There’s A “Christmas Story” Sequel And It’s Going To Be Terrible

Newsflash to Hollywood:

Stop remaking movies.

Stop making sequels just for the sake of making sequels.

And for the love of God, do not mess with the classics.

Case in point – HBO Max just released a teaser clip for “A Christmas Story Christmas,” the sequel to one of the best holiday movies of all time – A Christmas Story. 

The fact they are throwing in the classic lines from the movie, “Fra-gi-le” and “Ho-Ho-Ho” made me cringe. They are trying to play on nostalgia and this is going to be worse than Home Alone 3.

This is a cash grab by HBO, plain and simple.

Social media took the news in similar fashion.

WE DON’T NEED ANOTHER CHRISTMAS STORY

First can we discuss the name? “A Christmas Story Christmas.” How much did HBO Max pay for that focus group to approve that genius title?

Also technically this isn’t even the sequel – as there’s already been a Christmas Story 2 featuring Daniel Stern (you’re forgiven if you weren’t aware that it existed, it went straight to DVD)

Warner Home Video

PETER BILLINGSLEY RETURNS AS “RALPHIE”

The new movie will be heading to the streaming service on November 17th, and although it will star Peter Billingsley – this time as a grown up Ralphie, I already have this feeling that it’s going to be a disaster. 

The story will follow a grown-up Ralphie that returns to his childhood home, reconciles with old friends, deals with the passing of his father, and celebrates Christmas with his own children.

HBO MAX

A Christmas Story is one of the best movies.  It is on for literally 24 Hours from Christmas Eve thru Christmas – on multiple channels at once. 

You turn on TNT it could be the part with the children triple dog daring one of their classmates to lick the metal pole outside the school only to get his tongue stuck, while also simultaneously it’s airing on TBS at another scene that’s hopefully the dad receiving that leg lamp to show off to the neighbors.  

NEW YORK, NY – OCTOBER 31: The iconic lamp at the press preview for “A Christmas Story, The Musical” at Gibney Dance Studios on October 31, 2013 in New York City. (Photo by Monica Schipper/FilmMagic)

HOLLYWOOD HAS NO NEW IDEAS

I wish Hollywood would stop treating the audience as if we are idiots.  It’s amazing that hundreds of millions of dollars will be put into some movie ideas and the rest of us are here like there is no way this is going to work out – and yet, the ones spending the money still allow it to happen and then are suddenly shocked when it doesn’t work.

Have we come this far that we can’t come up with new ideas or storylines?  Does everything have to be a remake or an extension of an existing storyline or entity?

The world didn’t need a live action Dumbo movie.  It looked atrocious from the get go.  We sure as hell didn’t need pre-lunatic Will Smith playing the Genie in the real life Aladdin.

Anchorman?  Unbelievable comedy.  Did we need a sequel – absolutely not.  Independence Day starring once again a pre-slapping Smith?  One of those movies that’s on a Saturday or Sunday and you are flipping thru your TV and you see it on – hell yeah I’ll watch it.  Were you aware that they made an Independence Day 2?  Oh they did. They are fighting on the moon on lunar bases because of course they are.  

So whether it’s messing with Robin Williams (RIP) and having The Rock star in not one, but two unnecessary remakes of Jumanji, to someone thinking that 2022 would be a great time to screw with Christmas traditions with A Christmas Story, Hollywood continues to be a joke.

And just like the classic scene from the original, I’d rather stick my tounge on a frozen metal pole than have to watch this.

Written by Mike Gunzelman

Mike “Gunz” Gunzelman has been involved in the sports and media industry for over a decade. He’s also a risk taker - the first time he ever had sushi was from a Duane Reade in Penn Station in NYC.

3 Comments

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  1. The original movie sucked. It sucked so badly that it became a joke to watch.

    Which, in a double-negative” kinda way, gives me hope.. If the original sucked giant Donkey gonads, then the other could do likewise, but the double-negative affect could happen and we get a truly timeless, safe, and non-tranny story for Christmas!

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