Thursday Night Mowing League: The Heat Is Officially On
TNML commissioner's report:
I've seeded TNML t-shirt news into the Morning Screencaps, but I just want to say it again here in my weekly report that shirt sales have been through the roof over the last week. You guys bought so many shirts that Maxx (yes, two Xs) the T-shirt Manager spent last weekend just hammering me with updates. He could've been off sucking down fresh air at some patio bar with friends, but there he was at his computer, constantly updating me with how many shirts were flying off the shelves.
If you bought prior to this Wednesday, I'm told you should have tracking information. Orders entered the USPS system on Thursday, so fingers crossed some of you will have those for Father's Day. I'm hearing from many league members who are buying a gamer for themselves and one for their fathers. Your dad will finally cherish a Father's Day gift you purchased for him.
• Hopefully you had a chance to catch Rick Ross talking about mowing the grass on his massive Georgia estate. That story is what we're all about with this league. Rick uses mowing as a form of meditation, and I'm sure many of you do as well. Rick Ross might be a rap mogul who pops bottles & chases exotic 3 a.m. BET models, but I guarantee he would enjoy talking mowing with league members. Moguls mogul. Mowers mow. Those of us who live this lifestyle can talk shop, no matter our background, and that's one of the things I love about this league.
• Weather report: The heat is officially on across the Plains where I noticed our Nebraska guys were quiet this week. We're down to one mowing session a week here in Ohio as things start to settle in for the dog days.
It's not just the Plains. Salt Lake recorded its hottest temperature on record Tuesday at 107 degrees. Hang in there, folks.
• I know some of you will cringe over this, but we have our first blue checkmark league member. Jason Hoffman, the Cincinnati Enquirer sports editor, is a Marine veteran who loves sports, his son Eli and striping on Thursday nights. It's always a dicey situation when the checkmarks get involved, but I've vetted Jason enough to know he'll fit in just fine. That looks like a random digging hole for Eli in his yard. Jason gets the official commissioner approval.
• I've written about this before, but I'm blown away by the traction we're seeing in Utah. All these years I've been trying to figure out how to gain readers in Utah, and it comes in the form of a mowing league. SMH. I'd just like to say welcome to the growing legion of league members out west, including Benji and Emmett in Kaysville, Utah, a northern suburb of Salt Lake City. Benji's photo will go into the TNML Hall of Fame, especially with the Father's Day Weekend tie-in. Absolutely love to see it.
Benji K. emails:
Hey Commish,
Just filing a follow up report from Kaysville, UT. The battle has been hot and dry in the Beehive State as we are in the midst of a historical drought, but the folks of the TNML continue to put our shoulder to the wheel and press on.
I enlisted a young trainee to watch how it’s done as my wife had her hands full with his four older siblings. One year old Emmett was eventually lulled to sleep by the comforting purr of the mower.
TNML is going strong here and we look forward to the shirt’s arrival soon. Keep up the good work everyone.
• And finally this week, I give you a report from one of the TNML legends, Kurtis J. in Toledo. I've been saying that one of my new goals now that OutKick is owned by Fox News is to get Kurtis on Fox & Friends right there in the middle of Manhattan to cut some grass. This week's report from Kurtis backs up my belief that this guy would make an incredible league spokesperson. Stop and read this. Take us into Father's Day weekend my man!
Have a great weekend,
Commissioner Kinsey
Kurtis writes:
Hey Joe,
The trim is complete, and the lines are looking prime; however, this pic is in honor of Father’s Day. When I moved into this house my Dad had one thing he wanted to make sure I had. A quality mower. Growing up he instilled the importance of maintaining the mower and keeping it clean. Prior to today’s mow, I changed the oil and spackled up the grease fittings cleaning the ol’ whip after the job was complete. When I tell him about it during our Father’s Day call I will feel the energy come alive as nothing gets his juices going more than that. And hopefully he will be wearing his Father’s Day gift, a TNML shirt!!!
