Addiction Is A Disease, Not A Failure: I Lost My Brother Despite Helping Him In His Fight | Trey Wallace

Writer's note: This is a personal story about loss, mental health and helping those we love to fight the battle of addiction and stigmas. 

This wasn't a battle that he couldn't win, it was a fight that millions of people of all walks of life struggle with on a daily basis. 

The crazy part about mental health battles and addiction is that, a lot of the time, you're fighting alone on the inside, no matter the support system on the outside that's trying to get you close enough to the finish line, being there as a support system.

Last month, I lost a brother, which ran deeper than blood, to a 12-round fight with a disease that had a stranglehold grip that was never letting go. The signs of overcoming the fight were there, plenty of times. For all the good that came with his life, alcohol would play a massive part in his death, which affects millions every single day. 

If you are fighting addiction, or mental health issues, please reach out to the Substance Abuse and Alcohol Hotline at (844) 289-0879. 

The night I received the news, it came across like a hurricane making landfall along our hometown Gulf Coast town of Mobile, Alabama. Sitting inside the College Football Playoff national championship game media room in Miami alongside colleagues, a number popped up on my phone that I did not have saved, though it wasn't ‘unknown’ because of previous interactions, I guess. 

Honestly, most of the time I would just ignore it, then delete whatever voicemail was left by a spam call. This time, at 8:47 p.m. ET, I picked up while in the middle of a spirited conversation about the transfer portal. 

"Hey Trey, Chris has died," the caller relayed. 

I wasn't comprehending what I was hearing, naturally. It wasn't until I questioned it, then the shock set in that left me mumbling and walking in a daze. How could this happen, when we tried so hard and he had shown signs of improvement from time to time? 

Freshman year High School Dance, Chris was always behind on growing the facial hair. 

I knew the immediate calls were to my best friends, Hayden and Ken. I had to get them on the phone, just for the ability to actually comprehend what was actually going on at that moment. 

Chris left behind a wife, two beautiful kids, a plethora of family and friends who cared. But this disease doesn't worry about the outcome, it's only present for the shortcomings. 

Between the actual call and the next morning was the chaos of countless, scrambling phone calls made to family and friends, letting them know what had transpired. That was one of the hardest parts of dealing with the circumstances surrounding the actual ‘why’. 

"Life doesn't warn you when something is happening for the last time."

The outreach I received from colleagues that were in town to cover the national championship game between Indiana and Miami was humbling. I know some of you might think we're all just battling each other for stories, or the latest news regarding a playoff format, but over those three additional days, I felt comfort from plenty of people who were just checking in. 

There is something beautiful in how we rally for others, which I'm grateful for, and they know it. At the moments we find ourselves the most vulnerable, it's amazing to see the light some people bring into our lives. For that, I thank you, and you know who you are. 

Chris, with his beautiful daughter Lola in Santa Barbara. A loving father, who leaves behind two wonderful kids and a wife. 

Looking Back, Not Much Else We Could've Done. This Is A Disease

There is this stigma across the country that asking for help is some sort of shot to your persona, or a weakness showing your vulnerabilities that you try to keep buried deep inside your own pain. 

Let me tell you something: There is nothing wrong with asking for help, no matter the circumstances. 

When my boy was at his darkest moments, which came at the same time as my father was in his first battle with cancer, I knew that being present would mean he knew that he was not fighting this alone. Alcohol is not something you just kick by going cold turkey. 

I've seen what this addiction does to people, but I was thankful he asked us for help. Did it help when I started making phone calls to get him into a rehab center the night before Thanksgiving? I would like to think so. He came out in a much better mindset than when he entered, ready to attack his addiction. 

And, if you've been in this spot, a good amount of the time, you're going to be back in that spot, asking for help once again if you don't let pride get in the way. So, five months later, we were helping him get back into a facility that could once again try to help fight this disease that has led to demoralizing moments for so many. 

It didn’t take long for us to get into trouble, even on school trips. Here's Chris (white coat) with a couple of friends.

But, even though we spent months, and years, trying to help, there's only so much you can do if the person battling addiction can't seem to veer away from the path that is causing them so much pain. 

I want to tell you, for whomever is reading this, don't give up on trying to help. But, make sure you take care of your own mental health during these trying times, too. 

Some might understand this, and some might not. But, all you can do is show up, which is easier said than done. It's OK to take a step back, and put some distance between yourself and those who are fighting. Even though you might want to act as though you're Superman, and can fix the problem for them, that's not reality. 

It's wishful thinking. But, that doesn't take away your will to keep fighting, even if those you love are throwing their last punches in this fight. 

Our group of best friends from left to right: Hayden, Trey, Ben, Chris and Ken.

Moving Forward Is A Process. But, The Fight Doesn’t Stop

I don't know what the immediate future looks like, as I don't think the shock has actually worn off enough to fully grieve the moment. I know my best friends Hayden and Ken are still battling all this, along with so many family members that loved him dearly. 

I found myself wondering how I was going to put on a face and cover a title game in Miami, thousands of miles away from family, while spending a lot of time in a hotel room with my thoughts. I would imagine a lot of you who have, or are currently, experiencing this feel the same way about waking up every morning and attacking the day. 

The sense of loss is strong, and obviously overwhelming. Give yourself time to grieve and reflect on the good times experienced. Remember, there was a time when the disease was not part of their lives, and those moments are the ones we can look back on to cherish. 

As I walked around the field inside Hard Rock Stadium, confetti falling from the sky as Indiana celebrated a national title, I felt a sense of calm coming over my mind. I didn’t finish the job for work, I finished it for myself and Chris. I was proud of what we accomplished, thanks in large part to my boss, editors, and colleague Chuck, who was by my side, or my best friends, who continued to check in with me throughout the weekend. 

How do we move on? I have no idea, but I'm going to try. The same way, those reading this are battling some type of issues throughout their everyday lives. 

I won't have the opportunity to FaceTime him from the game I'm at anymore. I can't respond to his messages about which team to take on a Saturday afternoon. But, I cherish the memories that came with us being each other's biggest fans, no matter where we were at in life. 

If there's one thing I hope you take away from this, it centers around our attitude towards asking for help. 

Don't let the outside world, or social media, dictate how you choose to live your life. 

I'm going to step aside for a bit, work on making sure I grieve, while also remembering the great 36 years I had with my brother. I hope at least one person finds this message helpful, and if you're struggling, don't ever hesitate to reach out, no matter what you're battling. 

Be blessed, and thank you for joining me on this journey. I pray you all find peace in whatever battle you're facing.

If you are fighting addiction, or mental health issues, please reach out to the Substance Abuse and Alcohol Hotline at (844) 289-0879.