Brooke Burke's Christmas Workout Will Get The Blood Pumpin', Sad Steelers Fans Feeling It Slip Away & A Bighorn Sheep Gets Stuck
Office Parties Gone Wild: The drunken debauchery Screencaps readers have seen at company bashes over the years
It's story time on a Friday morning. I know you're trying to finish up the end-of-year work before taking the next three weeks off. Take 15 minutes and enjoy these tales of past parties.
• Mig writes:
Summary. two guys steal pint cups and a mirror from the hotel bar and get fired. It's all the other stuff that makes the story funny.
This was late 90's. Worked for a retailer and they every year our department would meet in December, bring in all the field Loss Prevention folks and we would have a couple days of meetings, talk about LP stuff, give out awards, and bitch about the company. Probably 50 people. The first night of these meetings everyone arrives and people congregate at the bar as early as 2-3 PM depending on flights. Time to catch up with people from other markets, have some cocktails, plan that night's dinner, and decide which room we would be playing poker in later.
Its after dinner and we set up to play poker. Usually 6-8 guys playing and 4-6 in the room drinking and BS'ing. This night our makeshift poker table included 2 sofa tables we procured from beside the elevators on 2 different floors, flipping 2 queen beds up on their sides and other people bringing their desk chairs from their rooms. There was porn shop across the street from the hotel and one of the guys bought a few titles on VHS. We were all LP people in the 90's, everyone had VCRs in the trunks of their cars. We had the tapes playing at a high volume, laughing and drinking, when the cops knocked on the door. They want to know if anyone in the room stole a very large Guinness Beer mirror off the wall in the bar earlier that day.
Turns out two of the guys who came in earlier and were at the bar decided to make off with 6 Guinness pint glasses and a large Guinness bar mirror off the wall of the bar and the hotel was taking issue with it. Back in the 90's LP departments were full of ex-cops and military. The VP of our department was a purple heart Vietnam Vet, a retired sergeant from the local police department, knew the two officers who had showed up earlier, and a noted hard ass. He came to the poker room ripping ass, and did not believe anyone in the room when we swore none of us did it. At least the tapes were off before he got there. Before the end of the evening everyone knew who the culprits were but no one knew the resolution.
It was a very quiet and tense meeting room the next morning. Before the meeting started the director stuck his head in the door and called the two individuals to come outside. They never came back in. We proceeded to get a twenty-minute group ass-chewing about honesty, integrity and other issues they felt we should be concerned about in a LP role. After the sermon, another guy was called out of the meeting and told to get his luggage and check out. He lived the closest to the other 2 guys and he had to drive them home. I bet that was fun.
Ah, the good old days.
Merry Christmas ya filthy animals, and a Happy New Year.
Kinsey:
I promised this guy I wouldn't give up his name and I'm a man of my word.
• 100% Anonymous writes:
Not a Christmas party but a company awards party that celebrated tenure. Keep in mind this was 20 years ago. The company would fly the employee and a guest to a beachfront hotel. Friday night was the dinner and complimentary jets ski rentals, etc thru the weekend. The Friday night dinner included open bar which was supposed to close at 10pm. A certain VP would always keep it open until midnight. Around 11pm, that VP (hammered)approached me concerned about an employee from Las Vegas who brought a hooker as his guest. The employee was upset because the hooker went to the dinner and left the hotel afterwards. He said he was going jump off the balcony.
I was a manager but did not have that market so did not know the employee. Can’t say no to the VP so I went up to the room and knocked on the door.
After a couple of knocks, he answered. He had sobered up a little and was ok. Realized bringing a hooker on a free trip is not a guarantee for sex. A little anticlimactic end, but I just think about a VP delegating a potential serious situation to someone who is less drunk.
• Jim T. in Sandy Eggo says:
I worked at a small daily newspaper in Southern California in the 1990s where every staff Christmas party ended at least one marriage. LOTS of drinking at these parties led to some horrible decisions: One year, the wife of a pressman went to use the bathroom and upon opening the door found her husband engaged in extracurriculars with a co-worker. I don’t think anyone ever got fired at one of those parties, but a lot of alimony payments had their starts there.
BTW, loved Tim in Texas City’s old man’s observation about Texas ruining conferences – Millennial Jeff is undoubtedly hoping he’s right!
• Jon U from Dahlonega shares this story from years ago:
Back 20-some years ago, I worked for a small start-up that had probably 50-60 employees. Our Christmas party was held at the very nice house of our CEO who had been a partner with a Big 4 tax/consulting firm. Our chief sales officer showed up at the party with not one, but two women who were clearly strippers or more. Short skirts, revealing tops, high heels, etc. It was a bold move and one that had everyone talking at the party and beyond.
