create a clean, easy break. It also makes it easy to find. 

I was digging for 30 seconds this morning until I finally found the start of it. You can't be doing it blindly. That's what this method creates. A blind pull. 

Anyone who prefers their toilet paper like this is insane. I just can't fathom your reasoning for it, but if you have one, feel free to shoot it my way this weekend. You will be wrong, but at least you'll go down a fighter. 

OK, that's it for today – and this week! Good class. Good week. And, of course, Good Friday. Have a good Easter weekend. Same time, same place on Monday. 

Take us home, Melanie!

'OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Is that toilet paper positioning acceptable? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.