Justin makes a great point about timing out vacations for TNML:
Great evening for TNML in Newport, TN. Is there a more satisfying mow than the one right before vacation? Lowered the deck a little for the special occasion.
John F. slid into the Twitter DMs to give us a report on his wife:
The wife takes care of the back 40
Randy in Salt Lake City writes:
I hope I'm not too late to submit my entry. I was able to finish my TNML duties along with smoking some dinner on the Traeger, but then had to finish more of my day job and am just getting to sending this TNML report.
The second picture is thanks to the TNML last Saturday I was able to help my son save up for some sports camps this summer. His friends had done some lemonade stands and he wanted to do something similar. We live on a golf course and we came up with the idea to sell the donated golf balls that land in our back yard. We have almost a 5-gallon bucket full. He sorted and cleaned them and we went out Saturday morning since we didn't have any yard work to do.
He brought some drinks and the used golf balls and made $97 in four hours. He was so excited that we are going back tomorrow and Saturday to sell more during the Father's Day Scramble. Thanks to the TNML we get the yard work done and I'm able to teach my son some valuable lessons about entrepreneurship.
Keep up the good work!
Ryan S. joins the league and sent this report:
To say I’m ecstatic is an understatement, and with the wet ground in the Black Swamp I have had many days in training camp to finally be able to play on a Thursday.
These lines are so precise it would make a referee’s uniform jealous.
Thanks to my man D for the new weed whacker rack, although I’ve found a better use for it. Time for one of my favorite beverages, heck I might have both!!!
From Ross M. in Salem, OH:
I've been following the TNML since inception but this is my first submission. I've received the email that my t-shirt has shipped and can't wait to wear that out and see how many of us are out there. I had to move mowing night up to Wednesday this week due to a Little League rainout rescheduled for Thursday evening and it was time to go sideways. Unfortunately, no beer after this mow since I didn't wrap up until about 9, but love this time of year and that I can wrap up at 9 without using the lights. Fortunately, I've got great neighbors and they aren't too close. I'm enjoying your column and look forward to it daily. It's great to read about others enjoying the simple pleasures in life and with a sense of humor.
Mike T. writes:
Eagle Idaho checking in! 62 years old here! My front yard with my two mowers:
One my 92 Honda non propelled mower, I call this one “ The Beast.”
Two, my new Honda self propelled mower, I call this one “ The Donald “ as I bought it with President Trumps stimulus check!
Thanks for your work, it gives me hope for America
Kyle H. in Saint Johns, Florida writes:
Converted to Thursday night a few weeks ago thanks to the TNML and couldn’t be happier. Purchased the house in October of last year and inherited a completely neglected weed infested yard, but it’s getting there. Sierra Nevada Summer Break was the beer tonight and it wasn’t terribly hot for North Florida standards.
Jason in Taneytown, MD:
Coach Kinsey,
Weather here for central md was perfect for a Thursday evening mow. 78 at game time low humidity. I wanted share with you my grass cutting shoes or in my case boots. What you see below are vintage 1997 timbs. That’s right these bad boys are almost a quarter century old. I got them for my 18th birthday just before I left for college. I use these boots for everything outdoors including shoveling snow (though with all the cracks in them they are no longer water proof). I almost got a new pair of boots a couple of years back at my wife’s urging but I couldn’t pull the trigger. I don’t know how many years they got left but I intend to ride them till the soles fall off.
Don's back via email:
Report from Gilbert AZ
It was a brisk 120° at 1600 hrs
Got some decent lines
I trimmed and edged, my son Eddie mowed, and Otis and Olive supervised (Otis on the left).
Went all electric after having gas mower die one time too many.
Excited about my shirt shipping.
Have a good weekend
Daryl K. asked me a week ago about my favorite golf story. Here is his along with a mowing report:
Happy Thursday evening! Another week another post work mow, and now wings (my specialty) are on the grill.
