The World Cup Mascots Kind Of Stink So Here Are Some Better Ideas

The 2026 FIFA World Cup will have three host nations — the US, Canada, and Mexico — and, as such, it will have three mascots, with one representing each host.

Those were unveiled on Thursday, and… well, let's just say that it seems like they were slapped together in an afternoon.

That is Canada's Maple the Moose, Mexico's Zayu the Jaguar, and the US's Clutch the Eagle.

I mean, could we get any more on the nose than that? I mean, "Maple the Moose" sounds like a joke, and the Eagle being named "Clutch" feels lame, unless they did that to honor the rock band Clutch, in which case, sweet.

The designs aren't bad, but I just think there were so many missed opportunities for cool mascots.

So, let's spitball a few, and maybe we can give one of these three the Ugly Sonic treatment, and one of my much cooler mascots will be blasting a t-shirt cannon at Portuguese fans next summer.

A Beluga whale named "Bill Luga." We're off to a hot start. (Getty Images)

Canada

Let's start with our neighbors to the North. Maple the Moose isn't horrible, but the thought process was too simple. There's a maple leaf on the flag, and they have moose.

Wow, don't hurt yourself thinking that hard.

I've got some alternatives.

• Bill Luga: Beluga whales are pretty badass, and they live where it's cold, so I assume Canada has them. The name is pretty awesome too, if I may say so myself. I'm not really sure how a whale would walk around, what with it having fins instead of feet, but it's not my job to solve that problem. I'm the idea guy.
• Wynona The Big Brown Beaver: Sure, I named this one after a Primus song, but beavers are big in Canada, and the double-entendre is sure to get some chuckles out of drunken soccer hooligans. Seems to me like everybody wins.
• Captain Poutine: Next to Rush and hockey, poutine is Canada's greatest export. French fries with cheese curds and gravy on top. It's easily one of the world's greatest fry-based dishes. I'm thinking Captain Poutine is a superhero who protects poutine or shoots it out of his eyes or whatever. Again, I'm the idea guy.

Bring back the Taco Bell Chihuahua… or one that looks like it. The original passed away 16-years-ago. Sad. (Photo by Vern Evans/Getty Images)

Mexico

I thought Mexico had the least-lazy mascot, but that's like being named Prom King when you're home-schooled and an only child.

Here are some better ideas.

• Curt The Coati Who Accidentally Drank Tap Water At His Resort: I went to Mexico once, and I was fascinated by coatis. They look like raccoons, but stretched out so they have long noses and tails. So, this mascot would be an anthropomorphic coati named Curt, who accidentally forgot to order his drink at his all-inclusive resort without ice and is now dealing with a horrible intestinal issue. I figure this is like a "pulled from the headlines" kind of mascot. Maybe we could even have something rigged up so when Mexico scores, he sprays the crowd… scratch that, bad idea.
• Quetzalcōātl: It's an ancient Aztec god that is a snake with feathers. That's just cool. Enough said.
• The Taco Bell Chihuahua: The World Cup has sponsors everywhere, so why not the mascot? And, to that point, why not bring back one of history's greatest spokesdogs, the Taco Bell Chihuahua? They could have Taco Bell pay to make it happen, and I bet they would. People would be so fired up to see him "Yo quiero Taco Bell"-ing for the first time in decades.

Why does everything need its own mascot when we have some good ones already who don't have any summer plans.  (Photo by Len Redkoles/NHLI via Getty Images)

USA

• Gritty: Why do we need a new mascot for everything? Why not just bring in the best of the best and get Philadelphia Flyers mascot Gritty to handle American mascot duties? I can't think of a reason, plus the NHL season isn't happening during the World Cup, so Gritty has an open schedule.
• The Rizzler: Does anything say "America" more than some chubby kid who is famous for reasons I don't fully understand? No, no, there is not. Just give that li'l fella some Pixie Sticks and Mountain Dew and turn him loose on the pitch to dance or touch his face or whatever it is he does.
• A Condused American Football Player: This might be my favorite option: it's just a guy in football gear. American football gear. The joke being that he heard about this big "football" tournament and showed up, not knowing that in this instance, the football meant soccer. Brilliant? Yes. Meta? Also yes. Funny? Kind of, but it's better than what the World Cup has now.

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Got an idea for a better World Cup mascot? I want to hear it. Email me at matthew.reigle@outkick.com or hit me up on X, @matt_reigle.