The thing that jumps out the most here isn’t the number of arrests — although that’s remarkable — it’s that this is the stuff that these guys got caught doing. Think about all the things they’re doing that they’re not getting arrested for. Remember when you were in college. Every single one of us could have been arrested for something — underage drinking at a minimum — yet most of us were never arrested at all. That’s because you get arrested a small percentage of the time that you actually do something illegal. So how often are football players doing illegal things? Like every hour of every day.
So which schools had the most arrests over the past five years? Well, he broke that down as well. And there’s a surprise leader.
1. Washington State 31
Holy hell, this is what happens when you’re a team that gets no attention and you’re located in the middle of nowhere. Is Washington State a football team or a criminal syndicate?
2. Florida 24
Interestingly, if you combine Florida and Ohio State’s arrests, Urban Meyer would be number one on this list.
3. Georgia 22
Totally where I would expect to see Georgia, the Bulldogs can’t even get the most arrests in the SEC, they Georgia’d it.
3. Texas A&M 22
Fun fact, the only place that carries the Longhorn Network in College Station? Jail.
5. Oklahoma 21
Gotta give it to Bob Stoops, he finished behind three SEC teams even on this list.
6. Iowa State 20
Don’t judge. If you lived in Ames, Iowa you’d get arrested too. Jail is actually the most fun attraction within 100 miles.
6. Missouri 20
Lots of people questioned whether Mizzou belonged in the SEC. Leave aside the back-to-back SEC east titles, this arrest record is prima facie evidence that they’re in the right conference.
6. Ole Miss 20
Hugh Freeze is going to take these boys straight to church. (Where they will then abscond with the offering plates).
6. West Virginia 20
I’m convinced Morgantown, West Virginia is like Deadwood. Every morning they feed the dead bodies to the hogs.
10. Florida State 19
Imagine what FSU’s arrest rate would be if Tallahassee police actually arrested football players.
10. Tennessee 19
The Vols are back, baby. (This also means six of the top ten most arrested teams in the country are from the SEC).
12. Alabama 18
In 2011 I met a sheriff at the Alabama-LSU game in Tuscaloosa. He had a national championship ring that Saban gave him. No joke.
12. Iowa 18
Iowa and Iowa State represents the most felonious rivalry in college football.* *Between two teams that never win anything.
12. Kentucky 18
You’d think Kentucky would be better at football with this arrest rate.
15. LSU 16
LSU’s arrest rate is top 15 in the country, yet just the 9th best in the SEC. That’s so Les.
15. Marshall 16
The Thundering Herb break up the big five conference football run with some non-major five arrest respect.
15. Oregon State 16
Again, a middle of nowhere Pac 12 school with a huge arrest rate.
15. Pittsburgh 16
Pitt beating out Florida State for the ACC’s highest arrest rate would have been a major upset. So of course Pitt kept it close and then choked.
19. Arkansas 14
Fun fact: 12 of these are actually Houston Nutt arrested trying to sneak into Old Country Buffet.
19. Michigan 14
This is all Rich Rod’s fault.
19. Oklahoma State 14
This number would have been much higher, but T. Boone Pickens bought the Stillwater police department in 2012.
19. Purdue 14
Even Purdue’s arrested football players are bad.
23. Auburn 13
Auburn is ranked 23rd in the nation for arrests, but just 11th in the SEC.
23. Colorado 13
Confession: Every now and then I forget Colorado actually has a football team.
26. Nebraska 12
You know the program is in stiff decline when Nebraska can’t even make the top 25 of arrests any more. Lawrence Phillips used to do that by himself.
26. Ohio State 12
Urban Meyer will have them top five in arrests in no time.
28. East Carolina 11
This is the strongest case ECU has made for inclusion in the SEC.
28. Mississippi State 11
Odds someone from State emails asking why the Bulldogs are rated so low here? 100%.
28. Oregon 11
See what happens when you decriminalize weed? No one gets arrested any more.
28. Penn State 11
(Insert Jerry Sandusky was framed comment from Nittany Lion truthers.)
28. TCU 11
The most arrests for a private school. Well done, Gary Patterson.
33. Syracuse 10
This number would be much higher, but in 2010 Syracuse police implemented a new policy: you can’t be arrested when there’s a foot of snow on the ground.
33. Texas 10
I kind of want to see Urban Meyer get named the head coach of Texas just to see what he could do with this number.
33. Central Michigan 10
33. Middle Tennessee 10
33. Western Kentucky 10
39. Arizona State 9
Arizona State is the only school on this list where the football team actually has a lower arrest rate than the student body.
39. Cincinnati 9
39. Illinois 9
39. South Carolina 9
No joke here, Steve Spurrier’s guys never seem to get arrested compared to the rest of the SEC. They have the 13th most arrests in the conference, only Vanderbilt has fewer.
43. Arizona 8
43. Bowling Green 8
43. Colorado State 8
43. Georgia Southern 8
49. Baylor, Indiana, Louisville, Miami, Michigan State, Nevada, New Mexico, North Carolina, Northern Illinois 7
And if you’re wondering how the arrest rate correlates with wins, well, here you go.