NFL Crocs Have Arrived And Even This Croc Guy Has Reservations About Them

I've made no secret about the fact that I'm a big Crocs guy. Sure, they're fugly as hell and sometimes even I want to give me a wedgie when I wear them, but if you need something to throw on to let the dog out or run to the grocery store, you'd be hard-pressed to find a better option than the Swiss army knife of foam-molded footwear.

Now, having said that… I'm not so sure that I can even endorse the new NFL Crocs.

Crocs has been churning out shoes with team logos for a while now, but they recently announced a new line of NFL versions.

Now, if the idea was simply to throw a logo on them or do them up in team colors, I think I could deal with it. A pair of Eagles and/or Bears Crocs might be a nice addition to the collection, seeing as I'm one of those annoying people with two teams I cheer for.

But that is not what these are.

No, they're a bit more… involved.

How is one supposed to walk around with the sticky-uppy bits on those things?

I mean, look at the horns on the Vikings and Bills versions. I'm sure they're not sharp, but imagine trying to walk around a crowded concourse without jabbing fellow fans in the ankle with your Croc horns.

Also, I couldn't do the Bears Crocs with those claws on the off chance that they caught on something and made me fall and break something.

"Yeah, broken collarbone… How did it happen? Well, I was wearing Chicago Bears Crocs, and his claws got caught on the garden hose out back, and I just went down. Doc said it was one of the worst Croc-related injuries he had ever seen… Top-three, probably…"

But the real deal-breaker? The price — and I thought I was hallucinating when I saw this — is $84.99.

For reference, a normal, non-NFL pair of Crocs comes in at $49.99, a figure that I had to look up and didn't just happen to know off the top of my head…

…Okay, fine; I knew it off the top of my head.