Welp, That’s It, ’60 Minutes’ Says We’re Heading For Mass Extinction

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If we’re heading for mass extinction in the next 20 years, as Sunday’s edition of ’60 Minutes’ will contend, then Greta Thunberg better get her ass in gear having a little fun with life.

Wipe that scowl off your face, G-dawg. Get happy. It’s all going to end, so stop acting like you’re going to save the world.

In a teaser for Sunday’s show, 60 Minutes fear-porno reporter Scott Pelley interviews some unidentified scientist who says Earth is heading for a reckoning and it’s going to happen in just a short 20 years. Now, because 60 Minutes is in the business of making money, we don’t learn anything more than this big 20 years, and then it’s over prediction.

It was a good run while it lasted, but according to an upcoming ’60 Minutes’ report, earth is just 20 years away from its next mass extinction. / Getty Images / OutKick illustration

To put this in perspective for OutKick readers who typically think of things in sports contract length, we’re talking about mass extinction soon after Mariners outfielder Julio Rodriguez completes his contract that runs through 2035. Just imagine the fear porn in 2035 when we’re just seven years from it all ending for life as we know it on Earth.

Riveting stuff.

The good news for me is that I’ll either be dead or retired from the Internet and I won’t have to deal with all the fake outrage over the end being near.

Just think about the TikTok stars and how they’ll deal with the end of life as they’ve known it. This is going to be some tragic stuff to deal with for people who typically create dance routines and makeup how-to videos.

Top five mass extinctions in the history of earth:

According to the American Museum of Natural History, there have been five mass extinctions. Let’s take a look at how long ago these took place and what actually happened.

  1. Ordovician-silurian Extinction: 440 million years ago – “Small marine organisms died out,” the museum reports.
  2. Devonian Extinction365 million years ago – “Many tropical marine species went extinct.”
  3. Permian-triassic Extinction: 250 million years ago – “The largest mass extinction event in Earth’s history affected a range of species, including many vertebrates.”
  4. Triassic-jurassic Extinction: 210 million years ago – “The extinction of other vertebrate species on land allowed dinosaurs to flourish.”
  5. Cretaceous-tertiary Extinction: 65 Million Years Ago – “The extinction that occurred 65 million years ago wiped out some 50 percent of plants and animals. The event is so striking that it signals a major turning point in Earth’s history, marking the end of the geologic period known as the Cretaceous and the beginning of the Tertiary period.”

If it’s determined we’re already heading for mass extinction and the end of civilization as we know it, then why are we spending so much money on climate change?

That’s a great question, right?

Pelley and ’60 Minutes’ have a prime spot this Sunday for their climate change segment. It’ll air after the critical Vikings-Packers game from Lambeau Field. Talk about a great lead-in. Ratings will be through the roof as people hear they have 20 years left before mass extinction.

And they should be asking a very important question: Why is the U.S. government about to spend $500 billion on climate technology over the next decade?

Why isn’t that money being used to throw huge end-of-the-world-as-we-know-it parties across the United States? Or why isn’t the government giving that money back to taxpayers so they can party their asses off over the next 10 years?

Does Joe Biden know how much partying I would do on Put-In-Bay over the next decade if he slashed taxes going to useless technology when the world’s already going to end as we know it?

Bro, what’s China doing about this whole world ending as we know it thing?

A quick check of China’s investment into stopping climate change now that we’re already screwed, according to 60 Minutes’ sources, shows that the commies aren’t blowing their money frivolously on technology because the world is ending anyway.

You think these butchers are going to spend $17 trillion to save the cheetahs or people living along coastlines that are about to be wiped out? Did you see how they deployed drones to keep people locked down during COVID restrictions?

These commies don’t care about the heating of the oceans.

During those other mass extinctions, were the dinosaurs told they needed to own electric cars or they would kill off the dinosaurs?

It’s so strange to think we’ve had five other mass extinctions in the history of earth and yet the animals didn’t do their part to stop it all those years ago. Think back to 65 million years ago and how selfish those plants and animals must’ve been. They didn’t buy electric cars. They didn’t shut down their coal plants to conserve energy.

And look what happened.

Their asses got wiped out.

They should’ve listened to the lib lib experts.

If this is the end, we really need to start making plans on how to celebrate the run that earth had

I’m officially calling on 60 Minutes to turn its attention to how we celebrate the end. The news show has 20 years to do ‘Best of’ content and remembrances. The show also needs to call on the U.S. government to stop spending all this party money on useless technology that will be worthless when extinction sets in.

Would you rather have an insane rager in Nashville or own some piece of government technology that some nerd gets to play with before earth implodes? Hey nerds, I’d rather have Busch Lights and buckets of Fireball. And days and days of concerts by all the current acts that will be in their 60s and 70s.

I want 65-year-old Tom Brady looking back at how he dominated football on earth and what it meant to society before the mass extinction came.

Let’s hear how the world should celebrate the next 20 years as we close in on extinction.

Think long and hard about how you want to wrap it all up on this planet.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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