However, he was NOT fired for this and continued to be a very successful sales guy.
Readers are absolutely LIVID at Bruce K. who took a shot at Trump with his first email
Here's the email that is causing chaos:
Kinsey:
I checked the email archive. That's Bruce's first email unless he'd been sending emails under a different alias. Look, if Bruce wants to put himself out there as a target of this group, then I welcome it.
• Tim in Texas City, Texas writes:
1. Sounds like somebody is only allowed a single 32" television in his house. Sad.
2. Can we all start a GoFundMe to help get Bruce laid because damn...
• Kevin in Toboso, OH wants in on this action:
Bruce really dropped the f-trump and your TV's are too high take?
He must be a Ev, battery lawnmower bud light drinking, Biden/Harris acolyte.
Who cares if dudes are sharing their TVs and that they are up high. All those pics have given me a couple good ideas.
And why do you want to f-Trump. I am sure he prefers his good-looking wife.
So Bruce plug your EV in for 8 hours, drink your bud light, peruse the NYT and continue watching your favorite Disney movies.
• Jon M. in Indy has a message for Bruce:
F--K BRUCE K- little bitch!
Kinsey:
I had to edit Jon's message because Google will knick OutKick and at the end of the day, I like to get a paycheck. Now, I'm letting the screenshot above play because Google's bots aren't smart enough to read that copy -- yet.
Millennial Jeff in Minnesota IS BACK & he's coming after everyone including Exotic Wood Mike, plus he reiterates Michigan will beat Bama 'with ease'
I'll give Jeff credit, he's going to piss off numerous people with this email and I'm here for it. He's pretty much the Degeneration X of Screencaps and readers will have no choice but to respond. It's good for business.
No, Jeff isn't a plant. He's written dozens of times from Minnesota. He's the real deal.
• MJiM writes:
Below are screenshots of the FCS, D2, and D3 national champions in football for the last 10-20 or so years. Notice a large absence of schools from the southeast. I will admit that the SEC has dominated the CFP and the BCS, but that is with the benefit of the corruption and hype that we are analyzing.
Scroll quickly if you don’t mind taking my word for it. I will highlight last year. South Dakota State beat North Dakota State in the FCS title game Ferris State out of Michigan won the D2 national championship. Central Ill won the D3 title. In fact, NDSU has won 9 of 11 FCS national championships by only recruiting: MN, the Dakotas, Chicago, and Houston. Newsflash, football is played all over the country.
The south does not have a monopoly on it. The highest-rated TV rating for a FBS national championship was OSU verse Oregon. UGA vs Alabama, the year UCF won the natty, had terrible TV ratings.
Now in my response to Exotic Wood Mike in California. How in the world is the hype-monster of the SEC good for college football?
Here is the model of the SEC: play schools like Samford and North Georgia Military College in the non-conference, play fewer conference games, throw in a cupcake before any challenging conference game (there aren’t that man anyways), and then rely on ESPN hype and the committee to cherry pick the bowl matchups, BCS, and CFP selections.
How is the absence of any good non-conference games good for college football? See above. If the SEC is really the best, they do not need hype. Again, I have admitted that many times they have been the best. I loved a lot of those great SEC teams. Like Alabama when crushing Notre Dame late in the BCS. Or the LSU vs Alabama BCS game in the day, but that’s when the SEC had the best teams. It is cyclical. The best conference generally varies.
As I admit, the SEC has dominated recently, but I do not believe that the SEC is the best this year. This would have been the best year for the Commitee to be objective and not choose the SEC in the CFP.
This debate is a bit pedantic because the games will occur and prove me right or wrong.
Yes. I believe Michigan beats Bama. That is based upon seeing Michigan in person and seeing Alabama play on TV. I could be wrong, but that is my prediction. I do not get my talking points from ESPN! I played college football for 3 hall of fame coaches. My father and my Granddad on my Mom's side played college football. I stand on my prediction.
If I am wrong. I am prepared to eat crow.
Michigan’s zone blocking scheme will succeed against Alabama’s read defense.
I played that defense in my third college. It is a poor strategy, it only works with superior athletes.
Michigan passes the eye test.
Jalen Milroe is no stud. He’s like a bigger and faster JT Barret. He definitely won’t play QB in the NFL.
FSU has an elite D line. Georgia could not block Alabama’s impressive, but less impressive D-line. FSU beats Georgia in my opinion for that and other reasons.
To some guy defending Auburn for the “bad beats.” Why even bother with games then? I guess a loss doesn’t matter as long as you have the right name or conference on your jersey. What makes the college football regular special is that every game matters.
