Joe Biden Invents New Football Position, Wanders Away with Microphone

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President Joe Biden has been up to his usual tricks over the past few days.

The frequently unintelligible leader of the free world has increasingly referenced sports, although as only he can.

For example, not too long ago he lied about why he quit college football.


The lie, that he quit so he could visit his first wife every weekend, is entirely unrelated to what really happened. Biden’s grades were so bad, his dad essentially forced him to quit.

Somehow, Biden thought it would be a good idea to reference his football playing days again recently.

It did not go well.

When speaking at an event, Biden told the crowd that he played a currently nonexistent football position called a “flankerback.”

If you’re wondering what “flankerback” is, you’re most certainly not alone.

There are star running backs, fullbacks or even quarterbacks, but currently no star flankerbacks.

Sure, we still use “flanker” to describe wide receivers, but never in connection with “back.”

Biden did in fact, play running back or halfback. Which are real positions that actually currently exist.

To be fair to the elderly president, he does have a habit of making things up.


Biden speaking at microphone
WASHINGTON, DC – OCTOBER 26: U.S. President Joe Biden delivers remarks on the economy in the Eisenhower Executive Office Building on October 26, 2022 in Washington, DC. Biden outlined his plan to target and end bank ‘junk fees.’ (Photo by Anna Moneymaker/Getty Images)

Biden Not Done Yet

But he wasn’t done yet. Not even close.

Wednesday, he spoke at another event and in another fit of senility, wandered away with a microphone.

That actually undersells just how bad it was.

At the end of the National Christmas Tree lighting ceremony, Biden looked around, hopelessly confused.

After several awkward seconds of blank mental space, Jill Biden and LL Cool J walked off stage.

Biden appeared to be torn between wanting to say something and seeing the others leave the stage, before giving up and wandering off, mic still in hand.

It’s hard to pick the worst moment of the video, but the complete lack of awareness that he still has the mic might be most concerning.

This is the most powerful man on earth, and he has virtually no idea what he’s doing at any given moment.

Painful, and dangerous.

College football’s championship weekend starts tomorrow, where presumably many flankerbacks will be trying to help their teams win.

Written by Ian Miller

Ian Miller is a former award watching high school actor, ice cream expert and long suffering Dodgers fan. He spends most of his time golfing, eating as much pizza as humanly possible, reading about World War I history, and trying to get the remote back from his dog. Follow him on Twitter.


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  1. I am against Joe Biden and what he purports to stand for … but the term “flankerback” is a real term if not an actual position. On a daily basis, Biden creates an almost unlimited amount of criticism-worthy senile goofiness.. However, his use of the term flankerback is not one of them.

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