Jose Altuve Sucks This Year And He’s Being A Baby About It

Videos by OutKick

The Houston Astros take the cake as 2020’s most hated sports franchise, so watching Jose Altuve stink up the field feels good. He deserves it.

The 2017 AL MVP was caught cheating and now wants us to believe he earned his keep in this league. Anyone that would believe Altuve that the cheating stopped after the ’17 season is a fool. The season following the investigation of the Houston Astros happened to be his worst start to a year ever?

Ya right.

Jose Altuve has not only crapped the sheets at the plate, but seems flustered on defense too…

The best part about the Jose Altuve meteoric arrival as the mediocre player that he is…is that he’s been whining all over the field. There’s no crying in baseball.

The Houston Astros entire organization remains hated not only because they cheated, but because they lacked any accountability. Their apologies landed with the fans and players about as authentic as Dwight Shrute’s “statement of regret.”

Every member of the Houston Astros scam of a World Series team should have owned up to the fact that they’re nothing more than baseball’s Milli Vanilli. A true stain on the sport that steroids never left.

The good news is that Dodgers reliever Joe Kelly and fans around the world don’t seem to be letting Houston off the hook anytime soon. Jose Altuve gets to soak in his own filth for what seems to be another year.

Written by Gary Sheffield, Jr

Gary Sheffield Jr is the son of should-be MLB Hall of Famer, Gary Sheffield. He covers basketball and baseball for, chats with the Purple and Gold faithful on LakersNation, and shitposts on Twitter. You can follow him at GarySheffieldJr


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  1. How have the Yankees cheated? OHHH did you mean “cheated out of”???
    Astricos are pathetic, love what joe Kelly had to say and am a big fan of his now after despising him for his Red Sox brawl.
    Altuve .187 Bregman .250 Springer .188. Hollywood couldn’t come up with a script like this

  2. Hey Gary,
    We heard about the Red Sox in 2018 (and the primo cheater moved on to Houston in 2019).
    But seriously…shove the buzzer up your azz, Altuve!!! (as Troy suggests).

  3. I don’t think Houston and Boston were the only ones doing this stuff, they just got caught. You know word gets around about stuff like this with players in clubhouses, because they’re switching teams all the time. I don’t buy the total surprise act from the rest of the league. Yeah right.

    It obviously doesn’t justify the tactic, but Houston was just the unlucky one to get ratted out. Mike Fiers broke this story after he ran his mouth on them in Oakland to reporters, and did so conveniently 2-years after after he got his ring while playing on the same Stros team. All quiet THEN huh? Yeah, it’s obviously wrong to cheat yada yada yada, but that was such a female dog move by Fiers. The whole thing is stupid top to bottom.

  4. We may be looking at Altuve performing how Tiger performed after he got caught cheating on his wife. The talent is still there, but his performance drastically decreased once he got caught. The mind is the most powerful muscle.

  5. GSJ I love seeing the son of a player who we all know grew up around the game get into the down and dirty of the game. Love the screen shot from The Score. Dude, I may only have been a fan for a month or two, but I enjoy the panache with which you write. Keep baitin’ and hatin’ those ‘steps. I just wonder when you’ll get back to baitin’ and hatin’ on our man JW!

  6. Gary, if it’s ok with you, and you’re comfortable enough to do it…could you point to the spot on the doll where Jose Altuve touched you?

    Jeez…And I thought those snowflakes over at Barstool were triggered by the Astros. Poor Gary is gonna need a safe space and medication if this small sample size in the most bizarre baseball season of all time goes the other way on him. Thoughts and players.

  7. Hey Gary, where is your article regarding In 2017, the Yankees and Red Sox were both fined undisclosed amounts after what the leagued deemed the improper use of a bullpen phone and Apple Watch.

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