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It’s even better than I could have imagined and all I’ve had from it is half a cookie
The pimento cheese hasn’t even hit my lips and I’m already calling this the most perfect box of food you can buy off the Internet. The Taste of the Masters concession stand shipment arrived Thursday just as Tiger Woods was finishing up No. 12 and heading to the new No. 13 tee box.
I opened the front door and it was like spring had officially sprung. The birds sang. Time stood still. Bags of chips with Masters logos had arrived. The Masters cookies I’ve heard so much about were in the box. The Masters drink cups that will be a hit this Patio SZN were stacked up. The coasters I’ll use proudly were stacked about 25-30 deep.
Look, as I told my mother who started in on the price of such a purchase, if I can’t get to The Masters, at least I can eat with my buddies after a round of golf like we’re at The Masters. So tomorrow we’ll play one of the tracks around here in the morning and then have an afternoon lunch fiesta at the house while hopefully watching Tiger make an incredible comeback to catch the pack in the rain.
• Duncan N. writes about the pimento cheese:
Have you ever heard about this? My wife is best friends with Ted Godfrey’s daughter, she said she’ll tell me the secret ingredient someday. I almost don’t want to know!
No way, don’t tell me the secret recipe! I haven’t even busted open the tub of pimento cheese they sent. At least let me enjoy a few ounces before telling me what’s in it.
The benefit of working at The Masters
Remember Anonymous #1 who took a paying job at The Masters so he could actually get inside the gates for the first time in his life? Look at how his day of work went during the first round.
I’m starting to think I might just have to become a Masters employee in 2024 just to see this machine in action.
• Anonymous #1 writes:
Anonymous #1 aka the beer-pouring guy checking in from Augusta. It started to get real today with the first round starting. The weather was warm and the cold beer was flowing. Sales were non stop from about 9:30 to just about closing time at 5pm. The weather forecast for this weekend is not looking good. Can you remember the last time the Masters had to finish on a Monday? Right, nobody can. I am told they will do everything humanly possible to finish by Sunday evening. Which, btw, if Tiger makes the cut, the inclement weather could work against him physically.
The day got off to a great start. We always get there around 6:30 about an hour or so before the sun comes up. There are thousands of employees, volunteers, security and maintenance workers making their way to their respective jobs in the dark with the sound of lawnmowers roaring in the distance. Then as I cross 7 fairway today, here they come. 6 Toro riding mowers with headlights on in a staggered formation coming over the crest of the hill in the fairway with a full moon in the background. It gave me chills. If there is ever a church of the TNML, they should be the choir. It was a picture I wish anonymous #2 was there to take. Then, to top it off after a quick team meeting. You grab a cup of coffee and go watch the sunrise behind 13 green and wait to hear the birds chirping and try to figure out if they are real or piped in. By now, I’m amped and ready to go. Bring on those thirsty patrons.
Despite the busy day, I was able to see more golfers than any practice day. I got to follow the last 3 groups from 13 green on in. That was the Scheffler, McIlroy and Speith groups. Not a bad way to finish off your day walking the back 9 with those groups.
One more item that seems unique to me about the Masters is the daily pairing sheet. Most of the PGA events I’ve ever been to have the glossy little booklets with the pairing sheet in the center surrounded by ads and diagrams and facts about each hole. Not here. They keep it simple. One sheet of paper with a course map on one side and the tee times, and players in the group on the other (see picture). As Sargent Joe Friday would say, “just the facts ma’am”.
Read those bold sentences again. Anonymous’ day of work ended and then he’s free to walk the grounds. Then he proceeds to walk six holes with the final group AND HE GOT PAID FOR A DAY OF WORK pouring beers.
PLUS, they paid him a lunch stipend to eat the food I paid for to be shipped to Ohio.
This working The Masters thing is sounding better by the day.
The Masters Practice Round Experience
• Jeff in Atlanta writes:
I’ve been a Thursday night mower for a few years now, and when I came across the TNML about a year ago, I have been hooked ever since. I really enjoy the Screencaps community you have built.
I know you are probably being inundated with emails regarding The Masters, but thought I’d chip in with my personal experience after attending the Tuesday practice round. I can sum up the experience with just a few words …. excellence personified. Everything at Augusta National is “purposeful” and exceeds already lofty expectations. Everything has a system and a “reason” and is executed perfectly.
There are some things I noticed at the event which are hard to describe unless you see it firsthand. First and foremost, the way everybody (and I mean 100% of the attendees) treat that place with such deep reverence and respect, it’s like nothing I’ve ever seen before.
And a few additional takeaways:
– No cell phones allowed –
I went with some college friends and we thoroughly enjoyed doing it “old-school” like before cell phones. If you were going to the bathroom and the three others were going to get a beer, you had to designate a spot to meet up. And you’d better be there at the agreed-upon time. There is no, “I’ll text you later.”
