Jessie James Decker Is Ready To Play Ball, Nicole Sherzinger’s All Muddy, Mr. Perfect Appears And Nurse Bikini Dani Has A Drink

Thanks For The Hospitality, Next Round’s On Me

Today marks my last day as Joe Kinsey’s understudy on Screencaps. The three-day journey has been everything I thought it would be and then some. Since Thursday morning I’ve been in the driver’s seat of a bus that pays me to swing by and (virtually) pick up some of the most well-equipped women in the world and the occasional fundamentally sound ’90s NBA player.

Screencaps’ loyal readers have emailed me more frequently than the Allegiant Air promotions team and Starbucks’ marketing staff combined, and I’ve loved it. Admittedly, I’ve been opening each email with tempered expectations, always expecting the worst and hoping for the best. But, I’ve been pleasantly surprised to find that the majority of you readers haven’t yet been annoyed by me. So I guess I did something right. Either that, or my wife and mom have created a surplus of additional email accounts to keep me sane – and sober.

After all, nobody’s perfect. Except Curt Hennig.

Have I Told You Where I’m From?

If you’ve been reading along the last few days, you already know I’m from “Murder Town USA,” otherwise known as Youngstown, Ohio. That was an actual nickname gifted to the city after it was determined roughly a decade ago that more murders per capita were committed in Youngstown than any other city in the country. Go hard or go home, right?

Among those hailing from Youngstown who dodged bullets and found success are current and former college football coaches Bob, Mike and Mark Stoops, Bo Pelini, and Pat Narduzzi. The DeBartolo’s and York’s (former and current owners of the San Francisco 49ers) are also Youngstowners. Truth be told, I’ve interacted with most of the above (some on a fairly regular basis), and can tell you that they are all truly some of the most down to earth people you’d ever come across – the kind of people who likely start their day by thumbing through Screencaps.

But don’t get it twisted, I’m no longer in the city, I’m in the ‘burbs now doing dad things like mulching the yard and organizing the abundance of extension cords that make their home in my garage. So before I get to my Saturday honey-do-list (sleep), allow me one last trip down memory lane, courtesy of the Youngstown Pride – a member of the now defunct World Basketball League which required it’s players to be 6’5 or under (the rule was later changed to 6’7). Among the team’s players were Tim Legler and Mario Elie, both of whom had long NBA careers.

So, About This Grass Thing…

As you all know, Kinsey is the resident lawn cutting expert around these parts. Hell, he’s the first (and only) commissioner of the Thursday Night Mowing League. And though he opted for vacation during the TNML’s All-Star break, that didn’t stop league members from reporting on the happenings in and around their yards, some of which were shared with me. Since the commish will have plenty of catching up to do within both his yard and inbox, I’ll share a couple of the quick notes I was copied in from the TNML members.

From poor Steve in Oregon:

I am sad to report that I was unable to participate in league night (Thursday) because I was sabotaged.
Up here in Oregon, this spring has been especially gloomy and wet, with very few warm and/or dry days to mow, and the last couple weeks were no exception, including last Thursday. We finally started getting some actual summer weather this week, so I was planning on mowing tonight. The mowing duties have been handed down from my older son to my younger son this spring, and so I had told him this morning that we would be mowing this evening.
However, after arriving home this evening and extracting my son from his water gun fight so we could do our TNML duties, I was informed by my wife that the grass was now all wet because she had turned the sprinkler system on. I asked why, since I had mentioned this morning that we would be mowing tonight. Her reasoning was that she needed to test the sprinklers to make sure they covered her newly planted flowers. She swears she hadn’t heard me say that we would be mowing tonight, and if she had, she would have remembered, but I have doubts about that. 🙂
Anyway, we will be mowing tomorrow when the grass is dry, but I just wanted to let the Commish (and/or Stand In Commish) know that the circumstances tonight were beyond my control.
Steve's lawn
Steve, I’m not advocating for a divorce here, but my best friend is an attorney. Just say the word.
Not All Loses Are Bad If We Learn From Them
Beau in Toledo showed he’s a man of integrity. He opted against hiding from defeat while also dressing up the yard:
I must admit I took another L for THE Thursday Night League Night… You know the weather here in the 419, because it’s not that far from the 330… can’t lay down proper stripes on dry and stressed fescue.  Yeah, we’re not TexasHot, but still… Not too mad though, I did deliver some freshly powder coated #PatioLife furniture to THE Little Lady of mine… i got a guy at Sharp Finishing LLC who took 40 yr old stuff and knocked it better than new out of the park. 
Beau knows good looking refurbished chairs, obviously. Only thing missing is a couple of cup holders, but I’m confident you’ll right that wrong sooner than later.
It May Be Time To Enlist
One of my best friends traveled through Annapolis late last month and somehow convinced his wife and daughter to stop off at the Naval Academy. He hit campus on a perfect day – weather was in the upper 70s, school was out for summer and security was oddly, lacking. To be clear, my buddy didn’t want anything more than a peak into life as a football player at the Naval Academy and that’s exactly what he got. He shared the awesome photos with me –  and even though I tend to pull for Army – I have to admit, the facilities alone would make it easy to cheer on the Midshipmen.
Navy Football
He included a couple of on-field videos too, but he wasn’t supposed to be there and I don’t want to get him arrested. Let me rephrase: I don’t want to get him arrested for that. It makes you wonder why Navy’s campus isn’t a little more secure. But that’s above my pay grade.
Long story longer, between the pics and stories sent my way and my recent viewing of Top Gun: Maverick, we’re likely just days, if not hours away from me seeking out the nearest mall recruiter to submit my application.

Bills Mafia Has Themselves A Good One

Buffalo QB Josh Allen was a guest on Thursday’s Bussin’ With The Boys podcast (shout out to the boys- no free shout outs) and dropped a great line that deserves some recognition.

“I’m a big fish guy,” said Allen – “F— It, Shit Happens.”

Stuff You Guys Sent In & Stuff I Like:

 

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Written by Anthony Farris

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