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The football gods must’ve told Mrs. Screencaps to check the box at the front door

Less than 24 hours after I wrote about the fan jacked up on LSD, cocaine, booze, and weed who covered himself in crap, got naked, and jumped into a 30-foot pit at the new Bills Stadium construction site, Mrs. Screencaps tells me there’s a box for me that has been by the front door that I haven’t checked.

Weird, I didn’t buy anything.

I grab the box and see Labatt USA on the mailing label.

I’ll be damned if it wasn’t a Bills Mafia gift set the great people at Labatt told me to keep an eye out for like six weeks ago. Hannah at Labatt has sent me Bills-themed gear for what feels like a decade and this year it just happened that this box was discovered hours after one of the most incredible stories in Bills Mafia history ended up in the news.

I’m not going to say it was meant to be, but it was meant to be.

Now it’s time for this box to be shipped off to one of you. I want a Bills fan to test the Throwback Tea and report back. Who wants it? Bills-fans only. Don’t be a scumbag and fake your allegiance. I will check past emails to see which team you root for.

Ed. note: This was #notsponsored. Labatt has sent stuff for years just for the hell of it. Sometimes I do content around the shipments, sometimes I don’t.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Do you know how loaded you have to be on the Au Sable River to get lost for 10 hours when it sounds like a highway is approximately 20 yards away?

As someone who has had a few beers on this river in Michigan, let me just say it’s very, very hard to get lost and end up wandering around for 10 hours unless you’re blacked out. Did these women even hear the car noises? Hey ladies, please email me to explain how this happened in full detail. What were you drinking?

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

Did you hear the wokes are trying to force the sale of organic hens at Oktoberfest?

The wokes won’t rest until they ruin the world. This month, they turned their attention to the chickens served at Oktoberfest in Munich.

Don’t click on that link and scroll to the bottom where the wokes hint at attacking the beer being served at Oktoberfest. I warned you.

Respecting Summer

• Hunter writes from Santa Rosa on 30A:

Just over here respecting the heck out of the end of summer. I want to argue the Oktoberfest angle as they’re my favorite “style” of beer but I’m too busy enjoying the end of a glorious summer that is leaving all too quickly. Thanks for starting the movement!

Scumbag behavior or a sign of how popular the league has gotten?

• Tim in Memphis writes:

Someone stole the Thursday Night Mowing League sticker off the back of my Bronco.  What kind of world are we living in?  Bunch of savages out there………

Name four athletes from the same city with great character playing in four major sports at the same time

Monday, John in Milford, MI challenged readers to come up with four athletes who dominated at the same time in all four major sports like his beloved Detroit athletes — Joe Dumars, Alan Trammell, Barry Sanders and Steve Yzerman — did in the late 80s to 1990s.

It didn’t take long before the inbox lit up.

• Scott writes:

Joe, I’d like to put the following HOF’s from Chicago against John for Milford’s Detroit HOF’s:

Dick Butkus (da Bears) 1965-1971

Ernie Banks ( Cubs) 1953-1971

Bobby Hull (Blackhawks) 1957-1972

Chet Walker (Bulls) 1969-1975

• John L. took the challenge:

This is an easy one!  For New York City in 1964:

Baseball – Whitey Ford

Basketball – Willis Reed

Football – Frank Gifford

Ice Hockey – Rod Gilbert

All high-character HOFers.  C’mon man.  I’m sure there are at least of dozen of these for the Big Apple.

• Mike N. wanted in on this one:

Picked a Cub and Sox for good measure… Emoji

Michael Jordan     84-98 

Walter Payton       75-87 (or any of the 85 Bears)

Bo Jackson           86-94 

Dennis Savard      80-90

Ryan Sandberg     82-94

All HOF except for Bo… But he was too fun to watch to not include him…

1960s also OK, but too young to see them play…

Stan Mikita       59-80

Dick Butkus      65-73

Ernie Banks      53-71

Jerry Sloan       66-76

• Keith W. defends his position pretty well:

To John in Milford’s request: Interesting topic – I do not believe there will be any other City that can match his criteria of HOFers all playing at the same time, being great teammates and people, and playing in one City their whole career.  But Phoenix Sports had a time in the early 2010s with top athletes playing that were universally respected.  

