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It looks like the playoff committee is about to serve up MY Buckeyes to the Dawgs

Here’s how the conversation went this morning with the Dawgs fan in my text group.

I’ve seen blue checkmark experts claim the line will be 5.5. That would be absolutely laughable when Ohio State’s defense couldn’t stop a geriatric in a Hoveround® and the quarterback is petrified of running out of the pocket.

So I’m supposed to believe a one-dimensional Ohio State QB is going to beat Georgia when Georgia made Tennessee look like a MAC school? I’ve been alive long enough to know what SEC schools do to talented Ohio State teams.

Now, enough of looking ahead, let’s stop for a second to appreciate that Friday night game. I was down at a neighbor’s house having a couple of Rogue Supply Drop pack beers and it was so damn enjoyable to sit and watch that game action. One word: FUN.

And not because Ohio State will likely get served up on a platter to the Dawgs.

• John in SD writes:

Move over NFL and World Cup; there’s nothing better than college football! Friday night was amazing and one game changed the landscape of the CFB playoffs and Heisman trophy race (maybe). Go Buckeyes!

Kinsey:

Speaking of the Heisman, good luck to the voters. This might be the year to look at some defensive player…from Georgia.

• Bill in Chicago writes:

Thanks for being a good sport and allowing me the rant after the Michigan – Ohio State game.  I’ve had my one day gloat and am now over it.

However, I am irrationally concerned that my Wolverines might somehow shit the bed against Purdue on Saturday night (hello, Appalachian State game!).  If that happens you are well within your rights to publicly and mercilessly flay me in Screencaps on Monday.

Kinsey:

It feels like we still have one more upset to go because this is college football and you have enough games being played for something to happen. That said, how could it possibly change the Final Four? ESPN and the committee seem to have their teams and they avoid using a two-loss team.

That said, Michigan cannot possibly lose to Purdue, right?

Inflatables and bears

• Daniel in Fairbanks, Alaska writes:

Joe, it’s been a year since I wrote you about bears and inflatables. A year later and the bears still don’t like inflatable Christmas decorations. This video from Lake Tahoe, where the bears are not hibernating yet. Our Alaska bears are two months into a nap now, but I’m not taking any chances. No inflatables in our yard.

Rookies in Mazomanie, WI has a Wiffle ball field & sounds like the Americana I’ve been looking for

Have you ever wanted to rent a Wiffle ball field at a Wisconsin sports bar? It’s possible at Rookies where field rental is $100 an hour on Fridays and Saturdays. Your rental fee includes everything needed to get a game going and it also includes use of the clubhouse, which looks like your very own bar connected to the field.

I know there have been hundreds, maybe thousands of dads, who’ve been reading Screencaps searching for that one special American road trip idea for next summer.

Well, here you go. It’s an immersive experience that the whole family can enjoy.

Rookies says it has 29 TVs and 6,000 baseball cards in the men’s restroom. They serve beer, jalapeno poppers, Korbel out of a Culligan water dispenser and $1 shots, according to the web page.

Americana isn’t dead, folks.

*Disclaimer: #notsponsored

It’s real and it gets 4.5 stars on Google.

Elf on the Damn Shelf

• Danny writes:

Greetings Joe! Just got home from a work trip and I’m battling a little because of insomnia. MN welcomed me with 11 degrees and strong winds. Florida or Arizona are looking pretty good this time of year. First off I like seeing the adventures of Mike and Cindy T. Keep them coming.

I’ve lost all control of what happens in my house. I’m not sure when it occurred but I’ve come to the realization that no matter what I say or refuse to do, nothing changes what goes on here. My wife bypassed thanksgiving decorations altogether this year.

She had me hauling boxes of Christmas decorations out of the basement the day after Halloween. I’ve been too ashamed to bring it up on here for fear of having my man card revoked. No matter how much protesting I could muster, she wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I fought the battle but in the end, I suffered a resounding defeat.

This brings me to Elf On The Damn Shelf. The little bastard never sits on the shelf where he’s supposed to be. I’m in the same situation as Michael J. She’s always making me move it because she goes to bed at 7:30 every night because she has to go to the gym every morning at 4:30 on days that end in “Y.”

