I’ve Cracked The Code On Mattress Shopping & Readers Weigh In On The Great Laundry Debate

When's the last time you went mattress shopping?

Goodness gracious, it is complicated these days. I'm old enough to remember when all you needed was the Goldilocks method. This one's too hard, this one's too soft, this one's just right… I'll take it. (Granted, I'm also old enough to remember when people slept on waterbeds, so maybe progress isn't such a bad thing.)

My husband Mike and I set out on Black Friday to find a new mattress. To this point, we had been sleeping on a cheap, king-sized mattress that he bought seven years ago — before we started dating. It was stiff and basic and felt like I should be getting complementary Otis Spunkmeyer muffins in the lobby each morning. 

(Getty Images)

But because I'm the sort of person who has no trouble falling asleep at the end of the day, I've never made a fuss about it. Mike, on the other hand, can't sleep for sh*t. And lately, his arms have been going numb in the middle of the night. A common problem for side sleepers.

Last month, he saw an ad for a mattress that promised to cure what ails him. This mattress is designed with a hole cut into it, which allows you to slide your arm down into the mattress while you lie on your side. He found a local store that carried said miracle bed, and away we went.

Mattresses are really doing the most these days. I just want a comfy bed. I don't care about advanced cooling technologies or copper infusion, and I definitely don't need my mattress to connect to Wi-Fi. And why does no one talk about how awkward it is to lie down — fully clothed, under blinding fluorescent lights — while mattress salesman Donny stands three feet away, watching and waiting to pounce?

I digress. The good news is Mike loved the side-sleeper mattress with the hole in it. The bad news is I hated it. Which creates a bit of a conundrum for two people who would prefer to sleep in the same bed.

(Getty Images)

Look, I know there are plenty of married couples out there who sleep in separate beds, in separate bedrooms. But I refuse to be one of them. No shade if the whole "sleep divorce" thing works for you. I simply prefer to fall asleep and wake up every day next to my favorite human being on the planet.

Precious, I know.

RELATED: Cameron Diaz Is All For 'Sleep Divorce' And More Than One-Third Of Americans Agree

Well, readers, here's a fun fact for you: one king-sized mattress is equal to two twin XL-sized mattresses.

This might be common knowledge. In fact, it probably is. But it never even occurred to me until Mike and I were in a full-on standoff in the middle of Premier Mattress Direct, and he said, "What if we just get both?"

A novel idea.

And let me tell you, it's a game changer. We've had our brand spankin' new mattresses for a couple of weeks now, and I've never slept better in my whole life. I didn't fully realize how dreadful our old mattress was until we upgraded.

And the best part? When my husband is restless in the middle of the night or has to get up and go to the bathroom, I don't feel a thing. He's in his own bed, I'm in my own cozy little bed — all while we're in the same bed! You just have to be careful not to fall into the crevice during recreational activities, you feel me?

I know I'm getting way too amped up about a very simple concept. But, friends, I'm telling you. I have cracked the code.

This isn't exactly a ground-breaking scientific discovery, of course. Those of you who have those fancy-schmancy split-king Tempur-Pedics are probably laughing at how ridiculous I sound right now. And if you sleep Scandinavian (same bed but with separate blankets), I guess it's sort of like that.

But for those of you who are losing sleep and struggling to find a compromise in your marital sleeping arrangement, maybe this will help.

I take back what I said about that newfangled sleeping technology, though. Salesman Donny threw in a free copper-infused pillow for me, and that thing has changed my life.

Let's open the mailbag.

The Great Laundry Debate… Which Is Not Much Of A Debate

Last week I revealed something wild about my marriage: my husband and I each do our own laundry.

READ: Man Throws Viral Tantrum Over Laundry — Plus Your Annual Stocking Reminder

OK, it's not that wild. But sometimes when I tell people that we have our own hampers and do our own laundry, they look at me like I have three heads. One person even told me I was "weird as f*ck" for that.

After reading through reader emails this week, though, I'm feeling pretty vindicated.

Let's take a peek at what y'all had to say about it:

Savannah Bob Writes: No, you are not weird as f*ck. My wife and I have maintained separate laundry operations for over 30 years. Occasionally, one of us will provide a washer-to-dryer assist, but for the most part, laundry is a strict fend-for-yourself policy. Everything else in the house, we split pretty evenly — me running the kitchen and her keeping the place from being condemned.

Amber:

Sounds like my house! Mike does nearly all the cooking for us, and I handle most of the cleaning. We split dog duties (brushing, teeth cleaning, walking, poop scooping, etc.) So far, our system works beautifully. And apparently it's worked for Savannah Bob for 30+ years, so I'm feeling pretty good about it.