Larry Fitzgerald

Steve Nash

Paul Goldschmidt

Shane Doan

Fitz is a HOFer and played for the Cardinals only.  Nash played 10 of his 18 years in Phoenix including winning 2 MVPs.  Goldy had a great run and should’ve stayed with the D-backs forever if not for cheap ownership issues (and he’s an outside HOFer and a great upstanding citizen).  Shane Doan is likely not a HOFer and is the least known, but will forever be Captain Coyote playing all 21 years for a horrific franchise, and he is an absolute first-class person and a great teammate/tough competitor.  

• Julio writes:

In the late 90s Dallas had:

Mike Modano (Stars)

Dirk Nowitzki (Mavericks)

Michael Young (Rangers)

Troy Aikman (Cowboys)

‘Shouldn’t the Oscars be gender diverse?’

• Matt in Charlotte writes:

Can’t recall when I last watched the Oscars. Recently saw an Outkick article about going to gender neutral categories like “best performer.”

Would be so much more entertaining if they went the opposite direction and became increasingly gender diverse—- Best actor, best actress, best gay performer, best bi performer, best questioning performer, best trans performer, best cartoon performer, best animal performer, etc.

More awards than pee wee soccer!

I would think there would be a woke argument to increase the number of awards given, to the point that we could water it down so much that we effectively remove this event from our American landscape. Let’s honor everyone.

The art of the school fundraiser

• Anonymous writes:

I have been reading with interest your take on the fundraisers for the schools. Earlier in my career, I was an elementary principal, and I absolutely hated the things. However, I tolerated them because they raised a lot of money for the parent organization and they did a lot of good things for the school.

I have many thoughts about fundraisers and getting kids excited to earn junk that would break 10 minutes after they got it, but I will say this, the kids who were the biggest sellers for the fundraisers weren’t the ones who were out there hustling.

Invariably, it would come down to whichever parent worked at the largest organization. This is because the mom or dad would leave the order sheet in the break room and their coworkers would order stuff a bunch of stuff to help the kid and the school. Basically, whichever kid’s parent worked at the auto plant usually won.

I also remember one year when the prize was a limousine ride to the local bowling alley for bowling and a pizza party. I got into the limousine with the kids who won and could tell immediately from the smell that it had not been cleaned out since prom or whatever the last event it was used for. It smelled like ass and booze, with a nice undercurrent of vomit.

Let’s just say I found my own way back to the school. It was disgusting.

Have a great week!

Not Respecting Summer

• Jeremy C. in Florida writes:

Proud member of  TNML here. Love the screencaps column and community. You are killing it! In regard to pumpkins being out and displayed before September 23rd, what is your ruling if the pumpkins are displaying your favorite college teams?



It’s clearly indicating nostalgia for fall. It starts with college football pumpkins and the next minute you’re putting out Halloween crap in mid-September. Stop and think about it, Jeremy. Where does it end?

These marketing pros will have you suckin’ down pumpkin beers in mid-August if you’re not careful.

I’ve tried to warn you guys. It’s coming. They’re suckin’ out your testosterone by the day. Frank Thomas tried to tell you at 3 a.m. but you weren’t listening either.

That’s it for today. Counting this beautiful sunny day with the birds chirping their sweet hearts out, there are four more days until it all comes crashing down. Soak up what’s remaining of the good times we’ve all had this summer.

Embrace the final 96 hours. Test yourself. Can you come up with an end-of-summer margarita that leaves the suburban housewives stunned this Friday night as you throw the final summer patio bash?

Take care. Let’s have a strong day out there.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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