An Otter In California Is Stealing Surfers’ Boards, Bruh, And She’s A Menace To Society… At Least Surfing Society

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Surfers at a California beach are dealing with a hazard they probably didn’t expect when they paddled out into the ocean: an otter with a kleptomaniacal streak.

And she likes to steal surfboards.

According to NPR, Steamer Lane — which 100% sounds like some kind of surf jargon — is located in Santa Cruz and it’s a hotspot for surfers. Why? I don’t know. I’m going to assume it has semi-large waves and a decent fish taco place within a short walking distance.

However, it’s not just surfers Sex Waxing their longboards, bruh, who frequent the beach. There’s also a 5-year-old female sea otter.

She’s not the kind that floats around on her back and spends all day cracking open clams. Nope, she has a habit of mugging surfers and taking their boards like she’s stealing their lunch money.

While there haven’t been any reports of injuries, the US Fish And Wildlife Service issued a warning.

“While there have been no confirmed reports of injury, due to the highly unusual behavior of this otter, kayakers, surfers, and others recreating in the area should not approach the otter or encourage the otter’s interactions,”

Bruh, if even kayakers aren’t safe…

I don’t know what one is supposed to do in this situation. You can’t fight back. Hitting an animal is never cool, and in this case, you’d be hitting a girl too, so that’s extra not cool.

All I can think to do is reason with her, but that doesn’t seem like it would work either.

In a situation like that, it’s best to just let her have the surfboard. If she tries to take your Puka shell necklace and car keys then it’s probably best to just give those up too.

You can always get a new board and puka shells at the nearest Ron Jon Surf Shop or whatever the west coast facsimile of a Ron Jon Surf Shop happens to be.

Gear can be replaced. It’s much harder to rebuild a reputation after becoming “That Dude Who Punched The Otter That One Time.”

Follow on Twitter: @Matt_Reigle

Written by Matt Reigle

Matt is a University of Central Florida graduate and a long-suffering Philadelphia Flyers fan living in Orlando, Florida. He can usually be heard playing guitar, shoe-horning obscure quotes from The Simpsons into conversations, or giving dissertations to captive audiences on why Iron Maiden is the greatest band of all time.

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