Ken S. Writes: Regarding the laundry, my wife and I have been married longer than you would believe, and we’ve each been doing our own laundry for over three decades now, and are both very happy with the arrangement.  When we were first married she did most of the laundry, but I prefer it this way. I highly recommend it.

Herb M. Writes: Since moving in several years ago with my current wife, we have been doing our laundry separately. In my mind this is the only way to handle this chore, as I'm sure one of the few times I would have to run the washer or dryer, I would forget to use the right temperature or other settings and this would cause us some grief. I also don't understand what my ex-wife was complaining about. Doing laundry is simple: you turn it on and come back in 30 mins and flip the clothes into the dryer. Viola!

Amber:

Not to dunk on your ex-wife, Herb, but I've always thought the same thing. Of all the household chores, laundry — in my humble opinion — is the easiest. Granted, I only do it for myself. If I had a house full of kids, I'd probably sing a different tune. My mom used to complain that it was impossible to keep track of everyone's socks.

Paul in Albuquerque Writes: I've been married 25+ years and we each do our own laundry. It always just made sense to us. We also have 2 checking accounts which some people find odd. Same bank, both names on both, just easier for household accounting since we both get paid from different companies & we each pay different expenses.

Amber:

Paul, I'm glad you brought this up.

My husband and I, too, have separate checking accounts. Not for any reason except that, so far, we haven't really felt a need to open a joint account.

But some people get really triggered about that. This tweet, for example, has hundreds of people fighting in the comments:

I agree it's weird for couples to Venmo each other for petty things like a cup of coffee. But otherwise, who cares?

My take: money is a personal thing, and what works for one couple may not work with another. Lots of factors play into this, like whether both people are employed, how much income they're bringing in, if they have kids or other dependents, what their expenses look like, and the list goes on and on. But as long as there's trust there and married couples are transparent with each other about their finances, I see nothing wrong with separate accounts.

Anyone have strong feelings about this and want to share? Email me at Amber.Harding@outkick.com. My inbox is like Planet Fitness: a judgment-free zone.

Anthony C. Writes: I read your article and have to agree. For the most part, my wife and I wash our own clothes. I accidentally washed her leggings and got them full of lint because who knew that you don't wash black leggings with white towels?? (obviously me) So that was one and done! As for that guy throwing a tantrum, that's an act. No one acts like that honestly. If he does, he has problems.

John M. Writes: The laundry stomper guy might have a mental illness! Definitely not normal behavior.

We're a separation of duties household, I shop and cook, and my wife does laundry and floors. Works for us. But I completely support the "do your own laundry" idea for those who struggle in this area or, probably like you, those for whom it simply makes sense.

Kevin W. Writes: Separate bins, yeah, that's odd. Doing your own laundry, not unusual. The only difference is we just do the laundry when it needs to be done, no matter what is in there. Bin full? you have time? Just put in a load and own it. Works out just fine.

Carrie M. Writes: Just read your piece on laundry. My now husband and I have lived together nearly 15 years. We have separate clothes baskets, and we wash, fold, and put away our own laundry. We both have full-time jobs and I'm not going to spend my days off not only doing my laundry but also doing his. This was never even a discussion, it occurred naturally when we moved in together. 

I firmly believe some things in relationships are meant to be separate. In addition to laundry, we also keep our money separate and have separate bathrooms: a magic formula for a happy and fulfilling relationship.

The guy in this video needs to be bitch slapped. 

(Getty Images)

Tod D. Writes: My wife and I (16 years together) keep our laundry separate. Many reasons:

- Some of her stuff has special care needs, and I can't take responsibility for keeping all that straight.

- She doesn't separate her whites from everything else. If one of my white tee shirts so much as looks at a piece of clothing with color, it becomes dingy and off-white.

We have different wash schedules. I have over two weeks' worth of tee shirts and underwear and launder those as needed, whereas she likes to do laundry every week regardless (yes, I have a big hamper).

Now, she handles all the shared laundry (towels, bed clothes, et al.), and we're happy as can be. For the record, we also sleep Scandinavian. It's because she's a cover thief...

Amber:

Ah, you sleep Scandinavian, huh? You're halfway there. Now you just need to go ahead and get the separate twin mattresses, too. Just trust me on this one.

Womansplaining is a column about dating, marriage, sex and relationships.

📩 Email: amber.harding@outkick.com 
Send your thoughts, questions, photos, stories and gripes.

🐦 Twitter/X: @TheAmberHarding

📸 Instagram: @amberharding