Thursday Night Mowing League: It’s Hot, But This Is When We Separate the Contenders From The Pretenders

TNML Commissioner’s Report:

By now you guys know that I’m down in Birmingham, Alabama on a Morning Screencaps retreat — SATURDAY…Back 40… 3 p.m. be there — to see how the fine folks down here treat their lawns on league night and how they handle garage beers/patio beers.

The typical Big J journalist likes to go into a media press box where they act all high and mighty because they have a press pass. They like to get away from the losers who don’t have a swivel seat and air conditioning. They look down on those who aren’t one of them, hence wearing their press pass around like it’s a sheriff badge.

As I’ve always said, when they zig, I zag. The Big Js are busy thinking of those football press box lunches while I’m here in Birmingham with my head on a swivel for a freshly mowed lawn from league night.

My first impression of Birmingham in July is that it’s way lusher (Grammarly says it’s a word) than I expected. They’ve had rain.

That means I should see stripes. Lots of stripes. I’m currently holed up in my own office inside a commercial real estate office in downtown Birmingham, but later today, Brandon B., who brought me south for a Screencaps summit, promises I’ll see the neighborhoods where the action should be.

Don’t let me down, Birmingham.

Send me more poll questions

Thank you to Lanaevoli for sending in this week’s poll question and immediately triggering the riding lawn mower community.

I’m hearing more and more of this out of the eastern seaboard league members

• Paul B. writes:

Two plus weeks and no cut …drought is hitting the lawn very hard this summer and 95 plus on the way for weekend in Eastern Pa.

The robots are taking over

Let’s go to Canada where the disgusting destruction of the mowing industry continues by heartless robots who are sucking the fun out of local government employees who used to get out there and ride around on a mower all day. Now they’re using their phones to control robot mowers.

BOOOOOOOOO!

“As we got the grass down to the height we were looking for, it started to fly around the field and we were actually really impressed with how easy it was to adjust and easy it is to clean and how much of a timesaver it was for our staff and the people that were cutting it before,” a city supervisor told CTV.

Yeah, but does it yell at kids to get off its lawn? Guys, we’re going to lose all the things we loved about being kids and being yelled at Butch down the street for turning our bikes around in his yard while he’s out mowing.

I have a bad feeling these robot mowers are going to lead to even more destruction of masculinity. What red-blooded male wants to control a robot via a desktop computer as it mows a city park.

Now that I’m good and fired up, I’m ready to hit the streets here in Birmingham. I have like 36 hours to see this place.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com   

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TNML Reports:

• My Put-In-Bay Invitational golf partner Tim G. in NW Ohio checks in:

We got 3.9 inches of rain last weekend in Allen County, Ohio, which greened things up a bit. First needed mow in a month or so. Still mowing at 4.5” so the grass can keep more moisture in for the next few months. Normally I like a 4” cut but couldn’t do it in the spring because it was too long by the time it dried out enough to get on it and now it’s so dry that I want to keep it longer. Don’t think I’ve had a 4” cut yet this year. Might just stick to. 4.5” as the Baseline. Helps keep the weeds down.

Garden is doing great – I water it most nights with one beer’s worth of water. I stand there with the garden hose and water for as long as it takes me to finish a beer. Fun formula that seems to be working well 🙂

• Kurtis J. in NW Ohio writes:

It was absolute bliss this evening. A cool gentle wind, the calm hum of the mower motor, the sweet aroma of fresh grass clippings and the satisfaction you can feel deep in your loins after each stripe you lay down on a Thursday.  Then, to top it all off, at 10PM as I am walking my dogs with my wife we strike up a conversation with a neighbor. This is a neighbor who I have curiously seen mowing on Thursday’s after I dropped the TNML bomb on him a little over a month ago. After chit chatting for several minutes, there was a slight pause in the conversation, and even through the dark hue of the night, I could see a smile come across his face and the following exchange took place:

Neighbor: So, you see I mowed tonight.
Me: It is Thursday.
Neighbor: Now I have the whole weekend.
Me: That’s what it is all about.
Neighbor: I am really enjoying this concept.

This conversation literally took place. This stuff just writes itself! Enjoy Birmingham.

• Matt in Nashville writes:

Not much to report on the lawn in recent weeks due to the drought in middle TN, but I can happily report that I spent last week repping The League™ out in Park City, UT with family and friends and got back in time to give the yard a finally-needed trim tonight. No beers were present this evening, but some high-quality steaks needed grilling, and there was a bottle of local bourbon that agreed to join. Please enjoy the pics of mile-high league pride, delicious food/drink, and a nice noir moment I like to call Steaks & Stripes. Hope all is well with the TNML family

• Erol in NJ slid into the Instagram DMs to say he got it done on league night:

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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