Sex Crazed Thai Monkeys Overrun City, Eat Themselves To Death On Junk Food

I know I’m going to hear it in the comments, so I’ll just get this out of the way right out of the gate. Yes, this doesn’t have anything to do with sports, but Clay loves a good animal story so we try to feed Clay animal stories to keep things light around here. Today, that animal story is out of Thailand where sex-crazed monkeys are gorging themselves to death on junk food and overrunning Lopburi, Thailand, according to media reports.

Macaques numbering as high as 6,000 are on a rampage due to a lack of tourists who would feed the monkeys and keep them happy. Coronavirus has crippled the tourism industry and has left these monkeys taking drastic measures.

Police officer Nirad Pholngeun this week told the Deccan Herald that trying to disperse large groups of primates was “hopeless”.

The officer has been using a slingshot to scare away the large group of macaques but they return in a matter of minutes.

He said: “Within a blink of an eye there are more monkeys. So many babies.”

Kill the monkeys, you say? It’s a Buddhist culture. The Deccan Herald reports that would not fly so the locals are left to deal with the maniacs taking over at a dizzying pace. The government has resorted to sterilizing the macaques to hopefully provide relief to the citizens who are now prisoners of monkey gangs who’ve taken over.

So before you complain about the squirrels taking over your backyard bird feeders or groundhogs digging under your house, remember it could be worse. You could have the Thai monkeys crushing sugary drinks to fuel their sex lives.

Count your blessings.