No Bone Zone: World Cup Will Be A Sex-Free Event For Singles, Qatar Leaders Warn

Were you planning on going to Qatar to have wild sex with other singles — or married couples — from around the world who are down for a good time? The stuffy leaders of that conservative country are warning there will be no premarital sex going on and if they catch you boning, you could face up to seven years in prison, according to a Daily Star report.

“Sex is very much off the menu, unless you are coming as a husband and wife team. There definitely will be no one-night stands at this tournament,” a police source told the tabloid.

“There will be no partying at all really. Everyone needs to keep their heads about them, unless they want to risk ­being stuck in prison.

“There is essentially a sex ban in place at this year’s World Cup for the first time ever. Fans need to be prepared.”

According to a report, Qatar’s leaders have banned single fans from having sex during the World Cup / Getty Images

This begs the question, how will Qatar stop singles from banging? Will they be spying on every hotel corridor, every single room? Will there be a special boning Supreme Court that will be charged with figuring out whether crazy Brazilian IG models were shacking up with German fans?

Is there a bone police unit that goes around knocking on doors and asking to see IDs?

The Qatar Supreme Committee, who seems to come up with these ridiculous rules, is on record saying, “Qatar is a ­conservative country and public ­displays of affection are frowned upon ­regardless of sexual orientation.”

Oh, and no partying.

Look, this is all bluster.

Yes, there’s alcohol in Qatar. You can get loaded. Sure, there are drunk and disorderly rules that can probably lead to these weirdos chopping off heads, but are they really going to chop off the heads of thousands of Colombians? Do you think the drug lords would let that happen?

Can you drink in Qatar?

Qatar’s acting all big and bad right now to puff out their chests to play the holy roller card, but when push comes to shove they’re going to be busy partying their own asses off to sit there and make sure there’s no premarital boning at the Marriott Marquis in Doha.

Bone away.

Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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