Figured I should follow up my “random question time” with my most memorable golf story, and as I am a nurse figured it would be appropriate to present it in an SBAR (Situation, Background, Assessment, Recommendation) format
S - I am a 13 year old kid, who has been playing golf since he was 8. I’m out on the course with my grandpa, who was about 6’2” 285lbs, which will become important later.
B - By that time in my life I was a halfway decent golfer but by no means special (best round ever is 78). The two of us were paired up with another twosome, just out playing an easy nine in the afternoon. The course was fairly crowded, so there was waiting for most shots.
A - We stepped up to the 7th tee box, a short 340 yard par 4; the group in front of us had already teed off but were more than halfway down the fairway. My grandpa, assessing my skills fairly accurately most of the time, says to me “hey, why don’t you go ahead and tee off.” Me, thinking “my grandpa probably knows best,” steps up and proceeds, to my grandpa’s amazement, have the best drive of my life up to that point. I straight smoked it! However, what also happened by the time I addressed the ball and me launching the purest drive ever, was the group ahead drove their cart and parked in the middle of the fairway. My grandpa has the good sense to yell “FORE!!!” As do the other two gents we were playing with. My ball two hops and smacks the golf cart in the fairway. The woman sitting in it screams like hell, which is totally appropriate. Every possible emotion runs through me: excitement, fear, that feeling in your hands and entire self of knowing you just hit one of the best golf shots you’re capable of, trembling, trepidation of what happens now.
Nothing immediately happens next, but we know the next tee box ain’t gonna be a happy place.
We pull up to the 8th tee box and damn they are pissed. My grandpa (large man) and I (13 year old kid) walk up first intending to apologize profusely, but they can’t believe that either of us actually did it. They storm pass us and absolutely lay into the other two random dudes we were playing with. I will never forget their stunned faces as they have to confront the fact that some zit faced 13 year old kid scared them shitless.
R - On short par fours wait for the fairway to be completely clear and the group to be on the green, even if you think your 13 year old grandson can’t reach em. Just wait…
Keep up the good work!
Mark has a report on his game shoes:
Not the Dad approved New Balance shoes, but a pair of ASICS Gel Kayono running shoes. These bad boys are going on mowing season number 5.
Ken writes:
Checking in from New Orleans…..big fan keep up the good work. Small yards in the city, but we work hard to keep it looking good.
Had to get it cut and clean before the predicted rain this weekend from the tropical storm.
Read your article every morning when I get to the office.
Keep up the good work.
Caleb S. emails:
Commissioner Kinsey,
Happy to report a successful competition tonight. After dealing with a 2 week stretch on the DL (dry list, no rain), the Toro came through in a big way tonight. Felt good to get back out there on the field.
Also thought I’d throw in a picture of the often forgotten, but not by me, mowing hat. This is a vital piece of equipment in my opinion that is a part of every mow. Thanks for your hard work keeping the league in order.
Happy Mowing,
Dave S in Cache Valley, Utah has been with us since the beginning. The guy is as dependable as it gets. His latest report:
Another successful Thursday Night Mow League performance. As much as I enjoy having a tight looking yard for the weekend, I couldn’t have worse luck when it comes to my town’s green waste removal day. You guessed it, WEDNESDAYS! That means by Saturday the green waste bin smells like the devil’s butt. I realize that this type of unfortunate circumstance is probably outside of Commissioner Kinsey’s jurisdiction but it sure feels like there should be some sort of petition or something that can be done to create change. It only seems appropriate for cities and towns to change green waste pick up days annually. Our day has been Wednesday for as long as I can remember. Any ideas that the commissioner might have would be appreciated. At this point, I might need to start a movement at the grass roots level (whoa, see what I did there?) In the meantime, we will keep holding our breath as we walk by that bin because it smells like straight cheeks!
Arthur L. writes:
Checking in from Florida!!!
