Alabama Man Found Sleeping In Press Box Among A Pile Of Chicken Fingers, Chips, Candy & Meth

PublishedSeptember 27, 2021 5:59 PM EDT|UpdatedSeptember 27, 2021 5:59 PM EDT

Nothing gets the blue checkmarks on Twitter fired up like some meth-head treading on their turf without an official credential to enter the press box, especially when he's bogarting all the chicken fingers.

There's being down and out at the game of life and then there's being caught sleeping in a press box surrounded by piles of chicken wings, chips, candy and METH! That's exactly how the Pleasant Grove, Alabama Police Department found 37-year-old Matthew Williamson after he went on a meth'd up bender.

"The Pleasant Grove Department of Public Safety says 37-year-old Matthew Williamson was charged September 17th with Unlawful Breaking and Entering a Vehicle and Theft of Property," ABC 33/40 reported. "He was transported to the Jefferson County Jail. According to a news release, less than two hours after Williamson made bond he stole a car in Hueytown and hid it in Pleasant Grove. On September 22 there was a report of an unknown person breaking into the concession stand at the Pleasant Grove Athletic Complex."

Matthew Williamson / Pleasant Grove Department

Now imagine what's going through the heads of the blue checkmarks while reading about Matt and his actions. You're damn right they're wondering how good the chicken fingers were that Matt cooked up while all blazed out of his mind on the ice.

You're damn right the blue checkmarks are gauging that food and candy spread versus press boxes they've been fraudulently working in the last few years. That's how the blue checkmarks roll -- everything is based on the (free) meal in that press box.

And you're damn right there are many media nerds out there who are jealous of Matt to be laying in a pile of tenders, chips, candy and meth. Look at those eyes -- this guy is pumping out 5,000 words on the dumbest sports topic possible just so he can brag about it to the Athletic subscribers.

I'd like to see a Big J-off between Matt and some Athletic nerd. First one to 15,000 words wins. My money is on the guy who smokes meth and steals cars. Get faster, Athletic nerds.