ARod’s Shredded Canadian Girlfriend Jac Cordeiro Will Kick Your Ass In The Gym For $450

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Are you a fatty living in Windsor, Canada looking to lose a few pounds this winter? You’re in luck because Alex Rodriguez’s JACKED girlfriend, Jac Cordeiro, is on the hunt for beer bellies looking to get shredded for pool season.

For $450, Jac will put your fat ass through a “Fit Body Boot Camp” at the Riverside Family Fitness center that will consist of 16 classes spread out over eight weeks — school starts at 6 a.m. because this is BOOT CAMP — where clients will be coached on how to get their disgusting lives in order.

Are you in Detroit? I don’t know if you can talk the Canadian border patrol into allowing you into Canada to get a pump in, but it’s worth it because this is Jac Cordeiro we’re talking about. She’ll be ARod’s girlfriend through the summer — remember, he has a history of taking new women on his birthday yacht vacations — and then he’ll start shopping for new fit AF Instagram workout chicks to date.

Guys, I need you to stop and think about how big of a brag this would be on your text groups. There are your boys spending January on their basement treadmills all bored and watching sports highlights on TSN at 6 a.m.

Meanwhile, you’re at Riverside Family Fitness and ARod’s nurse girlfriend is screaming in your face, calling you a “maggot” while you’re ripping off 175s on the bench press.

$450 is a steal here, fellas.

“Hey Mitch, it looks like you’ve been working out. Who’s your trainer?”

“Oh, ARod’s girlfriend, Jac Cordeiro. Perhaps you’ve seen her splashed across the Internet tabloids around the world.”

“Noooooooo way, you’re joking, eh.”

“I’m serious, Keith. She’s been kicking my ass and sending Snapchats to ARod showing him how I can barely curl 25s.”

“Hahahahahaha.”

“LOLOLOLOL.”

One thing leads to another, you’ve lost 200 pounds over eight weeks, you develop 24-inch pythons and ARod decides to hire you as muscle when the couple is on the road.

Think about it, guys.

Jac needs 15 people ready to get their asses in gear. If not today, when?

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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