Football Season Weddings Are Brutal And Couples Should Do Better | Hookstead

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Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time to come together and discuss a topic that has the potential to tear families and friends apart:

Weddings during football season.

Our long national nightmare of weddings during football season has been going on for generations, and it needs to end.

At some point, a line must be drawn in the sand. We must tell the enemies of America (people who hate football) that there is a line they can’t cross, a point to where they must not and we must hold that line at any costs.

Should weddings during football season be tolerated? (Photo by Kevin Abele/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Anything worth having is worth fighting for, and it’s hard for me to imagine anything more worthy of fighting for than college football.

For a few months of the year, millions of Americans come together to celebrate the greatest sport ever invented. Yet, people with no regard for their guests continue to schedule weddings during football season.

I’m here to put an end to it.

Stop scheduling weddings during football season.

Now, let me say a few things up front. I have two weddings coming up over the next month or so. I’m super excited for both of them. If anyone from those weddings reads this, they definitely shouldn’t interpret it as being about them. It’s not. I couldn’t be more excited to hammer some beers and catch up with old friends.

This isn’t about the micro. It’s about the macro.

Some of the wisest words I’ve ever heard a person say was, “You can schedule your wedding during football season if you want. Just understand we won’t be attending.”

That was a message delivered from a father to his son. At the time, I thought it was a bit harsh. No more. We get 12 regular season college football games every year.

I’ll be damned if I should be happy about giving them up. This is America. In this country, we win world wars, go to the moon, bomb terrorists and we celebrate football.

That’s why we fought so hard to save it during COVID. Now, the time has come to save it from weddings. Some of you probably think I’m kidding. I’m not. Below is a text exchange between me and my girlfriend while writing this.

When I take a stand, I take a stand for real. To my girlfriend’s credit, she’s a wonderful woman and I know she wouldn’t force me to get married during football season. She’s a real one.

It can’t be tolerated.

Now, I’m sure many of you reading this are thinking, “Why does it matter? It’s one Saturday in the fall! Who cares about missing one Saturday?”

That’s the language of a fool. Again, there are only 12 regular season games. Do you really think people want to watch a couple get married after spending a fortune to get there instead of watching Alabama play a top-10 rival or witness a fire non-conference matchup?

No, the answer is no. They might attend, and they might even smile about it. However, we all know that deep down they’re going to be simmering with rage. I’ve been there. I know that’s what happens from firsthand experience.

Football weddings disrespect your guests.

Buckle up because you’re about to hear a piping hot take most people aren’t ready for.

Buckled up? Good. Let’s roll.

A wedding isn’t just about the couple getting married.

*Ducks and dives for cover*

Yes, a wedding is definitely about the people getting married, but it’s also a huge party. The entire point of a wedding is to celebrate your marriage with your closest friends and family.

You want your guests to have a great time. That’s why open bars are a must. How good of a time are people going to have if they’re constantly on their phone checking scores? Not a good one.

Now, allow me to extend an olive branch just to show that I’m a rational man. If you live in an area where football doesn’t matter (move if that’s the case) or your family doesn’t care about football, it’s a little different.

However, the fact you’re an OutKick reader tells me you and your family definitely care about football. For example, there are many football guys in my family, and we’ve had to attend weddings as a crew during the season.

I’m a fan of weddings, but not weddings during football season. (Credit: David Hookstead)

You know what everyone is talking about at the weddings? I’ll give you a hint. It’s definitely not blossoming love. It’s the scores and College Football Playoff scenarios.

At my little sister’s wedding, the first words my grandfather – a huge Michigan man – said to me were about possible seeding options. Not the wedding, not food and not anything else related to the festivities. It was about football.

Below is a photo of a family member shortly before my sister’s wedding started. You know what this person was doing while most people were getting dressed? Watching the Badgers and breaking down the action with someone over the phone.

The Hookstead family is committed to football. (Credit: David Hookstead)

There are millions more like us out there, and we’re done staying silent. It’s time to fight back.

Gentlemen, find yourself a woman who understands.

The good news is, most women in the football-loving portions of the country understand the importance of not having weddings during football season.

After all, there are a lot of women that are just as rabid fans as their male counterparts. That’s a positive, not a negative.

For me, I’ve said with every woman I’ve ever dated that a wedding during football season – if we get to that point – is a nonstarter.

What I also tell them is, “Don’t ever force me to choose between the Wisconsin Badgers and you. You won’t like the outcome.” You have to be upfront.

If your girlfriend is adamant you get married during the football season, then I’d suggest drastic measures like faking your death to get out of that situation. Remember, you’re not just doing it for you. You’re doing it for all your friends and family members who don’t want to tolerate that nonsense.

Believe it or not, I do love weddings.

Finally, I don’t want people to read this walking away believing that I hate weddings. Nothing could be further from the truth. I love weddings. I’m pro-marriage, pro-weddings, pro-family and all the other good stuff.

I just HATE the inconvenience of football season weddings. My girlfriend might say the weather is great, but you know what else is great? National titles.

National titles are forever. People get divorced all the time. Nobody can take away the memories of winning a national title.

College football national titles last forever. Failed marriages happen all the time. (Photo by Zach Bolinger/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

I’ll be ripping beers at both upcoming weddings, but I’ll always be checking the scores. Hopefully, we look back and see football season weddings as nothing more than a relic of the past. That is my great dream. My great hope. Together, we can get there.

Written by David Hookstead

David Hookstead is a reporter for OutKick covering a variety of topics with a focus on football and culture.

He also hosts of the podcast American Joyride that is accessible on Outkick where he interviews American heroes and outlines their unique stories. Before joining OutKick, Hookstead worked for the Daily Caller for seven years covering similar topics.

Hookstead is a graduate of the University of Wisconsin.

One Comment

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  1. Attl the very least you need to ensure there’s easy access to football at your venue. Both my sisters weddings did this. They’re football fans too..they know.

    But, if the couple is oblivious to sports, as Josh Pate once said, in reference to just how far one should be willing to go to ensure a fall wedding doesn’t happen: “bomb threat.”

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