Beloved New Jersey Cheesesteak Spot Rocked By Shocking Walrus Penis Bone Heist

Some people in Camden, New Jersey, are having a hard time eating cheesesteaks at their favorite joint these days after one restaurant's prized walrus penis bone was stolen last week.

Go ahead and unpack that sentence. 

Take all the time you need.

The cheesesteak hot spot in question is Donkey's Place, and it was once proclaimed by the late Anthony Bourdain to be the best cheesesteak in Philadelphia.

For how well-traveled he was, he stank at geography.

But while the cheesesteaks are the draw, everyone stayed to talk about the walrus baculum — that's a mammalian wang bone to the layperson — sitting behind the bar.

Hey, that's just how you stand out. Every joint in the Philly area has a Mike Schmidt jersey, an Eagles flag, and a plushy of Gritty, the Flyers' mascot, but do you know what they don't have? 

…

…Yeah, but also walrus penis bones.

It's been a conversation piece for years, according to owner Rob Lucas Jr., which makes sense. Is there any better way to spend an afternoon than having a whiz wit while talking walrus dongs? 

If there is, I haven't heard it.

One of Camden's most iconic cheesesteak restaurant walrus penis bones has been stolen. (Getty Images)

But sadly, one customer decided they wanted to take this piece of phallic paraphernalia with them.

"The bartender handed it out for them to figure out what it was. She went to the back to do something else and then one dude stole it," Lucas told NJ.com. "We got his picture, but I don’t think he’s from around town."

That sucks, but if I know the dude brain the way I think I know the dude brain, whoever stole that walrus wiener won't be able to keep it on the down low. He'll want to impress his buddies with it next time they come over to watch football.

That'll be his undoing. While I don't have actual numbers, I'd wager that walrus penis bones are few and far between. 

It's been years since I was last in Camden, though. Maybe the walrus penis scene has gotten more robust.

So, if you see some guy flaunting a walrus baculum — remember, that's fancy-speak for "bone that's in a dong" — throw the folks at Donkey's Place a bone.

A walrus penis bone.