The Gripe Report: Delivery Windows, Empty Coffee TV Cups, Ads That Have Nothing To Do With The Product

Ahoy-hoy, and welcome to another edition of The Gripe Report, the capital city of the proud griping nation of Ubitchistan.

I think we’re going to start this week, just like we did a few weeks back, by assigning a little bit of homework.

I want you to send me your moving gripes. 

Any and all. Big and small.

If it involves relocating to a new place of residence, I want to hear about it.

Got a gripe? Send it in!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com

As you may have guessed from this assignment, I’ve got moving on the brain because the fiancée and I are leaving behind the life of apartment renters, and moving on up to the life of townhouse renters.

That’s a big deal because it means I’ll have a back patio with a grill and if you want to find me on my days off, I’ll be back there smoking and grilling various various meats.

SIGN UP FOR TUBI AND STREAM SUPER BOWL LIX FOR FREE

But of course, that’s a few weeks away and right now we’re gearing up through the move.

We have exactly one item in the new place — some kind of entertainment center deal — and already I’m not having fun.

This piece of furniture is a floor model and that meant that, for some reason, the store couldn’t be bothered to deliver it. I figured we’d drive over on the weekend with a freshly rented U-Haul cram it in the back, drive it to the townhouse, and then we’re done by lunch.

Nope.

The furniture place said it needed to be out within two days, but the problem is I have to work. So, we had to go with a third-party mover that the furniture place set up.

So, the day the thing was supposed to arrive I called the guy and asked for an estimated time of arrival so my fiancée could run over to the new place and let the movers in. He said he’d get to the store at 1 and then would be at our place — almost exactly half an hour away — between 1 and three in the afternoon.

By the way, in the age of GPS, can we tighten these arrival windows, please?

"Hey, I know GPS will give me an exact travel time to the destination, but I'm still going to five you a 2-4 hour window for when I could possibly get there, but honestly, I'll still probably be late…" (Getty Images)

So, we headed over at around 1:40 and waited… and waited… and waited…

After at least half an hour, I decided to check and see how close they were.

Turns out the answer was "not close at all" and they hadn’t even been to the furniture store yet to pick up the piece.

Look, I’m a reasonable and incredibly handsome guy. I know as well as anyone that sometimes, s–t just happens.

But no courtesy call when you know you’re going to miss the window you gave us?!

So we went back home for a few hours until finally, we got a call that he was at the store, at which point we did the same song and dance again until the piece was finally in our new living room.

It was an odyssey, I tell you; an odyssey.

But it didn't need to be. All we need from delivery drivers is communication. Let's start tightening those delivery windows and at least hitting them.

Plus, I don't mind if you're late, just let me know!

Alright… I'm sure there's plenty more of this coming my way over the next few weeks, but let's move it along.

A detetcive mulling over a crime scene is going to be winging this all over the place while he talks like it's empty, because most of the time it is. (Getty images)

TV Shows That Refuse To Fill Coffee Cups

Bill from Hershey was one of those gripes that you may have noticed yourself, but if you haven’t good luck not noticing it all the time once you’re aware of it:

This might be a gripe about the most insignificant thing ever, but it’s the easiest to fix. I watch an awful lot of crime shows, docs, and movies, so there are always lots of people sipping beverages, usually coffee, from disposable cups. You can ALWAYS tell that there is nothing in the cup because 1) the movement of their hand while holding the cup is that if a hand holding an empty cup. A cup with something in it just has a certain dynamic when you’re holding it, and 2) the actors don’t know how to fake a sip. I’ve seen them start saying their line while the cup is still tilted and touching their lips. That should result in dribbling and drooling. 

Just put some damn liquid in the cup. Refill if you must, if Michael Chikliss or Angie Harmon keeps blowing their lines, but let’s fix this. 

…

I believe the great Adam Carolla has been on this train for quite some time, and it really is one of those things that once you notice it, you'll see it so much you'll start thinking you need to be tossed into a padded room.

It really is inexcusable at this point. It's wild that it'll happen on a series where this will be this big spectacle of car chase with pyrotechnics and CGI and yet somehow, no one thought to put a few splashes of water in an actor's Dixie cup.

I mean, I'm not an actor (although I can be if anyone wants me to, I'm very good) but I would like the idea of being able to take some swigs of water between takes. 

So, in that case, filling those cups kills two birds.

An advertisement for a TV the way nature intended with a TV front and center. (Getty Images)

Ads That Have Nothing To Do With The Product

I've got another gripe to bring us home that I think is timely given that the Super Bowl is upon us.

I like to listen to old-time radio shows (sorry to disappoint you, ladies; I'm engaged to be wed) and I was listening to an episode of the show Suspense complete with the original commercials and something struck me.

And no, it wasn't a hankering for the smooth taste of Virginia tobacco that only Chesterfield can deliver, although I have heard those commercials too…

The show was sponsored by Autolite Spark Plugs and the act breaks featured very simple commercials for Autolite brand spark plugs.

But what I noticed was that today, a commercial for spark plugs — if they would even do one — would feature glamour shots of a Porsche racing through the desert or there'd be some kind of unfunny bit with the guys from Scrubs having trouble getting a car to start.

Nope, back then, it was a dialogue with one guy asking questions about spark plugs and another answering questions about spark plugs and why Autolite spark plugs are the most reliable spark plugs on the market.

I found this so refreshing. I feel like nowadays commercials just want to hammer their name and branding into the folds in your brain, while back then, they were talking about the materials in these spark plugs and how long they last and all kinds of stuff.

Can we go back to that? I mean, the tipping point really should have been that Jaguar commercial that didn't even feature a car, right?

Madison Avenue, get it together.

I'm tired of commercials that make me go, "This must be for the new Jurassic Park flick," only for it to be an ad for Spectrum Internet.

…What?!

And I already know we're going to see some Jaguar-esque nonsense during the Super Bowl. I don't need to be told that AirBnb creates memories or whatever. Will it hook me up with a place to sleep? That's all I need to know.

…

That's it for this week!

Enjoy the Super Bowl and be sure to send in all of your moving gripes or anything else that is bugging you!: mattreigleoutkick@gmail.com