Thursday Night Mowing League: Layin’ Stripes One More Time In August

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TNML Commissioner’s Report:

I’m not going to sugarcoat this week’s report — my mowing sucks right now. A week ago, I found myself firing up the mower only to realize I had enough Marathon/Speedway fuel to get me through the front yard.

You might remember how the family was down a vehicle after being drilled by a lady who wasn’t paying attention while backing out of the neighbor’s driveway. Last Thursday, my wife goes out to meet friends for dinner and I’m sitting here without a fuel solution. So the front was mowed.

Then I spent the early part of this week playing catch up with my Briggs & Stratton-powered Toro, which is always a disaster because the jet-fueled turf, thanks to multiple storms, was probably somewhere in the six-inch range.

Total haywire.

Then, this week on league night my mom decides to fly up from Florida. I was thinking this would be a simple stop-and-go pitstop at the local airport and I’d be back to slam through the yard one more time to get it right.

Mom never checks a bag. I pull up to the terminal, she pops into the sled and we’re off.

Nope. Not this time.

Her and my stepfather Ray checked a bag. MAJOR ISSUE. You guessed it, the damn airport had like one guy emptying the plane. I was sitting there watching minutes tick off of league night.

You combine that with the sunset that is down to 8:17 and it spelled disaster. I was toast.

This week served as a reminder:

  1. Mom’s never allowed to check in a bag when flying up here on Thursdays during the TNML season
  2. My wife needs to be in charge of Thursday airport pickups from now on
  3. I need to alert Outkick management that I’ll be taking off at least an hour early on league nights as we start to lose daylight. Listen, if I’m going to run a mowing league, I have to treat this as work. Name another job where you get to tell the boss you have to step away an hour early to serve as a fantasy mowing league commissioner. You can’t.

Other league business:

  • We could be on the cusp of our very first sponsored TNML team. Southeeast Michigan’s Diesel Renius has officially caught the attention of the mowing industry thanks to his straight edges. The Stihl, Crocs and Craftsman social media teams all slapped that ‘Like’ button on Twitter once they saw the work being produced by the big man.
  • TNML March Madness? A suggestion has been made to take the 64-best mowing photos and do a bracket to determine a ‘Best TNML Photo’ champion with a prize like an expenses-paid trip to the 2023 Put-in-Bay Invitational. I’ll say this, I like the idea. Which brand wants to step up and sponsor it?

TNML store…show your league colors…BUY, BUY, BUY!

Thursday Night Mowing League T-Shirt

Thursday Night Mowing League Re-Useable Solo Cups

TNML Reports:

• My Put-in-Bay golf tournament partner Tim G. in NW Ohio writes:

Got another solid 4.5” cut with the @exmark in NW Ohio. The weather has been wonderful this August and the lawn looks strong!

• Indy Daryl of ‘Do Hard Things’ fame, writes:


Nothing like finishing up a Thursday mow knowing that tomorrow is the last day before vacation! Saturday morning, myself and 4 buddies are headed out to Washington and the great Olympic National Park. Will be spending 6 days and 5 nights in the backcountry, hiking, sleeping in a tent, completely disconnected from civilization. It is absolutely one of the best weeks of the year! And knowing the mowing is done just makes it that much sweeter.

As for tipping, yes it has gotten out of control. I generally like to tip for excellent service, but the number of places expecting it is crazy. I’m supposed to tip since you put a cookie in a bag and turned an iPad around? Because you grabbed a cup and poured coffee into it? I get it if there is an elaborate drink being made or if I am at a sit-down restaurant, but dang! The best meme I have seen regarding this situation is this:

As for car repairs, I will spare you the gory details but our van was hit in October of 2021 and we didn’t get it back until January of 2022. Three months of being a one-car family!!

Welp, that should do it for a Thursday night! May your patio beers be fresh and cold all night long!

• Candler B. in Duluth, GA writes:

Joe- I had to get in a Wednesday night mow because Thursday night was parents’ night at the school where I work. Parents’ night is generally routine as most parents’ nights at schools are, but my buddy Sean came in with a great report as soon as it ended.

A dad of one of the kids in his class came up to him and said, “I guess having this parents’ night on a Thursday is really messing up your mowing schedule.” Sean had never talked with him about TNML, but the dad had seen a picture of Sean and his yard in one of the reports from last year. Incredible! It’s a MOVEMENT!

Enjoy the weekend. High school football in Georgia starts tonight, and we’re one week away from the start of college football! What a time to be alive!

• Ken S. in North Augusta, SC writes:

Dear Commissioner –

I’m writing regarding the fact that I’ve been remiss from my TNML duties for several weeks.  In atonement, I’m attaching a few pictures from a long-planned Alaska trip.  Hopefully, these will make up for the state of my lawn.

A few observations from Alaska, (mainly on the Kenai peninsula) from someone who lives in the Deep South:

Alaska has a lot of cannabis dispensaries, lots of coffee shops, plenty of good breweries, and scenery.  Lots of fabulous scenery.

Seafood is exceptionally good, although pricy for being sourced locally.  Food overall was expensive, but almost everything else seemed reasonably or moderately priced.

Overall, our trip cost was possibly 5-10% lower than anticipated.

In summary, it was a great trip, well worth going.  I highly recommend taking at least a couple of weeks and exploring as much as possible.

Now, time to finish strong for the remainder of the TNML season.

Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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