Commanders Stage Pathetic Front-Row Vigil For The Woke, Broke Washington Post

If anyone wants to know why the Washington Commanders haven’t won anything since the BlackBerry was popular, they need look no further than the front row of a Tuesday press conference.

The Commanders organization decided to pivot into the world of performative social theater when they left three chairs empty to honor … wait for it … the Washington Post's decaying sports section.

Three perfectly good seats, wasted and vacant in the front row, served as a brooding symbol to the WaPo reporters who were recently pink-slipped after the paper finally nuked its sports department.

Commanders coach Dan Quinn, sounding like a guy at a candlelight vigil rather than a head coach vying for wins next season, told the remaining media members he was "bummed" by the news, as seen in a video shared by JP Finlay.

WATCH… TRY NOT TO WEEP:

"Their presence is missed," Quinn said with a straight face, acting like the paper had just lost Woodward and Bernstein… not a sports desk that’s been hollowed since Mark Brunell was under center.

And these folks wouldn't dare say "Redskins" in a sentence. That's how brave they were.

Head coach Dan Quinn of the Washington Commanders. (Photo by Mitchell Leff/Getty Images)

Still, since when did NFL coaches start caring for corporate media? Sure, they share WASHINGTON in the name, but did the American public really lose much?

Not really…

RELATED: The Washington Post Can’t Quit Colin Kaepernick

While Quinn is busy being "bummed" about the lack of Ivy League grads in the front row, fans are surely wondering why he isn't busy figuring out how to stop offenses on third-downs. Look at us being noble… how about you start winning?

WOMP WOMP WA-PO

The real comedy isn't the empty chairs; it is the people weeping over them. Over at ProFootballTalk, Mike Florio was clutching his pearls so hard they might have turned back into dust. Florio lamented that "the accountability the Post brought to sports teams... will be missed."

For years, the Post specialized in lecturing the "deplorables" in the nosebleeds about why their favorite traditions were problematic while ignoring that their own subscription base was cratering.

(*shrugs*) Most fans call that a bad business model. 

They treated the sports section like a sociology dissertation. To their group of writers, alienating the very people who just wanted to know if the backup quarterback had a pulse was part of the job.

The faithful Post readers remaining in 2026 — all 12 of them — were shocked that a product nobody wanted to buy finally got canned.

They saw it as a "dark day for democracy." 

Meanwhile, the rest of America saw a newspaper that finally ran out of other people's money to spend on slanted narratives. Just like their hero Colin Kaepernick, the paper ran out of believable gimmicks.

The Post sports section is gone, the "accountability" unit is polishing their resumes, and somehow… the world is still turning.

Coach Quinn might want to consider putting actual fans in those seats.

Head coach Dan Quinn of the Washington Commanders stands on the sidelines during the national anthem. (Photo by Kevin Sabitus/Getty Images)

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