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What if someone told you that the most horrifying bear you’ll see this year doesn’t play at Soldier Field?
Winnie the Pooh is coming back to the big screen soon, only the new film — Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honeyˆ— is more violent.
Like exponentially more violent.
Pooh and Co. were the creations of author A.A. Milne. In January, the copyright on all of the characters ran out. That means they’re now public domain and can be used by anyone.
So, director Rhys Frake-Waterfield decided to do just that. The trailer just released, and you need to loosen up 2 minutes in your schedule and watch it.
It appears that the film will be exactly as advertised. A Winnie the Pooh slasher film.
What… What Was That?
That’s a fair question. Let’s sift through everything.
First, props on the hat tip to The Shining with the aerial shot of the car.
So, what I could gather is that the movie will center on an older Christopher Robin returning to his old stomping grounds, the Hundred Acre Wood, with his fiancé. He figures he’ll meet up with his old pals Winnie the Pooh, Piglet and everyone’s favorite perpetually depressed donkey, Eeyore.
Of course, that’s not how it goes down. His old buds have turned wild. Why? I don’t know. Maybe Christopher Robin owes them money or they didn’t recognize him now that he’s grown up and has a South African accent.
Well, Frake-Waterfield gave the answer, so, SPOILER ALERT.
“Pooh and Piglet experience a drastic drop in food as Christopher grew up. Over the years they became increasingly hungry and feral. They had to resort to eating Eeyore,” The director explained to horror website Dread Central in June. “Then Christopher returns with his wife to introduce her to his old friends. And when that happens, they get enraged when they see them.”
Alright, so essentially Pooh and Piglet have abandonment issues and aren’t happy that Christopher Robin violated the first rule of the Bro Code.
Will It Be Any Good Or Just A Pile Of Pooh?
The truth is the story doesn’t matter here. What matters is you’re going to see beloved children’s characters murdering people with hammers. That’s the draw.
Who asked for this? No one. That’s who. But it’s still the right amount of crazy that will make anyone with an ounce of fun in them willing to cough up a few bucks to stream it.
If you’re a horror fan, it’s safe to say you’ll be penciling this one into your viewing schedule.
This film will need a better Tagline than “This ain’t no bedtime story.” That’s grammatically horrifying but it needs something as iconic as Alien‘s “In space… No one can hear you scream.”
Not using something like “So horrifying, you’ll Pooh” seems like a real missed opportunity,
Yeah, that’d sell tickets.
Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle
One CommentLeave a Reply
I cannot believe this is a real thing. But I am delighted it exists.