Also, with no cell phones, everybody there was “present.” It was great to be in a no cell phone environment where everybody is interacting and watching the action….. and not buried in their phones.
– Respect for greatness –
As I was standing in line about to spend a couple of hundred bucks on Masters gear, I found myself in front of two middle-aged guys from what I think is probably The Netherlands. To listen to their conversation was just so joyful. Their excitement was contagious. They were soaking in every moment and talking with such reverence for Augusta National. It was awesome to hear.
– Miscellaneous –
We witnessed a marriage proposal near the tee boxes at 12. Dude got down on his knee and she said “yes.” The crowd cheered and two of the players came over to take pics with the happy couple. I think one of the players was Rahm and the other Sergio, but don’t quote me on that.
– Food & Beverage –
When it was my turn to get the next round for my crew I bought four beers and a sandwich for $20. The food is excellent and you can’t beat that price.
Thanks for listening. Also, a few random pics from the day are attached.
A Scott Van Pelt feature for those who watch ESPN for live sports and SVP
I’ve always felt like Scott is a TNML-kinda guy when he’s not covering a major championship.
Thank you to those who sent the Hut hat
Where exactly are you wearing that besides Coachella, Lollapalooza & to some EDM Miami pool party?
What’s up with the Deion Sanders coverage?
• Danny H. writes:
Hey Joe, love what you are doing with screencaps! I have a question for you, Does Deion Sanders have part ownership in Outkick or why the hell do we need to have at least one article per day about him?
- From everything I know, Fox News Corp. owns 100% of OutKick.
- Here’s what we figured out about Deion — people WANT Deion coverage.
- How do we know? Because people CLICK THE S–T out of Deion coverage.
- How do we know? Because we can see traffic reports and the proof is in the Google Analytics reports.
- Why are there so many Paige Spiranac headlines? Because people SEARCH her name like you wouldn’t believe. Yes, they still search her name even though she’s beyond played out.
- So I started brainstorming headlines like The Paige Spiranac of Nursing, Paige Spiranac Clone, The Paige Spiranac of Tennis, etc. to see if they’d work. Yep, they worked.
- Wait, isn’t that clickbait? You’re damn right that’s clickbait and clickbait to a certain extent keeps my ass employed, so you’re damn right I’m going to deploy it.
- Remember, I’m not trying to work for the New York Times. I belong to the Internet streets.
- Wait, you’re clickbaiting me? I have news for you, the Internet was created for clickbait. Were you using the Internet in 1994-95? I remember seeing the Internet for the first time at my buddy’s house and it being a bunch of shopping sites trying to get consumers to buy stuff. Clickbait links.
- Now, if you don’t want to see the Paige Spiranac of Nursing, don’t click!
- I hate clickbait! Then mass communication isn’t for you. Did you grab a newspaper at a gas station 30 years ago and buy it based on a headline? That was clickbait. Have you ever gone to a “Going Out Of Business” sale because you saw an ad on TV? That was clickbait. Have you ever purchased a Playboy because Pam Anderson was on it and you needed to see Pam’s latest work? Playboy covers were clickbait.
- Remember how Maxim would have 30 teaser clickbait headlines on its magazine covers? Screencaps clickbait headlines are based off Maxim covers, minus 27 of those headlines.
- Anheuser-Busch pretending it cares about farmers via its Busch Light corn cans is marketing clickbait. Bait is everywhere. As a consumer, you have to decide which bait you’re willing to latch onto.
- 10-cent Thirsty Thursday headlines on posters at college bars was clickbait.
- As a writer, I need to determine in my head which bait you and the boys will be talking about in your group texts. If I can pump out 3-4 posts that have a possibility of being a group text topic, then it was a successful day. I’m not here to save the world from its ills — except when it comes to dudes with dongs stealing national championships from biological females. I’ll die on that hill.
- TNML IS NOT BAIT. Yes, it’s a genius marketing move on my part, but I actually live the TNML life. I love the TNML life.
Danny adds: “P.S. F–k Bud light and Nike.”
See, Danny’s not falling for their clickbait. That’s also algorithm bait. These two brands want to reach the 21 to 30 demo, so they’re using the dude with a dong to reach the TikTok weirdos. That’s the play here.
That’s it for Friday.
Enjoy your time with family this weekend. Enjoy the golf. Enjoy the fresh air. I know it’s been a crazy week on the Internet, but we made it. I still have one more Screencaps to go before crushing drives 210 straight down the fairway, but after that, I’m going to suck down the freshest of fresh air.
2 CommentsLeave a Reply
Brilliant clickbait explanation Joe, you earned a brew!
Brooke Burke on a Bud / Bud Light poster. They were definitely doing things right in 2000. Somehow, someway, we’ve got to try to get that world back.