I have another prediction. Alabama will benefit from at least 3 horrible calls that will make a difference. Likely a terrible targeting call in the second half so that a strong Michigan defender will miss part of the National Championship. Remember the Bowers play where he flew out of bounds on fourth down last year? Or the Michigan TD overturned against TCU? Or the fumble recovery returned for a touchdown when Herbstreit announced that it was an incomplete pass (OSU vs Clemson)? Despite all of that, I think Michigan will overcome it all and win with ease.
Again, I reiterate that the bowls need to pay players so that players do not sit out!
Minnesotans respond to MJiM
• Reed in Minnetonka, MN says:
Sending more Minnesota good vibes to off-set Millennial Jeff…
Backyard sunrise this morning from western suburbs of Minneapolis. Put a checkmark in the sunrise column for me – great way to start the day!
A Screencaps source in Washington D.C. spotted this gem
This guy clearly isn't wasting his time betting on sports via his phone and jerking around on his PS5. Congrats on the sex, sir.
First-time emailer!!!!!
• Matt D. in Mercer County, OH writes:
Long-time reader, first-time sender. I had to add to the sunrise/sunset pics.
Wife and I enjoyed these 2 sunsets Thanksgiving weekend at St. Pete Beach Florida.
Kinsey:
Winter Golf
• Bruce B. (Not the F-Trump Bruce) in Decatur, IL writes:
I have a crew here in central Illinois that has as a goal every year to play golf locally in every month of the year. We have managed to put together a 3-year streak (Covid lockdowns killed 2020). Usually try to pick a day with temps at least 50 degrees and low winds. If you have the right gear, it is not a bad round.
The included photo is a shot of the #12 green at Eagle Creek Golf Course in Findlay, IL on Feb. 1, 2022. Beautiful Lake Shelbyville is frozen over with random snow drifts- it is 51 degrees with NO WIND. Had to dodge a few snow-covered spots but it was a great day for golf. That night a blizzard rolled in and 14 inches of snow got deposited, along with the requisite Midwest wind to blow it around for 3 days.
You can play golf all year round if you pick your spots and are flexible with your schedule. It’s a pretty cool and satisfying little challenge we have.
Kinsey:
Thanks to global warming, I'm playing tons of golf in December, Bruce. I'm playing tomorrow morning. Will it be windy? Yes, they're calling for 35-40 gusts out of the SW, but it will push the temps to 61 which will be an all-time record.
Can't wait.
Fall and winter golf here in NW Ohio is actually becoming quite nice. Get out with the boys in December. Crush some bombs 220 off the tee. Let the fresh air hit you in the face. Maybe crush a couple of pops.
December golf is now our way of getting together for the holidays.
TV Walls are making marriages stronger by the day
• Dillon from way up in Crosby, North Dakota, where it hit 55 on Wednesday, checks in:
Hey Joe, thought I'd chime in on the multiple tv discussion since my wife and I just were discussing this yesterday. We just bought a new house and the previous owners left a couple tvs behind. Being the sports fan I am, I saw this as an opportunity to have my dream fulfilled of watching multiple games at the same time in my own house.... That being said, they are not mounted and the wife recommends they get taken down. (I feel like Dwight after he has to take down mega-desk.) I already forwarded today's caps to her so she can see I am not the only one to have this idea and hopefully she sees that marriages only get stronger with multiple tvs! I feel like most of the caps community would agree with me that multiple tvs is a top notch compromise to be able to watch not only multiple sporting events but also see her shows while we get sports.
Since we are on the topic of living rooms/man caves, etc. Need some advice on putting in a dry bar vs wet bar. Expenses, upkeep, etc. There previously was a wet bar but it is no longer there and I would like to put something back in but on a budget and ridiculously unskilled with my hands.
Kinsey:
Plumbers: What's one thing Dillon should be thinking about here? Let's say he subcontracts out one thing, what the play? We probably need a photo of the area he's working with. Dillon! Send in a pic of the space.
• Jamison in Texas writes:
I moved from PA to Texas a few years ago, Really missed my basement setup. No basements in Texas. Talked my wife into letting me wall off half the garage.
Kinsey:
And what does the wife think?
• Jamison:
She’s really cool about it, she says I work hard and deserve a place, Plus this way she doesn’t have to watch me flip channels from game to game during commercials.
Kinsey:
There we go. Another happy marriage.
Guys, take the stories shared this week and go strengthen your marriage. Now is your time.
Guys, I have to run. Mrs. Screencaps needs to leave the house this morning and I'm on school duty. Then I have to return home to get ready for my 10:30 EST hit with Dan Dakich. Check your local OutKick listings.
Have a great day and weekend. Be careful at those company Christmas parties and remember to write in with the details.
Email: joekinsey@gmail.com