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Off the top of my head after the first real night of college football

Let me start by saying I 100% RESPECT SUMMER, but last night felt like fall on the patio. There was a chill in the air. You could feel the pumpkin spice latte crowd cheering under their cozy blankets as the wind whipped between 5 to 10 mph. I’m just calling it like it is — that was a night I’d take in early September, not on the final day of August.

Thankfully, it’s about to get hotter than a Carolina reaper around here for the next 6-7 days just as we embark on a holiday weekend loaded with college football and patio opportunities. I’m talking 94 to 95-degree days and low humidity.

Suck it, Summer haters. This is what you get for a lack of RESPECT.

Now, where was I?

  1. Was the sound on my TV not working or was that Utah crowd subdued by a boring out-of-conference game those fans had circled for years? Credit to Florida’s performance. The Utah fans could’ve napped right through that one.
  2. Poor Graham Mertz. Go ahead and throw dirt on his Florida career. Oof.
  3. From the look of that team, the Gators will have to get real hot to win five games.
  4. Billy Napier’s buyout is $31 million. Don’t worry, he’s resting easy. That was great work by Billy’s agent.
  5. These days I rarely have drinks on a Thursday night. Last night was different. It just felt like one of those nights to sit with a tall TNML logo-insulated cup of Kirkland margarita to enjoy the start of the next six months. It felt right.
  6. I had no issue with my YouTubeTV operation, but I’m definitely starting to think three TVs aren’t enough.
  7. Nobody can make a normally worthless Nebraska-Minnesota game feel like it’s a College Football Playoff game like Gus Johnson and Joel Klatt. It felt like a Big Ten title game and I’m not just saying that because this column is financed by the Fox family.
  8. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I seem to think this is two years in a row Fox has owned ESPN on opening night. That was an absolute snoozer in Utah.
  9. Does the UCF social media employee lose his/her job after this tweet as UCF was beating up on Kent State?

• RLS writes:

Hi Joe, read and enjoy your column. Wanted to let you know the “geniuses” at Disney just cut off all their cable stations, ESPN/ESPN2/SEC Network, to Spectrum just as the Utah-Florida game was about to kick off.

I guess they think they will get people on their side in their rights dispute with Spectrum. What a bunch of idiots. No wonder their stock price is going nowhere.


I feel for the people in Orlando and Tampa who had this happen as they were about to sit down for a nice night in front of the TV. Did people go to the bars? Illegal streams (relax, it was a joke, Feds)?

Did you drop Spectrum? Sign up for YouTubeTV?

• Franco knows a football weather tweet when it crosses his timeline:

OutKick Shop is 40% off!

I’m told everything, or pretty much everything, is 40% off in the shop as the t-shirt department goes through a summer liquidation event.

Get in here and look around.


What’s up with the fan brawls?

• Zach C.W. asks:

What do you think is with all these stupid brawls between fans in sports stadiums the last several years?  Did people forget how to act all of a sudden?


Cellphones. That’s what’s up.

Look, I might have written about this in the past, but when I was a kid, my dad would take me and my brother to the Toughman contests at Hara Arena in Trotwood, Ohio. It was where a plumber could sign up to box against a firefighter. Or a mob boss could have his muscle fight some biker gang tough guy.

Two guys would enter the ring at Hara under the lights where Andre the Giant used to wrestle Hogan. It was smoky. It was a super dangerous event. Blood was going to fly. Faces were going to get smashed. Doctors and medics were at the ready.

Shredded firefighter guy, who signed up to win like $1,000, would enter against some biker gang guy and it would look like the firefighter was about to be murdered right there in front of a capacity crowd of 5,500.

My dad always had us sit way up top so we’d have a good view of the chaos that inevitably erupted as the biker gangs with floor seats would start beating each other with steel chairs.

Then, the HUGE black security dudes — they looked like mountains — wearing yellow shirts (I can’t remember the corporate name they went by) would jump into the brawls and just start throwing bodies as firefighter guy just tried to hold on until his biker gang opponent tired out.

With the crowd good and juiced up and going absolutely bonkers, firefighter guy would Rocky Balboa the biker gang guy and knock him out as steel chairs were flying, multiple fights were breaking out in the stands and Dayton, Ohio was enjoying a late 1980s to early 1990s Friday night out.

I’m talking some real alpha shit, fellas.

Then, when I was in high school and attending a Toughman, I was heading to my car when an absolutely brutal parking lot street fight broke out. I seem to remember hearing devastating body shots and concussions being handed out.

The point is, Zach, America didn’t just turn barbaric. It’s in our DNA. It’s just that cellphones now capture and repurpose all that content I used to see with my virgin eyes at Hara Arena.

Hope that answers your question.

They’re beautiful

• David McM. writes:

Sorry Joe, I am not on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, or Snatchcat. Saw these at the bass pro shop in Leeds, Alabama, close to the Talladega Superspeedway.

Screencaps CartNarcs

• John R. writes:

Lots to unpack here. 

Buggy in lot. Middle of parking spot. Vehicles pulled through spots. Vehicle taking two spots with no regard for others. Of course people of Walmart. 

