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The key to landing monster brown trout in 2021 could be whether you’re using a traditional fly or a fly laced with crystal meth. That’s right, scientists now say brown trout love meth, and they have the research to back up such a claim. So before heading out to those beautiful rivers to become one with nature, stop by your local meth dealer to get some bait.
In a study published Tuesday in the Journal of Experimental Biology, scientists from the Czech University of Life Sciences in Prague report that brown trout are being exposed to meth via sewage systems that are dumping wastewater into waterways where the fish are getting their first taste of life as meth heads.
Scientists, who could be trying to cure cancer, wondered if fish were getting addicted to the meth that is now entering waterways around the world and now they have data to share.
“Our results suggest that emission of illicit drugs into freshwater ecosystems causes addiction in fish and modifies habitat preferences with unexpected adverse consequences of relevance at the individual and population levels. As such, our study identifies transmission of human societal problems to aquatic ecosystems,” the scientists state in their research abstract.
The full study sits behind a $30 paywall (that’s like one-and-a-half hits of meth!) that some outlets have paid for and report that the team tested brown trout in clean water and then other fish in full-on meth-y water.
“The meth-exposed fish became somewhat sedentary in these first four days of withdrawal, while the drug-free fish swam about as usual. This lack of movement hinted that the fish were stressed out due to their meth withdrawal,” according to the researchers.
The researchers determined that meth-addicted brown trout “could become addicted to trace amounts of meth in rivers and potentially congregate in areas where the drug accumulates.” In other words, if you want to catch the desperate brown trout, hang near the wastewater treatment facilities on the wrong side of the tracks.
The scientists say they’ll now move on to researching patterns of addiction and what happens when these fish go cold turkey off the meth they love so much. And it doesn’t stop with just the meth. There are all sorts of drugs in the water that these fish can get hooked on, including antidepressants.
In other words, you might want to stop using worms and artificial baits. Instead, you might want to throw small baggies of drugs in the water to see which drug addict fish isn’t napping after being awake for 65 hours.