Aussie Olympic Reporter Grabs America's Attention With Her Drunken News Hit, ESPN's Strikeout & What A RANT!

Over the hump and safely onto the other side. Whew! That was a close one. Didn't know if we'd make it. And by ‘we,’ I mean the Team USA fellas. 

That one had me sweating yesterday, and I had to watch it all unfold on a tiny TV in the corner of the Sonny's because they claimed they couldn't put it on the TV directly in front of our table. I had to squint, but that looked like a sick goal to win it. 

My poor grandparents will never get to see it. They probably still think Sweden won. No SHOT they could see that far. 

Anyway, welcome to a Thursday Nightcaps – the one where Australian reporter Danika Mason wins over Americans with her drunken Olympic news hit. Live, by the way. The best. Love this girl. 

What else? I've got some thoughts on ESPN's Sunday Night Baseball replacement, new bodycam footage from down here in big, beautiful Florida, and I was so unbelievably bored last night that I watched a Red Sox-Marlins game on YouTube from 2003 … start to FINISH. 

Frankly, that sort of leads me into the ESPN bashing I'm about to do, so let's get to it. 

Grab you some mint chocolate chip ice cream for National Mint Chocolate Day, and settle in for a Thursday 'Cap!

ESPN's new ‘Sunday Night Baseball' leaves ducks on the pond

First off … that's a good headline. Clever! Blind dog finds a bone …

Secondly … we went over mint chocolate chip ice cream last week, and I declared it the best ice cream on the planet. Certainly the most underrated. Same with those tiny little candies they give you at Olive Garden to really make you feel awful as you're walking out. The best. 

Thirdly … back to ESPN:

Sunday Night Baseball is OUT, and "Women's Sports Sundays" are IN. Thoughts?

Obviously, we've known that SNB was out at ESPN for a year now, given the two announced they were in the process of parting ways around this time last year. Moving forward, it'll be on NBC and Peacock. It'll probably be much better over there, so it's a good thing for MLB. 

As for ESPN … replacing it with the WNBA was an easy call. You may not love it, but this is a ratings game, and I'm not sure anything in the summer is going to beat a Caitlin Clark game on ESPN. That's not me talking, that's Mr. Nielson. 

I certainly don't understand the NWSL angle to this. That's silly. Nobody will watch that. What are we doing here? The sports-viewing options in July ain't exactly great. Not really sure what else ESPN would show, so I get that part of it. 

Here's where I have an issue …

Will college baseball EVER get any play?

My point – and I wrote about it earlier today if y'all really wanna get in the weeds – is that ESPN's remaining baseball "coverage" STINKS. It's putrid. Awful. Embarrassing. Pathetic. Take your pick. 

Why not invest in college baseball during the spring to fill the Sunday night void? Like I said, I was BEGGING to watch anything other than college basketball last night. Anything. I went through every single possible channel. No college baseball, unless you want to subscribe to ESPN+. Nobody is doing that. 

Introducing a Sunday Night College Baseball from April through the College World Series in mid-June seems like a no-brainer to me. I assume ESPN will fill that void, instead, with its NHL package. That's fine, I guess. 

However, last year's Stanley Cup Finals averaged 2.5 million viewers. Do you know what a two-game sweep in the CWS averaged last summer on ESPN?

2.5 million. And that's WITH Game 1 being interrupted by Trump bombing Iran. Thankfully, I hear our relationship with them is rock-solid now, so there shouldn't be any further problems this year!

Anyway, that's my Ted Talk for today. I just think we're leaving some meat on the bone here, from a guy who watched a 23-year-old baseball game on YouTube last night. 

Here's Jon Miller and Joe Morgan to end this lecture:

Bad Bunny, Good bodycam & Australian Danika!

Those were the days. We had it all, and we pissed it away. The absolute peak of my childhood. I think the thing I'll miss most is the theme song. Sad. 

OK, let's rapid-fire this big Thursday class into a big Thursday night. First up? How do you reckon Paramount's feeling about its Sean Strickland investment today?

Goodness gracious. What a rant. And trust me, this was small potatoes compared to the other topics Sean weighed in on last night. 

Safe to say he will NOT be watching ESPN's Sunday Night WNBA this summer. Look it up for those interested. I ain't touching that one. 

Next? Let's check in on how Florida handles lunatic lefty protestors on the way out!

Nothing annoys me more than these stupid Saturday morning protests. They are SO stupid. 

It's just a bunch of smelly old people who used to be hippies back in the 70s, and haven't showered in weeks. They're all gross. Trust me, I see them all the time. Yes, we even have them in my Trump +93 percent (!!!) town. 

And it's the SAME folks every, single time. 

Old. White. In their 70s. Stinky. Don't brush their teeth. And there's, like, 20 of them. It's so cute. They have silly signs that call Trump a fascist and have the Nazi symbol over Elon's face. Some call Trump a king, which is funny given they wouldn't be allowed to protest under a dictatorship. 

Sometimes, when I'm feeling especially annoyed, I like to roll down my window so they can see my Gulf of America hat, should I be wearing it that morning. That's always fun. They expect me to salute them, and then BAM – immediate disgust. The best. 

OK, that's it for today. Good class. Sorry for the long lecture. Red Sox won, 25-8, for those wondering. 

Take us home, Danika!

OutKick Nightcaps is a daily column set to run Monday through Friday at 4 p.m. (roughly, we’re not robots).

Thoughts on ESPN? Email me at Zach.Dean@OutKick.com.