'May I Meet You?': Bill Ackman's Dating Advice Has The Internet Rolling

I bet you didn't think you'd wake up today and find a new Womansplaining.

What a surprise! What a treat!

I know. I've really been slacking on these columns, and it's been a few months since I've blessed you with a peek inside the female mind. 

And, listen, it's not for lack of content. I see terrible dating advice and relationship takes posted every single day on the website formerly known as Twitter. Most of it just makes me roll my eyes and keep scrolling — determined not to fall prey to the rage bait.

But it's not very often I see dating advice that makes me laugh out loud at the absurdity. Today is one of those rare days.

Enter Bill Ackman, billionaire hedge fund manager who probably has never, ever had a normal dating life. And if he did, it was back before the Berlin Wall came down.

Bill Ackman is here to enlighten the youths.

(Photo by Sylvain Gaboury/Patrick McMullan via Getty Images)

Ackman logged on to X dot com Saturday to offer young men a little guidance on how to approach women in public. And we're using the term "guidance" loosely.

Here’s what he posted:

I hear from many young men that they find it difficult to meet young women in a public setting. In other words, the online culture has destroyed the ability to spontaneously meet strangers. As such, I thought I would share a few words that I used in my youth to meet someone that I found compelling.

I would ask: ‘May I meet you?’ before engaging further in a conversation. I almost never got a No.

It inevitably enabled the opportunity for a further conversation. I met a lot of really interesting people this way.

I think the combination of proper grammar and politeness was the key to its effectiveness. You might give it a try.

And yes, I think it should also work for women seeking men as well as same sex interactions.

Just two cents from an older happily married guy concerned about our next generation’s happiness and population replacement rates.

Y'all… "May I meet you?"

No, you may not.

That's how a foreign scammer bot slides into my DMs offering to pay me money because I'm pretty. It's what an alien would say as it tries to assimilate into society during its first day on earth. It's what an old-timey Victorian butler would say if he caught you wandering the manor grounds without an invitation. (Or so I imagine.)

My point is that there's not a single woman on earth who hears, "May I meet you?" from a random stranger and thinks, "Wow, my loins are awakened." Instead, she's probably covering her drink and taking a pretend phone call to get away from you. 

Oh wait, Ackman has added some clarification to his original post! Let's check it out.

"I failed to mention that this works much more effectively when you are moving," he wrote. "So on subways, elevators, escalators, airplanes, buses, and even walking down the street, it is most effective."

OK, that makes way more sense. Thanks for clearing that one up, Bill.

Now we know this is a line used best when some poor woman is crammed into your armpit on a crowded subway or when you're blocking the beverage cart chatting up the chick in 12C.

Guaranteed slam dunk, fellas.

The good news, though, is that Ackman's terrible unsolicited advice has opened the door to some of the best memes we've seen all year.

Or how about this guy, who actually put Ackman's strategy to the test?

You weren't moving enough, Nick. Everyone knows you can't properly court a woman unless you're taking some mode of public transportation.

There it is. Not a dry panty on that subway.

OK, OK… I retreat. Listen, I think Bill's advice comes from a good place. He probably truly believes it in his heart. I just don't think he realizes that "May I meet you? I'm a billionaire" probably has a much higher success rate than "May I meet you? I am barely above water, and my socks don't match."

There's a communication gap between tax brackets, that's all.

But — and it pains me to admit this — Bill Ackman is not entirely wrong. Not about the line. The line is terrible. But he's right about the fact that young men genuinely don't know how to talk to women anymore.

Let's discuss.

Bill Ackman Accidentally Makes A Point… Sort Of

For as much as I'd love to keep dunking on Ackman, he accidentally stumbled into a very real problem: a lot of young men truly have no idea how to approach women in the wild.

And honestly, it's not all that surprising.

We've created an entire generation that communicates through screens, reacts with emojis and flirts by sending disappearing dick pics on Snapchat. Most Gen Z men (and women) are chronically online. Everyone is so used to interacting with avatars and usernames that the concept of walking up to a real woman in a real place with real eye contact feels like a ritual of the ancient ancestors.