By the way yes, I took the buggy and used it in the store then returned it. 

People are savages. 

When did you start to feel old?

• Bo T. writes:

Joe, have started the countdown to the end of mowing season here in central Michigan. I think 23 September is a good touch point, but it’s been in the 40s in the mornings here..I’m putting some dang pants on under 50. I’ve had hypothermia and it’s not for the weak or faint of heart. 

I know there are some SC old-timers out there (61 is coming fast for me). My question is when/to what extent did you start to feel old? There are a lot of mornings I have stuff barkin (thanks Army), but I’ve got a push-it-up mindset.

My oldest son approaching 40 (yeah do the math) hit kinda hard.

Is it when you aren’t on the cutting edge of new music? Is it a sliding scale?

Is it when you realize the white tees are appropriate?

When you’re invisible to the Hooters waitress?

I’m at the point where I’m pretty disgusted by much of what passes for our society nowadays..between the politicians and the celebrities they can all KMA. Maybe I’ve just reached curmudgeon status. 


I think this was a topic earlier this summer.

Earlier this week, I mentioned a damn, I feel old moment when I was golfing with the American 37-year-old former minor league hockey player who’d never heard of Craig Stadler. That definitely hit me like a ton of bricks.

Here I just thought he would’ve known The Walrus.

Quickie trip ideas for Canoe Kirk and myself

As I told you guys Thursday, Canoe Kirk from my text group challenged me with a free Delta companion flight ticket. He wanted Screencaps readers to build a fun trip and let’s just say some of you really let the mind go free on this one.

• Phillip in Nashville writes:

How about a Steal-cation?

You go to LA or SF and spend the day stealing.  According to Google you can steal up to $950 (per day, per instance?) so take a hand calculator.  

– Christmas will be here soon so take a card with the wifes and kids sizes

– Need new clubs for your PIB outing?

– School supplies?

– Yellow Jacket traps?

– Baseball team gear?

Just leave enough time to pack and Fed-Ex it all back home. 

It may be wrong and immoral, but just use the Vegas justification (what happens in Vegas . . . ).

This is all firmly tongue-in-cheek, but if I’ve thought of it someone out there is probably doing it.

• Duncan N. says we should go python hunting:

My first thought was Key West, 2 days is all you need to drink at all the bars.

But then I thought how about some adventure? I d rather read your report from 2 days in the Everglades than 2 days of getting drunk.

You could go out with a python hunter for a few hours, then get on an airboat to hunt gators or just go fishing. That sounds like a fun weekend.

America’s Best Daily Column does it again

• Andy from Knoxville writes:

You keep bringing it with America’s Best Daily Column!  Last year, I reached out to the ScreenCaps community asking for mower advice when I moved to Knoxville and needed to mow my nearly .5 acre lawn. 

A lot of great advice was received but due to financial constraints, I had to stick with my 22″ push mower that wasn’t even self-propelled.  Recently, my 75-year-old dad had surgery to remove a tumor (he is now cancer-free), and I looked after his lawn and pool while he was recovering.  He has a John Deere 425 and before he went under the knife, he checked my out on it and turned me loose on his lawn. 

Man, what a difference it makes! 

After one mow, I was hooked and the next time I mowed my lawn with my push mower, I was daydreaming about driving the John Deere across my lawn and making it into the majors of TNML.  But, I still couldn’t afford to move up to the serious lawn equipment so I started to think creatively.  And then it hit me: trailers are way cheaper than mowers!  So, my dad and I started looking into trailers and pulled the trigger on a sweet 5’x8′ from Tractor Supply Company.  Now I go over, mow his lawn, load up the tractor, pull it 8 minutes over to my house, mow my lawn, then return the tractor and trailer.  And all of that takes less time than mowing my lawn with the push mower did!  I feel like these first two summers in my new house were work I had to put in in the farm league (see the not quite straight stripes on my dad’s front lawn in the attached pic), but now I am ready to move up to the majors in TNML next year.

Summer is still going strong here in Knoxville. The heat wave has finally broken but there are plenty of days left to throw my kids into their grandparents’ pool.  Moving to Knoxville last year was the best decision.  We get to live near family and friends and I escaped the Washington DC rat race and traffic!

I know that you are a New Balance guy for your yard work, but I have put my old combat boots to work in their second career as lawn work footwear.  Just wondering how many other vets out there have done the same thing?  From the deserts of Iraq to the green grass of East Tennessee, they are still getting the job done.

Keep up the good work and thanks for bringing me a slice of real America every morning.

That’s it for this morning. Yes, I have a ton of emails to dump out tomorrow. If yours hasn’t been published, stay strong. I’ll get to it.

Enjoy the holiday weekend. Respect Summer. Go have a blast.

Take care.

Email: joekinsey@gmail.com

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Written by Joe Kinsey

Joe Kinsey is the Senior Director of Content of OutKick and the editor of the Morning Screencaps column that examines a variety of stories taking place in real America.

Kinsey is also the founder of OutKick’s Thursday Night Mowing League, America’s largest virtual mowing league.

Kinsey graduated from University of Toledo.

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