Quidditch Will Be Renamed Due to J.K. Rowling’s ‘Anti-Trans Positions’

In one of the more absurd stories of the year, the “sport” of quidditch is being renamed to avoid any connection with its inventor, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling.

Apparently, quidditch is not just a made up game in a series of children’s novels with extremely questionable rules and a bizarre scoring system. Somehow, it seems to be a real world sport played by ostensibly grown adults.

Quidditch, remarkably, is so popular that not only are there over 40 leagues, there’s an “International Quidditch Association” that covers nearly 600 teams across the world.

Incredibly, players use fake “broomsticks” between their legs while running up and down the field, trying to get the quaffle through the opposing hoop.

As embarrassing as this is, it’s significantly more embarrassing that this sport, which is indelibly connected to its creator, is now being rebranded to distance itself from Rowling’s statements on gender identity.

In a bewildering turn of events, quidditch will now be referred to as “quadball.”

MILAN, ITALY – SEPTEMBER 08: People practice quidditch during a boot camp organised by the Italian National Quidditch Team at Parco di Trenno on September 8, 2018 in Milan, Italy. Quidditch is a contact sport based on a fictional game played by Hogwarts students in J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter novels. Two teams of seven mixed-gender players sitting astride broomsticks compete on a hockey rink-sized pitch, trying to advance the quaffle (a deflated volleyball) to one of three opposing hoops. (Photo by Emanuele Cremaschi/Getty Images)

In case there’s any doubt that this decision was politically motivated, the report specifically details that Rowling’s common sense positions on trans issues were the major contributing factor:

“The global body said one of the main reasons for the name change was that Rowling “has increasingly come under scrutiny for her anti-trans positions.” It listed LGBTQ advocacy groups that had criticized the writer, as well as lead actors who appeared in the hugely popular Harry Potter movies and who were also critical of her views.”

Rowling’s “anti-trans positions” consist of expressing concern that biological sex is being “erased,” and that the “gender identity movement” has destructive, far reaching consequences for women:

“Like many women on the left, I despair that so many self-proclaimed liberals turn a blind eye to the naked misogyny of the gender identity movement and the threat it poses to the rights of women and girls.”

Rowling has repeatedly and forcefully spoken out against the transgender lobby pushing to include biological men in women’s sports or other areas traditionally reserved for women.

These are common sense positions that have been universally accepted without controversy until approximately five minutes ago when woke activists decided that women competing against women was “anti-trans.”

QuidditchUK beautifully summarizes the absurdity of modern virtue signaling with their statement of support for the “trans or non-binary communities:”

“The sport is ‘unique as the only full-contact, mixed-gender sport in the world, especially to those who identify with the trans or non-binary communities,’ QuidditchUK says on its website. ‘We celebrate that inclusion of those from the LGBTQ+ communities, and greatly encourage anyone from any background to take part in our sport.'”

It’s not enough to simply and quietly include trans competitors, they must publicly declare their allegiance to the greater LGBTQ+ movement by distancing the sport from Rowling.

Rowling has been responsible for the success of tens of thousands of people through the Harry Potter franchise. Many in book publishing, theme parks, film industry and the merchandise world owe their livelihoods to her creation.

Instead of being celebrated for her accomplishments, Rowling is immediately discarded at the first opportunity for the unforgivable crime of wrongthink.

While she’s openly supportive of many left wing causes, that’s simply not enough in today’s world. One must maintain strict woke ideological purity or be abandoned and denounced.

As ridiculous as “quidditch” is in the real world, it’s even more ridiculous that the sport proudly announced that it’s renaming itself to appease progressive activists.

Written by Ian Miller

Ian Miller is a former award watching high school actor, ice cream expert and long suffering Dodgers fan. He spends most of his time golfing, eating as much pizza as humanly possible, reading about World War I history, and trying to get the remote back from his dog. Follow him on Twitter.

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