Then you add in the comfort of social isolation — video games, streaming, TikTok doom-scrolling — and the endless availability of porn, which perpetuates a highly distorted perception of intimacy, glorifies incest and violence against women, and scientifically rewires men's brains to a more juvenile state. 

And then we wonder why young guys freeze up when a pretty girl says "hi" at a coffee shop. Or why red-pill man-fluencers are so chronically angry at women online.

The extent of some men's interactions with women.

(Getty Images)

God, do I sound like an old woman yelling at clouds yet? If not, just wait. There's more.

Because then came online dating. And that didn't help anyone's social skills, either.

Now, I'm no hater of dating apps. Not at all. I met my husband on Hinge, and he's the best thing that ever happened to me. 

But they certainly changed the way men and women communicate. Instead of naturally bumping into a potential companion on a train or elevator (shoutout to Bill Ackman), we're able to present a highly curated and often dishonest version of ourselves to the masses with no real fear of rejection. Someone swiping left on you is way easier to stomach than a woman telling you to "get lost" after you buy her a drink in a bar.

RELATED: Everything I Learned From A Pickup Artist — And Why It's Terrible Advice

And I get it, guys. When it comes to the meeting and getting-to-know-you phase, the pressure is certainly on men way more than women. You don't want to come across as creepy or weird, and you definitely don't want to get roasted in her group chat.

The fear of rejection is very real, and it's valid.

But you know what? We all get rejected at some point in our lives. I can't count the number of job applications I've catapulted into the abyss. And I still remember being an awkward nerdy teenager building up the nerve to tell my high school crush that I liked him. He told me he didn't have time for a girlfriend because of his busy hockey schedule… and then I saw him holding hands with his new girlfriend in the hallway two weeks later. 

Rough one.

Joke's on him, though. I got hot, and he got fat. He did become a doctor, though, so I guess he's doing fine.

I digress. The point is, I survived the rejection! And you will, too. Plus, I promise you'll get rejected a whole lot less if you listen to me and not to Bill Ackman.

Introductions That Actually Work

Notice I said introductions, and not pickup lines. If you insist on dropping a "Did it hurt when you fell from heaven?" at your next social gathering, this is where we part ways. Godspeed.

Instead, here are some things you can say if you want to approach women like a normal, natural human:

"Hey, love the Dawgs hat — you from Georgia?"

Sports apparel is basically a cheat code and an easy invite to start chatting. But this is just an example. Any opening you see to establish common ground, do it.

"Sorry to interrupt, but your jacket is awesome."

One of my best friends, Ricky, loves this line. He uses it on everyone — men, women, doesn't matter — just to start conversations with strangers when we're out. It works every time. People love compliments, and this one is so non-threatening.

Obviously, she actually has to be wearing a jacket for this to make sense. Otherwise, go with shirt, shoes, whatever. Just make sure it's something she's wearing and not her actual body parts. "Your thighs are awesome" won't elicit the same reaction.

"Your dog is adorable. What's his name?"

Everyone loves talking about their pets. EVERYONE. 

Better yet, take your own dog for a walk near a popular brunch spot or one of those "Yoga in the Park" events and watch the ladies flock to you.

Furry chick magnets.

"Hey, do you mind if I ask your opinion on something?"

This probably works best in a social scene, where you can pretend you and your buddies were having a debate about the most overrated TV show or something innocuous like that. Or you could ask her for the best restaurants in the area. Just normal people conversation, you know?

And, finally, the tried-and-true grandaddy of all intros…

"Hi."

Seriously, let's not over-complicate this. I promise a simple "Hi, how are you?" is much more effective, in most cases, than a corny pick-up line or literally anything Bill Ackman suggests.

Women don't need you to be a billionaire. They don't need you to be Rico Suave. And they definitely don't need you to deliver a greeting that sounds like it was written on parchment with a quill.

Just be normal, kind and confident.

On second thought, though, now that the entire internet is in on the joke, "May I meet you?" might actually work. At least it'll make her laugh.

So forget everything I just said, I guess.

Womansplaining is a weekly column about dating, marriage, sex and relationships.

Email your thoughts, questions, stories and gripes to Amber.Harding@OutKick.com or tweet her @TheAmberHarding.