A couple years back I attempted to kill off the Elf in a tragic sledding accident in the kitchen. This ended up backfiring on me and resulted in a chick elf and a freaking baby elf the next year. Bottom line, I hate the stupid things and wish nothing but stubbed toes and hang nails for the creator of them. I’m choosing violence tonight.

Christmas inflatables are bad news up here in the north country. They will inevitably get snowed over. If you aren’t here to dig them out right away, you won’t see them again until late March or early April (1 year was May.) And even when you see them, the stakes will still be frozen in the ground for a couple more weeks until the ground thaws. Typically the voles will have the opportunity to nest in them so all that money is down the drain. No more inflatables for this house. As far as the plug-in grills, that seems like something a Beta Male would use to cook a well-done ribeye on and smother it in steak sauce, all the while wearing skinny jean capris, boat shoes, Tight White Express T-Shirt and a LuLu Lemon Ascot (freaking tools.)

Oooooff. That was a long email. Enjoy the weekend everybody. I told my wife we should take the kids to the towns Christmas festival tomorrow. I hate these things, but I noticed the local brewery is gonna be there and I’m going to try and get drunk without her knowing. Wish me luck. Here’s a couple pics from the road.

Kinsey:

And because Danny W. is our resident commercial pilot with a phone who can take cockpit photos from the sky, we get photos like these:

Danny writes:

San Fran, if you look close you can see human feces and hypodermic needles.

For Indy Darryl. South of Indy looking north.

Look at the head on that thing

• Mike T. writes:

It seems that 1664 is the beer of choice in France

Light crisp a blonde beer it’s ok!

The Great Shrimp Conspiracy

I know all of you are like me — we need to hear about this shrimp conspiracy that Jim M. teased this week. He’s not ready to reveal all of his details. This one grows more intriguing by the minute.

• Jim M. writes:

Gotta wait for the local Xmas ad to come out to point out the hypocrisy! Patience. Gathering evidence takes time.

Christmas comedies

• An anonymous Screencaps reader has some comedy advice and big news:

It’s not a movie for the kids, but you have to add “Four Christmases” to the comedy list. 

As a side note, I wrote a Christmas comedy that is currently in development with a major streamer/cable network.  Fingers crossed, we’ll start filming in February, with an airing date next Christmas. I wonder if it will be the first Christmas movie written by a loyal Screencaps reader? It has comedy and sports in it, so it’ll be Screencaps-reader friendly.

I’ll let you know if and when it airs next winter.

Kinsey:

This is major breaking Screencaps news right here. Like the Great Shrimp Conspiracy, I’m once again intrigued. That’s why I get my ass out of bed so early on a Saturday morning for this job. Never a dull moment.

• Todd Z. writes:

This is an absolutely hilarious Christmas movie. I defy someone watching it and not laughing at it.

• Dusty in Nixa, MO writes:

One of the most under rated Christmas comedies is Why Him with James Franco, I know Franco is kind of a douche in real life but this movie is worth a watch.

A message for Sunday Screencaps writer SeanJo

• Paul B. writes:

Can you please respectfully tell Sean Joseph that Pepsi and Milk is not a new thing. It’s been around since Laverne and Shirley at minimum. I love Sean’s work so this is more of an informational thing.

Kinsey:

Will do.

So many Bills to keep track of around here

• Homebrew Bill in Nebraska writes:

For future reference, you can refer to me as Homebrew Bill, unless there’s another Bill who’s shipped you beer. Now on tap: Winter IPA and my 10th annual Holiday Cacao Bourbon Sweet Stout (pictured).

Cheers! No inflatables in my decorations 

Kinsey:

Looks beautiful, Homebrew Bill. I’m telling you guys, if you’re near the Omaha metro area — or know how to trade beer through different means — Homebrew Bill is the man. His brew is even popping up on tap takeovers. This Bill knows his beer!

And that’s it. Let’s get rolling. It’s 4th grade basketball opening day. The USA has a big soccer match. The wind is howling at 40 mph and there’s college football to watch.

Have a great day.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

I'm an Ohio guy, born in Dayton, who roots for Ohio State and can handle you guys destroying the Buckeyes, Urban Meyer and everything associated with Columbus.

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