Pete Alonso Says He Hit First Pitch Homer Because He Needed To Poop

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New York Mets first baseman Pete Alonso says that there was a reason he hit a first-pitch homer a couple of weeks ago: because he had to take a dump.

Alonso revealed that his homer in the Mets’ May 10 win over the Reds was the byproduct of desperation.

Desperation in finding a bathroom after he mistimed his pre-game coffee.

Alonso said he knew something was amiss while doing his sprints before the game. Then, before his at-bat to lead off the second inning, things became desperate.

“I said, ‘I don’t care where this pitch is, this at-bat is ending first pitch because I need to go,” Alonso said on the Foul Territory podcast. “Then, first pitch I get a hanging slider and then I deposit it in the seats and I as soon as I touch home plate it was like it’s straight to the bathroom.

“No high fives; straight to the bathroom.”

We all know how awful the feeling is when nature calls right as you’re about to give a presentation or board a flight. Imagine, gurgling away as you’re about to step into the box for a Big League at-bat.


Alonso said that the intestinal situation was so dire, that had he wound up on base, he probably would’ve tried to get picked off.

But he didn’t, he stayed in there and hit a round-tripper before amscraying to the clubhouse johns. What an inspiration to those with finicky bowels everywhere,

I think I might go out and buy a Pete Alonso jersey…

Pete Alonso
New York Mets first baseman Pete Alonso leads the Majors in First Pitch Homers hit while trying to keep from crapping one’s pants. (Photo by Christopher Pasatieri/Getty Images)

A Lesser Man Could Not Have Done What Pete Alonso Did

I will say, if the need to rip a deuce allows Pete Alonso to hit dingers at will, then he needs to mistime his coffee intake more often. Hell, considering that homer helped the Mets win 2-1, Buck Showalter should be trying to talk him into mixing a little Ex-Lax in there too.

Alonso’s ability to even function in that situation is commendable as well. I wouldn’t have been able to focus at all. I’d be sitting in the dugout with a thousand-yard stare while my walk-up music (which coincidentally would be “My Name Is Mud” by Primus) blared through the stadium PA system.

I would need a pinch hitter. It wouldn’t matter what inning it we were in or how hot my bat was, if there was something even hotter in my lower intestine, I would need to excuse myself to the bowels of the stadium where I could safely and quietly take care of things.

Not Pete Alonso. That dude took a Hunter Greene hanging slider yard, rounded the bases, then stiff-legged it into the clubhouse.

I don’t throw this word around lightly, but Pete Alonso is a hero. He’s an inspiration to all who have had their morning coffee turn on them.

Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle

Written by Matt Reigle

Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.

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